Science >

Fri May 01, 2026 2:44 pm

Followers of waspy tech look forward each year to the annual KES show, held in downtown los caramoosh, caramoosh shall we do the fandango. This year's show promised not to disappoint, as usual, but its waspy microtech tent reveal hasn't gone down well with punters.

"We were hoping for a bit more than a waspy microtech tent reveal" said one visitor, Mrs Punter, who travelled for 3 days to reach the show from her home town of Backswagon. "We've always loved the KES, and Gerald, my husband, has lots of waspy tech all up and down the walls. I guess its still worth it, but its not like that time when the bees were all over the place and everyone got stung to buggery."

Though the reception was mixed, the waspy microtech tent reveal wasn't a complete disappointment, with receptionists and completionists both showing favourable trends in market research about markets, it was revealed.

Tue Apr 28, 2026 5:26 pm

Cloud services provider Vagisoft claim to have 'broken open the mould' in a new software release aimed at companies requiring blue-sky cloud services with a hint of silver lining.

The silver lining, derived from artificial sources, non-intelligence, has been in development for over 86 years using the latest machine leaning techniques, themselves developed when one of the Vagisoft servers developed a small incline, being propped up by a little piece of wood.

Vagisoft's Pressperson, Samantha Nonson, proudly claimed to "have absolutely no idea what any of you are talking about", when questioned by uninterested media partners.

Sun Apr 26, 2026 2:50 pm

According to widespread reports on the internetts, the first private landing on the moon has succeeded, and placed something on the moon, in private, with no-one watching.

Rumours suggest The Thing is some sort of moon lander, but that is pure speculation based on a complete lack of evidence. When we interviewed Private Moon Landings Co CEO Bruce Notonmywatchson, he refused to comment on the speculation of a landing, suggesting that "if we had landed privately on the moon I'm hardly going to tell you, unless we hadn't, or had failed to, in which case I definitely wouldn't".

Rumours of secret landing rituals and, ya know, things that make no sense to people who have any kind of rational view of the universe, have been rampant on the intrasphere since the official confirmation of the private landing was denied in secret three days ago, allegedly.

Fri Apr 24, 2026 7:39 pm

Until recently, Dr. Heinz Bambercasm's desk fan operated in the key of A, the same as a baby's cry, and like a crying baby this was distressing to Dr. Bambercasm.

Our Chief Science reporter went to find out how this changed : "Dr. Bambercasm answered my knock at his door within a second, like he was waiting for me, even though I had not indicated any specific time for my arrival. I could see by the look on his face, and the trembling of his hand while I shook it, that this was a man under extreme stress.

'Call me Heinz' he said, and proceeded with impatience to take me through to his Study. He flipped the switch on a large box of switches sitting on his Study table (the box, not him). After a few seconds a desk fan rotated into a blurred spin and Heinz immediately relaxed. He slumped into a large comfy looking swivel chair, leather clad with button studs and a tall back (the chair, not him). He went on to explain what just happened. And then wouldn't shut up.

I'll spare you the good 30mo or so where he slowly explained how he had to replace the bearings on his swivel chair, and how hard it was to get the 3bb Uretian ones as oppose to the slightly larger but unusable native variety. And the prolonged monologue on his outings as a Snakes fan, and the large photo album he leafed through to prove it, cutting my politeness to the very core.

It turns out he removed the fan blade and turned it around, and now it sings in the key of C. He says it makes him calm but hot. I took the opportunity to test his claim by flipping back the same switch on the box of switches, sitting on the Study table (there were no other chairs). As the fan powered down, Dr. Bambercasm became more and more agitated, till he was pacing the room, kicking out anxiously at the table and walls. I knew then what would happen if I flipped the switch back on. But was this proof of the method, or just a demonstration of the state of Dr. Bambercasm's mental health? So many questions to ask and answers to find. So much potential for science.

It was at this point I left, and never saw him again."

Thu Apr 23, 2026 12:39 pm

Researchers at the Institute for Tiny Engineering have spent years working with extremely small chains of graphene molecules, forming them into tiny tubes called 'nanotubes', but now they've lost them.

The aim of the research was to create a really long but microscopically thin tube that they could use to connect two things, say, an ear and a mouth. Or a cat and a kitchen. During a clear-out in advance of the annual Tiny Balls (a series of events taking place this month in which engineers and scientists get to let their hair down, their flippers out and give their gills a good scrub. That might be dolphins, not engineers, no wait, dolphins don't have gills. Oh well, never mind.)

The loss of the nanotubes is a terrific blow to science and will set the Institute back years, but no-one will notice so its ok.

Wed Apr 22, 2026 12:25 pm

After days of speculation, Ivanian visionary Isiah Ayeaye has finally revealed the "must-have" technology that pundits claim will either make or break Ayeaye, Inc.

The IEye, according to Ayeaye, "will change the way we see the world". During a prestigious press conference at Vision House, in Acton's fashionable West End, Ayeaye - sporting his trademark turtleshell trousers - wowed attendees with a presentation that was as breathtaking as it was brief.
In just 20 seconds, we saw a mind-blowing montage of cafe hipsters, zealous developers and robotic assemblers bringing the IEye to life. "From warehouse to wear-house in under 20 seconds", Ayeaye claimed.

We were treated to a ten second on-hands demo with the new device, which has a sensuous feel to the eye and a rubbery feel to the nose. Once installed, it was hardly intrusive - and, while our demo was brief, we can assert that it certainly changed the way we view the world.

Mass production is "commencing", Ayeaye said. We hope to bring you a full review when our NDA expires in 2024.

Mon Apr 20, 2026 8:12 am

After a 4 hour countdown hold-up while engineers looked into a problem loading the cryogenically frozen kerosene fuel on to the main booster rocket node, the Explorer IV probe was eventually launched successfully at 01:49 am today, with all systems currently functioning well.

In the next few hours the probe will be placed into a geostationary orbit, before mission controllers on the ground trigger the Marrrrrs Injection Burn (MIB) that will start the probe on its 55 million mile journey to Marrrrrs.

ISA scientist Samuel Poppinson described the launch as being like a "totally massive big flamey thing" while launch controller Peter Peterson said "Sorry for being late, chaps, got stuck in traffic for 4 hours".

We'll be providing regular updates on the mission as they occur.