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Theatre Review: Copperson at the Old Nick

ImageDaniel Copperson's return to the Old Nick is a triumph of form over factor, of space over spending and reputation over reason.

You wouldn't necessarily expect an actor of Copperson's calibre to appear in a role and at a location such as this, with the Old Nick's aching halls still clinging to the vapours of recent performances by lesser actors such as Bridleson and Cartier. But irrespective of the setting - and forgetting Copperson's much publicised recent tabloid troubles - it doesn't take long to realise that this is an actor, on a stage, and you're just gonna have to sit there and listen to him going on and on and on.

Copperson's rendition of the famous opening monologue is like a breath of stale wind through a dusty closet, revealing subtleties of stench that would never be apparent reading the text alone, with no voice in your head but that of the author, and it is this ever present reek that refuses to leave you even days after your visit.

Please, god, never again.
1/5


TV Highlights : Broken Armchair

ImageOn second episode basis, ITC's humdinger 'Broken Armchair' wakes the primal spot in leopardskin, tight, morning show coverage.

Blown open covering supports under welcome arches, made sure by celebrity ghost appearances, unlikely though that may seem. Shing brightly in this second episode, beacons of respectability in the dark underbelly of exchange tone, no line signal, no boat - its what we expect.

Underworn models beckoning, as usual, the second episode denies it all where most viewers will be expecting sheepskin not leopard, in recitals most choral, almost catholic, but with darker more satanic coverage. It's a star turn by Japsuit Tuttinson, that saves the whole flotilla.

2/5


"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded

ImageThis year's "Worst Sects Scene" has been awarded to Imaginary author Biggleswick Chundermath for an episode in her blockbuster, Cathedral Postman: Onion Rings Twice.

The prestigious award is now in its 73rd year, and goes to the author of religious fiction that a panel of top judges considers to have penned the worst possible sects scene. We are grateful for permission to print Ms Chundermath's award-winning entry in full:

'Quobbing mightily, the Highest Priest strode imperiously through the Nonery's Paphian Grove, applying a liberal amount of Holy Ointment to his Magic Stave. The Head None quivered, sparkling angrily at such impudence, but this only served to inflame his deep fat friar desire.

"How dare!", said she, swinging her Orbs of Mystery to parry the thrust of the Priest's glistening stave. Globsome they battled, back and forth, 'til the grove were nought but a steaming and dangerously spittled swamp, litten by etheric emissions. For naughty days and nights the tumescent combatants raged, battering each other until finally lapsing into happy, greasy exhaustion.

"Fancy some chips?"
"Yeah."'


This is the fifteenth year running Ms Chundermath has won the award.

"It is literally the worst thing I have ever read," said Stephen Fryson, Top Literary Judge. "I literally can't sleep at night. Literally. And I'm right off my egg banjos. Literally."

Ms Chunderwick's novel is available through all of the usual Imaginary outlets.


Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes

ImageIn a tapwater backwater, high-rise basement flat, hidden away in the suburban outer inner-city, a unique new pop-up hidden gallery has been created by culturific art heroes Jimson and Blythe.

Here they display their latest nude fetish counter-clockwise counter-culture contrail counters ; numbers rotating leftwise on independent student breasts linked to live flight data, hidden behind partially-revealing leather thongs.

Visitors to the gallery are asked to remove their shoes before entering, and the fine-grained broken glass lining the hallway floor is only the first in a series of deterrents that, in the words of Blythe, "allow visitors to suffer for their art as much as we do". Nipple clamps optional, of course!

The gallery is open between 6 and 6:30 am on alternating weekdays throughout the month.


Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome

ImageSelf-seeking introspection always sells, as Roger Eccles once said, and never has this been more true than for In My Mouth, the triumphant debut album from 23 year old Overly Winsome.

Stand-out tracks include "Bang for your Buck", which weaves a funky Afro-Czech rhythm section with a sombre melange of rustic guitar and cowbells, as Overly first wails then pleads for a return to a more honest sexuality:

"In the duvets of desire / Both my flaming legs on fire / Wallet bulging at the ready / As you came I was unsteady" harks back to the classics of the disco age while forging a new and edgier aesthetic. Overly frequently paints herself as the feminist Dylan of our age.

"Doin' it on the sly" sees Overly in religious mode, combining church organs with an ethereal hint of her native folk musical upbringing, to tackle the complex issue of family life as a independently wealthy independent musician.

The eponymous instant top 100 single, In My Mouth, simply speaks for itself. You'll be putting In My Mouth on your playlist for a good few hours.
6/10


Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback

ImageManagers and marketing types for 80's rockers, the Dead 80's, fronted by recently deceased frontman Kit Spankbasket, have announced a new album, a crematorium and a new 45-date global tour, despite the ongoing rumours of a split in the band.

Spankbasket and co-songwriter and bassist Alex Benson have not been on speaking terms since Benson died of a drug-related cheese overdose in a Las Ongelese hotel 35 years ago, a split which many thought would not have been improved by Spankbasket's death last week at the hands of a sexually aroused binobo. Late drummer Pat Buckson (1954 - 1989) remained unavailable for comment and the Dead 80's lead guitarist, 'Bone' (presumed to be the last surviving member of the band) has refused to speak to anyone since 1993 and was last reported living in isolation in a sealed pod 15 miles beneath the base of the Apalacian mountains.

Dead 80's manager, Mountain Cashflow, promised that "the boys are all in for this. I spoke to em all just yesterday, honest. Now get down on the floor. I.. they.. just need you to hand the money over first. Put your hands on the floor, put the money in this bag. And don't get any funny ideas".


Street theatre raised to new levels

ImageTouring theatre group 'El Passo' has raised street theatre to new levels with their latest performance, staged atop the world's tallest buildings.

Reviewers have had difficulty assessing the groups' new works as they are prevented from getting anywhere near the troupe by warning signs, barbed wire and a series of health and safety regulations, not to mention a dreadful fear of heights, but El Passo director, Migueel Pocahontas, described the new performances as "Shockingly bad".

But at least they won't last long.


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