Imaginary News Network : For when the real news is just too awful to contemplate

C co up high, down low

ImageC co., manufacturers of cereals, crockery and carpets today announced record profits, but revealed a miserable tendency.

Turnover, margins and marginal turnovers were all up at the diverse Imaginary factory outlet, and shareholders welcomed the accounts with a right little knees-up. But C CEO, Philip Carson, just couldn't help getting all down about things, moaning that "it doesn't really mean anything does it? I mean, in the greater picture.. So we've made a load of money.. we've sold loads of cereals, crockery and carpets. But whats it actually mean? We're all still gonna die. I'll have a bit more stuff than most of you lot for a while, but in the end, we're all dust."

C shares rocked all day long to the beat of a distant drum, before rising sharply, sinking slowly then leveling off mid-flight.

Share this story:

Latest Imaginary News

World > Nearby 'Gamma Burst' unlikely to affect Imaginary News site
Arts & Ent > Jackson Jones finds his funk
Sci & Tech > Grrravity deflection detected by top scienceman
Sport > SuperFinal Preview : Budlington Diggers
Politics > Breaking News: PM resigns

Markets >

ISE 100 - down 0.1 at 4107.5
ICU up 0.01% against the Euro
Down 1c against the PD

We occasionally potter about in the garden.

Imaginary News Network

This site is under construction, which means we haven't yet plastered it in ads and stuff like that. In this section we'll probably add a selection of links to more imaginary things, carefully selected based on your unique personality profile.