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Waxy specialist in purity drive

Jemma Hortiponsonburyson, who has been studying bees for 26 years, has called for government action in response to declining levels of wax purity.

Bees have been increasingly using artificial substitutes in the formation of their wax, ranging from little bits of leaf right up to non-biodegradable plastics. Ms Hortiponsonburyson says "It is time we draw the line. I've had quite enough of these little blighters, polluting the world with their so-called products. We must wipe them out as soon as possible using a combination of neo-nicotinoids and environmental destruction".

A spokesbee, Buzz Busby, refused to speak to our Imaginary reporter.

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