Arts & Entertainment >

Wed Sep 02, 2026 1:24 pm

Manufacturers are pinning their hopes on the newly branded 5 litre Elvis. Backed, as it is, by an all-pervasive marketing campaign its unlikely you won't have heard of it, but is it any good? Our Imaginary reviewers are the first to get their hands on it, here's our view:

Like its predecessors, the 5 litre Elvis is compact for its size. Packing a punch, a schnapps and a double G & T, the overall package certainly feels solid in the hand, with just a bit of give around the edges (where, to be frank, its needed).

Visually it is appealing, jumpsuit all up a sparkling aye, with a glint in the eye, few could ask much more in the seeing department. Aurally too, the Elvis range performs up there with the best, with a clear and distinct treble, a hearty, resonant double and a singular urinary tract of unrivalled purity.

The 5 litre Elvis has its flaws ; in a dark room or enclosed space it is jittery, frequently restless, providing more than enough discharge and you're going to feel it within a few hours. It's backplate is also severely under-constructed for a model of this price range - there are many competitors out there with the full titanium strap-spank that is lacking here.

Whether this is the Elvis that will provide the manufacturers that solid base they've been striving for since the lacklustre reception to the 2018 edition is still open for debate, but certainly the 5 litre Elvis is a strong candidate for inclusion in most collectors' grinding cabinets.

Mon Aug 31, 2026 2:33 pm

Interviewing Imaginary artist and semi-part-time metro-entrepreneur Isac Muson is never an easy task. He's difficult to reach (always upstairs) and even more difficult to connect with. He's not an Imaginary man you want to introduce to your mother and he's hardly going to help bury your father in a thunderstorm, if you get what I mean.

I've been told by the marketing department that you don't get what I mean, and apparently there's a whole pipe-load of empirical data to back that up - all I can see is.. look.. this article isn't an easy one to write.

Let's start over. I've been tasked with writing up an interview with Imaginary artist and semi-part-time metro-entrepreneur Isac Muson, (itself a difficult task, as detailed above), but this time its been made doubly, maybe triply, troublesome - Doublysome or tripleydoublysome. You see, Ibsac has a project - a project he has detailed to me at some length after whiskey : its called LeekyWicks. Its an environmentally sound project, forward looking, future proof, organic vegetable-matter based candle manufacture. Replace the central flammable thread with a plant-derived substitute, he says.

I've told the editor we shouldn't do this and that its not in-keeping with the overall tone, let alone even remotely worthy, but he's insisted its late enough now not to be overly bothered.

Thu Aug 27, 2026 1:41 pm

This year's Harrodson's Eczemas Bumper Humper is "more humper than a jumper", according to flamboyant owner Harry Harrodson-Harrodsson.

The highlight of the Eczemas Season for so many Imaginary households, the Bumper Humper includes a range of wines and spirits for all ages.

We invited three random gastronauts to sample the Bumper Humper on our behalf.

"Aggressive on the nose and obsequious to the ear, Le Jambe Sauvage is a flirtsome semi-rouge that harks back to the great days of the sadly defunct winehouse, Ami," said Betty-Richard Stewellson, the recumbent chair of Alcoholics Synonymous.

"Smells like an elephant that’s been sitting in a Tzesla," said popular beat-poet, Meredith Timmsson, "with the taste of a 1970s coal miner’s pasty, aye."

"What do you mean, sample?" said Sonny Samson from eclecto-pop phenomenon, The Porridgy.

The Bumper Humper is available direct from Harrodson's, starting at 4.913.

Tue Aug 25, 2026 2:10 pm

In a quite shocking event, an historical, hysterical first since last week, a youtube streamer, sidewalk dreamer, down-uploading a thousand mega-users in follower state, tweeted a twitch stream down the mainstream, salmon all a-leaping-ho.

My god, they cried, this can't be right. "I blame the Youth of today!", cried the salmon, spawning in their traditional waters since well before, lets say, 1949, now all legs akimbo (legs aside, what with them being fish and legless as always), but metaphorically we have salmon now, as confused as anyone about the streams, and twitching, like thats normal even for a fish. Thanks.

Fri Aug 21, 2026 2:34 pm

Jackson Jones, legendary blues and jazz r&b drummer-clarinaut and author of No.1 selling album "Where's my funk?", today had his funk located.

It took Jones' wife, Joanna, just 15 seconds to find it despite Jackson having looked for absolutely ages, with the fruitless search even leading to the writing, recording, post-production and release of an album detailing the effort.

Joanna Jones declared her husband to be "Useless" and a divorce settlement is now pending, with Jackson likely to retain custody of his funk despite claming to "not really want it anyway".

Wed Aug 19, 2026 1:39 pm

In Walter Cunninghamson's second novel he explores the dichotomy between Imaginary science and mysticism in different shoes.

Interwoven throughout the dense prose (covering almost all of the pages except some bits at the front and one or two bits at the back) is an undercurrent of regret suggesting that the lead character (played by Kevin Spacey) could really have done with some comfortable slippers, rather than the rigid formal shoes he wears throughout the performance.

In the second act of the novel, which is somewhat badly timed as it commences just before the ad-break, the reader may find themselves somewhat distracted by a phone call from a friend or neighbour, possibly suggesting a trip out to the pub or other such establishment. But its worth sticking with it - perhaps suggest going out for a bigger session at the weekend? - because the finale is a rip-roaring rollercoaster ride through prairie fields full of joy and winklepickers.

3.5/5

Tue Aug 18, 2026 11:56 am

Imaginary news reporter, Brian Shuttleson, admitted today that he had recently been forced to spike one of his own stories after realising the headline was "really grossly offensive on a number of levels".

"At first I thought I could get away with it", said Shuttleson, sitting at the infamous corner table of The Baker's Legs, "but I read it back again and realised there was no way it was gonna happen. I almost puked".

Temporary Editor of the Imaginary News, Joanna Notherstick, was disappointed but philosophical : "Obviously its a shame for the young lad. We were hoping for big things from this story but in the end we all agreed that he'd made the right decision. And its not the fear of litigation, it was just too damn gross.".