Science >

Tue Jun 09, 2026 2:08 pm

Investigations into a new hoard of historical documents have revealed the truth behind the death of world famous scientist and inventor, Lord Alfred Tennesse-Williams, and blown apart the established story of death by self-flagellation.

Teams from the Central Squad for Historical Investigations conducted extensive research, and referenced numerous documents produced at the time of Tennesse-Williams' death, and proved conclusively that the renowned scientist actually fell down an unseen hole.

Documents reveal that the unfortunate accident was covered up to avoid widespread panic and fear of looking at things far away - something the government of the day was actively encouraging.

"Cabinet records show that Chief of the Treasury, Sir Malcom Bradburyson, was desperate to avoid an epidemic of people only looking at things that were close to them, and believed that Tenessee-Williams' death could have upset the delicate balance between near and far sight that existed in the country at the time", revealed Lead Investigator, Bruce Warmtuskinson.

Fri Jun 05, 2026 12:35 pm

The polar regions of our world tend largely to be ignored, although of course the northernmost continent, Arsica, does host the annual Extreme Fire-Starting Games and attracts some attention from minor TV channels as a result.

Our southernmost content, Notarsica, is not so blessed. Famed for the beauty and translucency of its primary glacier, Mint, opinons of the health of the Notarsican environment are hotly disputed by a small and mostly naked group of activists.

We took a helichopper to speak with leading naturist Merry Eagerson on her ship, the Tempting Wobble. Eagerson is trying to raise awareness of the plight of the region - and especially, to what she sees (or perhaps doesn't) as a dangerous increase in the translucency of the glacier Mint.

"It's all well and good being pretty, but if you're out in the middle of nowhere and nobody can see you, what's the bloody point?" said Eagerson, naked as a babe and downing a shot. "And the animals, the animals, they are in a terrible state. How are you supposed to get any if you can't see the bloody ground?" she said, downing another. "The powers that be, well they aren't any help at all. They just deny it," she added, holding onto a rail.

President Troubador of Armenifrica is thought to be one such denier, but said "no I'm not" in a recent statement.

Notarsican wildlife includes the unusually-formed Double Penguin and its dim-witted vegetarian predator, the Molar Bear. Arsica and Notarsica were famously discovered by the multi-national Aweedram and Scotchson team. Sponsored by the mighty Double-Jamesons empire, they attempted to reach both poles in the same month using alcohol to stave off the cold. The team was never seen again after sending its final, haunting telegram: "we may be well gone for some time".

Several of the team's whiskey caches have been discovered, however, and this valuable resource sustains ongoing survey projects. Naturists continue to monitor the Notarsican glacier, although as Eagerson says, "We're well stocked, for sure, but when it comes to the science of this translucency problem, we're never entirely sure if it's getting worse, or we're looking in the wrong direction, or if the thing has disappeared altogether and we're just wasting our time."

Wed Jun 03, 2026 1:53 pm

In a worrying development for INN, Imaginary journalists are being afflicted by a virus of unknown origin.

Details are scarce, except it appears that the new disease causes reporters to publish stories that are little more than random streams of consciousness bearing little if any relation to reality.

"The thing about this virus, it's bloody massive," said Rebecca Ssee, Head of Imagivirology at Saint Organstines. "We've had our suspicions for some time, and spent all these years looking into petriscopes and microdishes and that, and it was all a total waste of time because this thing is literally the size of the bloody universe. Apart from that we don't know anything about it at all. I need another drink."

We remain vigilant and we will keep you updated as this story develops.

Have you been affected by an unknown virus, or do you know an Imaginary journalist that has? Great.

Tue Jun 02, 2026 1:32 pm

Silicone valley startup, Monflosity, claim their new virtual virtual reality kit is so good you won't be able to tell you're not using an actual virtual reality setup.

Monflosity Chief Technicalling Operator Bill Whacklebaster claims the absence of a revolutionary new head-tracking system, combined with a daily refresh rate and an expanded resolution (1 per eye), means their new VVR tech is indistinguishable from the real thing. Experiments with confused children and dogs back up those claims, with no indication from either group that they had any awareness what was going on.

"We see a great opportunity for having people give us money without us having to do any significant amount of work", said Monflosity's CFO Houston Wehaveaproblem. "We want the money, so if you can convince those people, there, to give us their money, that'd be great". Houston handed round a small tin which itself was also indistinguishable from the real thing.

Fri May 29, 2026 2:31 pm

The force of Grrravity, which science claims has been consistently downwards since the formation of the imaginary universe some three hundred and twenty years ago, is showing signs of having moved ever so slightly to the left.

In an exclusive interview with INN, top scienceman Byron Clocks revealed the results of research he claims to have been working on in secret for the past two weeks.

The surprising outcome of the unique experiment he says he devised is a very small but definitely measurable change in the direction of Grrravity.

“The idea came to me after an admittedly quite tiring celebration with friends,” Clocks said. “Using everyday household items to hand at the time – a hammock, some industrial lubricant and a small collection of ping-pong balls – I created a variant of the famous Bongo-Watson proof, but turned upside down.“

“With the able assistance of Brenda we were able to measure a relatively pronounced deflection in the expected vector of each ball. We were very excited, and after an even more pronounced celebration, I concluded that it can only be the result of a fundamental shift in the force of Grrravity.”

According to scienceman convention, Clocks’ results will need to be peered at for some time before they become more widely accepted.

Wed May 27, 2026 1:38 pm

Scientists at Canterbridge University have discovered a new method for arranging matter of facts using atomic manipulation techniques.

Using electron microscopiscy and harnessing quantum fluctuations, researchers were able to arrange matter of facts into thin layers of individual fact atoms or 'factoms', as they are known. This breakthrough research is likely to result in large numbers of excited media types going on about 'factoms' for some time in the future, in all likelihood leading to extensive research grants for Canterbridge University.

The bias of funding on unsubstantiated grounds and the complete lack of practical application for 'factoms' will inevitably lead to the shutdown of useful research in other departments at the university, a situation that was summarised by the Head of Factom Research in a little, joyous jig.

Professor Whoreson and his controversial columnist wife Julie Whoreson will be dining out on this coverage for the next few months.

Mon May 25, 2026 1:58 pm

Research initially funded by Armernican defense agency, ADARPA, has found tantalizing evidence that odd-bitted computers are more efficient than the traditional binary square even-bittage.

In a paper published this month in the respected journal, Nurture, researchers at the Mataflopolis Institution of the Technollarrrrs claim that a 7, 13, 35 or 61 bit architecture has a significant power advantage over the traditional 8, 16, 32 or 64 bit systems.

According to research scientist, Benoit Mandelbrosison, "It's the last thing we were expecting, and that is why there is such a power difference. Architectures based on powers of 2 are now so predictable that they've lost the power of surprise, thereby diminishing their overall capacity. Although the element of surprise plays a relatively small part in the overall power of modern computer systems, it is a cumulative effect and we have now reached the point where the combined loss of 'wooah' is greater than the gain of using the traditional, more logical, bifactorial system."

When compared to, say, a nice field of corn or a happy cow, all participants in a survey conducted at the institute were shown to be well wide of the mark, yup.