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Thu Apr 30, 2026 5:06 pm

The pre-match debate in the pressbox was all about how long Umbrian captain, Majahid Ranmanakoolaban, would wait before the declaration, but in the end it was a moot point as Umbria were skittled out for just 24 by a devastating burst of fast chucking by Michael Sonson.

The day had started slowly, with the Umbrian battersmen apparently in no rush to force the issue, but the surprise selection of Rum for the mid-morning drinks break seemed to transform Sonson, and the Umbrian battersmen were all back in the rabbit hole in time for lunch (Vegetable Biryani).

The afternoon session began with a solid and positive partnership between Imaginary openers Bullson and Chives (shifted up the order after Jimson's earlier retirement pending drug-use investigations), putting on 65 without loss up till tea. The post-tea drinks break (again, a surprise decision of more Rum), put a dampener on the rest of the day's play, which progressed only intermittently, the Imaginary battersmen adding another 34 with only Bullson back in the hole.

It'll be a tense final day tomorrow, and with the pitch deteriorating and Rum hangovers most likely, the odds will be heavily in Umbria's favour.

Day 10 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 102 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 467 all in the hole.
Imaginary (2nd Innings): 89 for 2, up 1.

Wed Apr 29, 2026 2:17 pm

Day 9 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 102 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 443 for 4, all legwise.

In a rare day of abstinence, Umbria's battersmen reaped a points harvest in the fields of the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi.

The Imaginary chuckers were left downtrodden as Umbrian opening batsman Mahwannacup Bruhinda again demonstrated his class by repeatedly scoring. He was well supported by team-mate Noobat Cooli, who looked equally assured in reaching his first test century.

Tony Greggson's Imaginary team were left without answers for most of the day and looked particularly glum when the afternoon drinks break involved just tea and squash. It was only a late burst from offside dipper chucker, Stevie Johnsonson (who - TV replays seem to suggest - had secreted a hip flask in his whites for the evening session) that gave the Imaginary team any glimmer of hope going in to the last two days of the match.

Tue Apr 28, 2026 5:18 pm

Day 8 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 102 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 15 for 0, 2 wide awake.

The Umbrian fieldermen had cause for celebration in the morning session on Day 8 as their opponents lost captain Tony Greggson and the entire Imaginary tail for just 8.

Only Imaginary battersman Joe Cookerson managed to keep his calm, nudging a few doubles and planting one fiver over the deep extra bucket, to allow the Imaginary total to struggle past 100. Cookerson eventually fell on 18 when he tickled Umbrian chucker Kismah Banapaddi.

Lunch and the between-innings drinks break soon followed (a selection of daals, rice and Italian reds) before Umbrian opening pair, Bruhinda and Cooli, strode out confidently for the evening session.

Play was abandoned after one hour due to 'prevailing conditions' which caused the players to return to the bar, where promises were made of a full days play tomorrow.

Mon Apr 27, 2026 3:16 pm

Day 7 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary: 88 for 5 down 2.

Rain gave players and fans an excuse to hit the bars at the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi this weekend.

Day 6 of the match started busily, with bright sunshine and a gentle breeze providing perfect battering conditions for the Imaginary pair of Greggson and Chives. They stayed together for the whole morning session, happily bludgeoning the Umbrian chuckers to all five corners of the park, until a low-lying grubber from Juminda Boson sent Chives back down the rabbit hole.

Dark grey clouds arrived by the time of the afternoon drinks break, and though the rain stayed away for a few more hours, everyone agreed that a few pints would see the day out nicely.

Slightly cloudy conditions remained on Sunday and the day's play was abandoned before it started by mutual agreement between the captains, who both really wanted a lie-in, followed by a couple of bottles of claret.

Sat Apr 25, 2026 9:39 pm

Friday's second semi-final playoff match between the Chinoke Snakes and the L.Y. Bears came down to the wire, the Snakes' star centre Carlton Weaksaway snatching victory with a two-pointer 5 minutes into overtime.

Seconds left before the final whistlehorn and with the Bears in posession, the pressure was all on the Snakes. When Lead Cover, Jerome Terrinson, tripped tracking the long-arm it looked all over, but Bear's Halftacker Bobby Harrison's desperate lunge to the line wasn't enough to break the 27-27 deadlock.

There followed a tense overtime period, with both defenses holding firm, before a rapid forearm shuffle from Weaksaway forced the Bear's frontline away, leaving a gap large enough for Weaksaway to sneak through and take the 2 points.

The deciding playoff match between the teams takes place a week today, with the victorious team going on to meet the Diggers on the Holy Ground in December's SuperFinal.

Full scorecard :
Bears - 27
(Buttmews 6 @ 2 (og), Lenson-jenson 3 @ 10, 6 @ 18, Jackson 3 @ 28, Bullwackery 3 @ 52, Jackson 6 @ 79)
Snakes - 29 (ot)
(Wilson 3 @ 4, Weaksaway 6 @ 14, Venison 6 @ 42, 3 @ 57 (+3 pointer), Kopperburn 6 @ 81, Weaksaway 2 @ 90 + 5 )

Fri Apr 24, 2026 3:46 pm

Day 5 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary: 8 for 3 on a long 4.

Only 3 hours play was possible on a rain-affected day 5 at the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi.

A grey, drizzly morning greeted the players and fans as they dragged themselves to the stadium about an hour later than scheduled. A brief gap in the weather around noon unfortunately coincided with lunch and the first drinks break of the day, and by the time the players had finished their third course, the rain had returned.

It wasn't until the start of the evening session, by which point most of the players had settled in at the bar for an all-dayer, when clear skies finally returned. The Imaginary battersman reluctantly staggered to the middle and over the course of the next 180 minutes they managed to add 2 to the total, using a combination of fine defensive strokes and mock indifference. The loss of No.2 Battersman Ian Bullson, pulling a short one off the middle and straight to Kukacharatta in the bucket, was the main action of the day.

The weather report doesn't look good for the weekend, but Umbria will be hoping there's enough play for them to maintain the pressure on day 6.

Thu Apr 23, 2026 3:42 pm

Day 4 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary: 6 for 2 up 1.

It took the Imaginary chuckers just 3 hours to remove the Umbrian tail in the morning session of Day 4 at the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi.

Despite having no tail to lean on, Umbrian battersman Mahwannacup Bruhindi still managed to heave a couple of massive yorkies over the fence to add a few more to the total, before finally succumbing to the last ball of the session, when a vicious jiggler from offside dipper chucker Stevie Johnsonson spit back up the pitch and took out his middle leg.

Most of the rest of the day was taken up with the Between-Innings Drinks, during which Imaginary's captain Tony Greggson entertained the crowd with his impressions of the ex-PM fuffering in the early 90s. Both the Umbrian chuckers and the Imaginary opening battersmen somewhat overdid this session, with a series of pints followed by a double brandy each, meaning play in the evening session was kept to a bare minimum. Veteran Imaginary battersman Joe Jimson managed to score a couple before retiring but failed to trouble the scorers, and that was that for the day.

The Imaginary team will be hoping to build up a decent score on Day 5 providing they don't have really awful hangovers.