Famous scienceman finds 5G spot

Mon Jun 29, 2026 1:45 pm

Famous scienceman Byron Clocks has revealed the results of the follow-up to his ping-pong Grrravity experiment.

"As we stare up at the night sky, we can only wonder at the enormity of the universe," Clocks said. "It's quite hard to get your head around it, believe me. So I thought I'd look into whether that whole Grrravity thing was related to this modern trend of wireless telephonic devices, the 3Gs and 4Gs and BGs and that."

According to Clocks, this long-awaited test also required the help of his able assistant, Brenda.

"Brenda always got quite excited when I talked about more than 4Gs, so I thought we should go for five," he said.

The team wanted to test the theory that they would get the best reception from Brenda if their peripherals were put in just the right spot to achieve optimal G. The results were conclusive: five or more Gs can be obtained.

"With Brenda we tried our peripherals in many different positions and with different levels of oscillation," Clocks explained. "There is no doubt in my mind that the 5G spot has been found, and it's just a little bit up and to the left of where you'd expect. Sadly, Brenda died of exhaustion, but I think it's how she would have wanted to go."

According to the usual scienceman convention, Clocks' results will need to be peered at for some time before kids get to learn about them at school.

Share this story:

Share this story on X/Twitter

---

Unrelated stories:

Arts & Ent > Performance artist Michel Pappinion's new show

Posted 6 weeks ago

World > Hardensoft in Toad Overflow Crisis

Posted 7 weeks ago

World > Partial lemon flavour extracted from Walnut Bird

Posted 4 days ago