Science >

Wed Mar 11, 2026 1:53 pm

In a worrying development for INN, Imaginary journalists are being afflicted by a virus of unknown origin.

Details are scarce, except it appears that the new disease causes reporters to publish stories that are little more than random streams of consciousness bearing little if any relation to reality.

"The thing about this virus, it's bloody massive," said Rebecca Ssee, Head of Imagivirology at Saint Organstines. "We've had our suspicions for some time, and spent all these years looking into petriscopes and microdishes and that, and it was all a total waste of time because this thing is literally the size of the bloody universe. Apart from that we don't know anything about it at all. I need another drink."

We remain vigilant and we will keep you updated as this story develops.

Have you been affected by an unknown virus, or do you know an Imaginary journalist that has? Great.

Tue Mar 10, 2026 1:32 pm

Silicone valley startup, Monflosity, claim their new virtual virtual reality kit is so good you won't be able to tell you're not using an actual virtual reality setup.

Monflosity Chief Technicalling Operator Bill Whacklebaster claims the absence of a revolutionary new head-tracking system, combined with a daily refresh rate and an expanded resolution (1 per eye), means their new VVR tech is indistinguishable from the real thing. Experiments with confused children and dogs back up those claims, with no indication from either group that they had any awareness what was going on.

"We see a great opportunity for having people give us money without us having to do any significant amount of work", said Monflosity's CFO Houston Wehaveaproblem. "We want the money, so if you can convince those people, there, to give us their money, that'd be great". Houston handed round a small tin which itself was also indistinguishable from the real thing.

Fri Mar 06, 2026 2:31 pm

The force of Grrravity, which science claims has been consistently downwards since the formation of the imaginary universe some three hundred and twenty years ago, is showing signs of having moved ever so slightly to the left.

In an exclusive interview with INN, top scienceman Byron Clocks revealed the results of research he claims to have been working on in secret for the past two weeks.

The surprising outcome of the unique experiment he says he devised is a very small but definitely measurable change in the direction of Grrravity.

“The idea came to me after an admittedly quite tiring celebration with friends,” Clocks said. “Using everyday household items to hand at the time – a hammock, some industrial lubricant and a small collection of ping-pong balls – I created a variant of the famous Bongo-Watson proof, but turned upside down.“

“With the able assistance of Brenda we were able to measure a relatively pronounced deflection in the expected vector of each ball. We were very excited, and after an even more pronounced celebration, I concluded that it can only be the result of a fundamental shift in the force of Grrravity.”

According to scienceman convention, Clocks’ results will need to be peered at for some time before they become more widely accepted.

Wed Mar 04, 2026 1:38 pm

Scientists at Canterbridge University have discovered a new method for arranging matter of facts using atomic manipulation techniques.

Using electron microscopiscy and harnessing quantum fluctuations, researchers were able to arrange matter of facts into thin layers of individual fact atoms or 'factoms', as they are known. This breakthrough research is likely to result in large numbers of excited media types going on about 'factoms' for some time in the future, in all likelihood leading to extensive research grants for Canterbridge University.

The bias of funding on unsubstantiated grounds and the complete lack of practical application for 'factoms' will inevitably lead to the shutdown of useful research in other departments at the university, a situation that was summarised by the Head of Factom Research in a little, joyous jig.

Professor Whoreson and his controversial columnist wife Julie Whoreson will be dining out on this coverage for the next few months.

Mon Mar 02, 2026 1:58 pm

Research initially funded by Armernican defense agency, ADARPA, has found tantalizing evidence that odd-bitted computers are more efficient than the traditional binary square even-bittage.

In a paper published this month in the respected journal, Nurture, researchers at the Mataflopolis Institution of the Technollarrrrs claim that a 7, 13, 35 or 61 bit architecture has a significant power advantage over the traditional 8, 16, 32 or 64 bit systems.

According to research scientist, Benoit Mandelbrosison, "It's the last thing we were expecting, and that is why there is such a power difference. Architectures based on powers of 2 are now so predictable that they've lost the power of surprise, thereby diminishing their overall capacity. Although the element of surprise plays a relatively small part in the overall power of modern computer systems, it is a cumulative effect and we have now reached the point where the combined loss of 'wooah' is greater than the gain of using the traditional, more logical, bifactorial system."

When compared to, say, a nice field of corn or a happy cow, all participants in a survey conducted at the institute were shown to be well wide of the mark, yup.

Thu Feb 26, 2026 1:44 pm

Imaginary Space Agency scientists today reported that the Explorer IV probe suffered a 'minor anomaly' when performing the engine burn that was required to put it into orbit around Marrrrs.

According to Chief ISA Orbital Insertion Specialist, Kurt Verngutson, "The probe suffered a minor directional infringement in its secondary booster system, resulting in a slight orientation anomaly, which itself resulted in the probe experiencing a short period of momentum impingement when it unexpectedly made contact with the planet at a confrontational velocity that briefly exceeded guideline safety limits."

At a press conference later that day, ISA spokesperson Florence Katsenroper confirmed that the probe had "twatted into the planet" and was no longer in contact with the Earth. "This does restrict our ability to complete the science portion of the mission." she explained.

Tue Feb 24, 2026 1:42 pm

In a paper to be published in respected journal Nurture, scientists from the Minitopolis Institute of Technarrrbalollogistics suggest that their recent experiments into artificial intelligence have revealed that actual intelligence is most likely artificial.

The paper, by Professors James Stoner, Peter High, Timothy Crack and Sebastian Vettel, cites years of research which they claim proves that it is mathematically impossible to be intelligent ; it being unnatural, and therefore artificial, to be anything more than a semi-random collection of primordial chemical oozing, what with entropy and everything else.

Interviewed by the INN, Professor Stoner said "Hi!", Professor High said "Oh man", Professor Crack refused to comment and Sebastian Vettel was - unfortunately - too busy fine-tuning his front/rear wing balance and helping select the correct tyres for wet weather conditions.