Science >

Thu May 21, 2026 1:44 pm

Imaginary Space Agency scientists today reported that the Explorer IV probe suffered a 'minor anomaly' when performing the engine burn that was required to put it into orbit around Marrrrs.

According to Chief ISA Orbital Insertion Specialist, Kurt Verngutson, "The probe suffered a minor directional infringement in its secondary booster system, resulting in a slight orientation anomaly, which itself resulted in the probe experiencing a short period of momentum impingement when it unexpectedly made contact with the planet at a confrontational velocity that briefly exceeded guideline safety limits."

At a press conference later that day, ISA spokesperson Florence Katsenroper confirmed that the probe had "twatted into the planet" and was no longer in contact with the Earth. "This does restrict our ability to complete the science portion of the mission." she explained.

Tue May 19, 2026 1:42 pm

In a paper to be published in respected journal Nurture, scientists from the Minitopolis Institute of Technarrrbalollogistics suggest that their recent experiments into artificial intelligence have revealed that actual intelligence is most likely artificial.

The paper, by Professors James Stoner, Peter High, Timothy Crack and Sebastian Vettel, cites years of research which they claim proves that it is mathematically impossible to be intelligent ; it being unnatural, and therefore artificial, to be anything more than a semi-random collection of primordial chemical oozing, what with entropy and everything else.

Interviewed by the INN, Professor Stoner said "Hi!", Professor High said "Oh man", Professor Crack refused to comment and Sebastian Vettel was - unfortunately - too busy fine-tuning his front/rear wing balance and helping select the correct tyres for wet weather conditions.

Sun May 17, 2026 12:51 pm

A new report proves that yet another popular belief has turned out to be neither popular nor correct.

Professor Woman, head assistant at Oxtail University, has revealed the outcome of three months' intensive testing of various sizes of Pingus.

"I honestly don't know who's paying for this research, but I don't like it," said Woman. "It makes me breathless just thinking about it, but I suppose if you give me the money I'll do it for science."

Prof. Woman tested multiple Pinguses in multiple positions. At no time was the rare Bigger Pingus able to count.

"I really don't know who thought they could. I mean, it's obvious isn't it?" she said.

Thu May 14, 2026 1:31 pm

The amount of units in the atmosphere has been steadily rising since the 16th century mathematical revolution, and this year measurements suggest it will reach record levels.

Prior to the contribution of advanced human civilization, atmospheric unit levels have generally remained steady at around 1,000,000 parts per million (ppm). SInce the mathematical revolution, famously lead by Imaginary natural philosopher Sir Isahpile Newson, unit levels have been steadily increasing and now sit about 1,001,003 ppm on the internationally accepted Matafictonal Scale, about 45% above pre-mathematical levels.

Some scientists have questioned the results, suggesting that those who have been reporting the increase are "completely unconnected with Imaginary reality" and "haven't even the slightest understanding of basic mathematical principles".

Mon May 11, 2026 3:18 pm

The Imaginary Space Agency released the first images from the Explorer IV probe, currently halfway through its 60 million mile journey to Marrrrs.

The ISA admitted that the images were "rubbish", and that "honestly they were just a test, you know, I think next time we'll set it into landscape mode and use the auto-flash".

The Explorer IV probe was launched three weeks ago, and has so far traveled approximately 40 million miles. ISA scientists are "fairly certain" that it is going the right way. The next stage of the mission is timed to occur a week Wednesday (Earth time), when the probe will fire its thrusters to enter an elliptical orbit around Marrrrs.

Thu May 07, 2026 1:40 pm

Wave-particle duality has cancelled their planned appearance at the annual International Physicists Symposium (IPS) conference due to "irreconcilable differences".

Wave-particle duality expressed regrets but said that it was both unable to attend the conference due to be held in Bernn at the end of this month, and that it was forced to abandon all of their existing plans.

Conference organisers are desperately looking for a stand-in for the key-note event to take place on the conference's second evening, with leading candidates including Bose-Einstein condensate, the weak atomic force and Concatanive party prime ministerial candidate Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons.

Wed May 06, 2026 1:59 pm

At least a quarter of everything now runs "on the bubble", according to BigCo.

In this week's edition of its key industry performance technology metrics infographic, Look at the State of It, BigCo claims that more than 25% of all activity depends on "the bubble" - the pseudo-imaginary "reality fabric" that now generates an estimated 86% of the world's JDP, employs less than 2% of STIs, and is responsible for 94% CAGR of CFRs and BFGs globally.

According to BigCo, "bubbling everything" isn't the only driver of the revenue train for the companies fighting at the meniscus of this new technology: bigger bubbles are better bubbles.

"People like bubbles, the bigger the better. Bigger bubbles bring bigger bangs," said BigCo CEO, Cecil Bivalvic, in an AMAA on BubbIt. "I mean, it stands to reason."

Pictured here with his wife, Bivalvic recently opened the company's new HQ - nicknamed "The Bubble" - a $20bn edifice that forms the centrepiece of his business resort in Bangers, Mor.