"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded

Fri Nov 18, 2016 7:34 am

This year's "Worst Sects Scene" has been awarded to Imaginary author Biggleswick Chundermath for an episode in her blockbuster, Cathedral Postman: Onion Rings Twice.

The prestigious award is now in its 73rd year, and goes to the author of religious fiction that a panel of top judges considers to have penned the worst possible sects scene. We are grateful for permission to print Ms Chundermath's award-winning entry in full:

'Quobbing mightily, the Highest Priest strode imperiously through the Nonery's Paphian Grove, applying a liberal amount of Holy Ointment to his Magic Stave. The Head None quivered, sparkling angrily at such impudence, but this only served to inflame his deep fat friar desire.

"How dare!", said she, swinging her Orbs of Mystery to parry the thrust of the Priest's glistening stave. Globsome they battled, back and forth, 'til the grove were nought but a steaming and dangerously spittled swamp, litten by etheric emissions. For naughty days and nights the tumescent combatants raged, battering each other until finally lapsing into happy, greasy exhaustion.

"Fancy some chips?"
"Yeah."'

This is the fifteenth year running Ms Chundermath has won the award.

"It is literally the worst thing I have ever read," said Stephen Fryson, Top Literary Judge. "I literally can't sleep at night. Literally. And I'm right off my egg banjos. Literally."

Ms Chunderwick's novel is available through all of the usual Imaginary outlets.

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