Science >

Mon Feb 24, 2025 2:12 am

After a 4 hour countdown hold-up while engineers looked into a problem loading the cryogenically frozen kerosene fuel on to the main booster rocket node, the Explorer IV probe was eventually launched successfully at 01:49 am today, with all systems currently functioning well.

In the next few hours the probe will be placed into a geostationary orbit, before mission controllers on the ground trigger the Marrrrrs Injection Burn (MIB) that will start the probe on its 55 million mile journey to Marrrrrs.

ISA scientist Samuel Poppinson described the launch as being like a "totally massive big flamey thing" while launch controller Peter Peterson said "Sorry for being late, chaps, got stuck in traffic for 4 hours".

We'll be providing regular updates on the mission as they occur.

Wed Feb 19, 2025 4:11 pm

The Imaginary Space Agency (ISA) has confirmed all is on track and looking good for the 'Explorer IV' probe which is planned to launch this weekend.

If all goes well, the Explorer will be lifted through the atmosphere and enter geostationary orbit on Sunday evening. After a brief systems check, the probe's engines will burn for an additional 45 minutes setting it on its long journey to Marrrrrs. Assuming the burn completes successfully, the probe will then be put into hibernation for 3 weeks as it traverses the 50 million miles between the planets, before waking and firing its engines a final time to enter an elliptical orbit around Marrrrrs at the beginning of December.

We'll be providing regular updates on the mission as they occur.

Sat Feb 15, 2025 5:07 pm

Nestled deep underneath the hills of North West Cunumbria, the Tiny Apath Collider has been gathering immense amounts of data for the last 3 years and provisional results released today hint at the possibility of exotic new particles previously unknown to science.

In the 'Standard Model' of physics, matter is made up of 'quarks' that come in a range of different varieties : Quaint, Bumdown, Ticklish and Proud. According to scientists involved in the Tiny Collider project, there are now tantalising hints of the existence of two new varieties : Terrific and Moist.

Lead Scientist Stephen Catson explained the results to our reporter.

"YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND," he shouted. "YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND. You do not know anything about any of this, it is really complicated. Stop pretending you know anything at all about any of this. You don't even understand how much you don't know. You are so stupid you're even making up this quote while I'm standing right here in front of you," he said, to an accuracy level of 4 sigma.