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Wed Nov 05, 2025 3:49 pm

Kiwiland's annual celebration of Kiwi Floating gets underway today with hundreds of people already gathering around lakes and large puddles, kiwi in hand, ready to see if they float.

The tradition has been a yearly event in Kiwiland since the 12th century, when Dutch pioneers first discovered the birds resting next to a lake in the province of Watunatonger. Back then the Dutch sailors were a superstitious and cautious people who believed many of the birds contained the spirits of witches ; by throwing the flightless birds into the lake they were able to determine which were witches and which weren't witches - which ones floated were witches, and the others that didn't which weren't witch.

Though the tradition continues today largely unchanged, in our more enlightened times we know that all Kiwis float and all are witches. Still worth chucking them into a lake before eating them though, just to make sure.

Mon Nov 03, 2025 7:30 am

Sixteen people died during the weekend's dust up events in Euronia, with nine losing their lives in a single event, believed to be relating to a stray under-rimmed fingerplant.

Euronian president, Jean-Michael Bonbon, expressed great sadness at the news, stating "Obviously, we are greatly saddened by the events of the weekend, especially following such a long period without any serious injuries. We'll be instigating a full investigation."

85 year old Leonard Villeneuve, who has attended every dust up since 1953, said "Everyone knows this is a dangerous event. No-one does it without understanding the risks. They understood the risks in 1953 and they understand them now. I'm just surprised more people haven't died, its really stupid."

Sat Nov 01, 2025 3:11 pm

Two months ago, a poorly maintained boning joint in the Shangentao blast furnace in North Marmurnia resulted in an explosion that registered on seismic detectors on the other side of the planet.

Though, luckily, only a few people were killed in the explosion, the blast furnace was a key component in the Marmurnian economy, and its loss triggered an economic collapse that devastated the lives of the Marmurnian peasants living in the region. Thousands have died from malnutrition, typhoid is now rife and millions are now living in abject poverty.

On the bright side, the crater left by the exploding furnace has become a sanctuary for ducks, who like having a paddle in the little lake that has formed there.

Fri Oct 31, 2025 5:02 pm

Preparations are under way for Euronia's annual dust-up, with people from all walks of life helping out - buffing the scojurns and rimming the everlasting fingerplants.

The annual dust up has been a tradition across Euronia since the early 13th century, when Prontogist monks first began dusting up their monasteries in recognition of their patron saint's virginal passage buff. Although the main dust up event is now kept to a single weekend, rather than the whole month as the original tradition dictates, those 13th century monks would still recognise many of the costumes and moves used today.

It has now been 16 years since anyone was seriously injured during the dust up, and 19 years since the last fatality.

Thu Oct 30, 2025 5:50 pm

Townsfolk of the small, remote village of Rembindwi in Anicafria yesterday unfurled a gigantic banner, stretched across the main street of their dusty, largely forgotten town.

Village elder, Minitantu Limsonlim marked the historic occasion with a brief speech "This is truly an historic occasion for the people of Rembindwi. By raising this banner, our town has made a bold, clear expression of our will.".

The great unfurling follows closely on the heels of recent events in the nearby Anicafrian town of Meriberibakenhousen, which last month produced a giant hoard of pamphlets.

Tue Oct 28, 2025 6:40 am

According to a new survey from global anthroanalysts Boston & Freebaum, 73% of the world's population prefers 'blooming' to most other verbs.

Asked to rank a number of different verbs on a scale of one to ten, a random selection of the world's human population put "fettling" in 10th place. "kettling" in 9th place, "parenting" in 8th, "foisting" somewhere between third and fifth place, and "sandbagging", "filibustering" and "teabagging" between places two and four. "Blooming" was number one on the list.

Given the essential nature of many of these activities, we asked the PM's office to comment.

We have yet to receive any reply.