Sport >

Thu Jan 09, 2025 7:55 am

The Diggers vs Snakes match-up in this year's SuperFinal, which takes place next week at the Holy Ground, could well be a classic..

After months of preparation and weeks of anticipation, Diggers' star centre Leahawk Sparkbanner believe his team has got what it takes to win the SuperFinal : "I believe we've got what it takes to win the SuperFinal", he said today, relaxing by the pool at his Bulberry Hill condo. "The Snakes are a good team, but I don't think they've got what it takes. I think we've got what it takes. What does it take? The stuff we've got. They ain't got that stuff, we've got it."

The Diggers have had an easy run-up to the SuperFinal - their final playoff round against the Seeingeye Moles was abandoned when the Moles team were arrested for possession with intent to supply - but its possible the extended rest-period will work against them. Diggers' Lead Cover, Chuck Backswipe is alert to the peril, noting that they've "been working extra hard this past couple of weeks to make sure we don't get rusty" while coach Rusty Couple has been drilling the players daily.

Budlington Diggers Team :
Offensive - Sparkbanner, Maulhouse, Barmstein, Brown, Dickchurch, Monroe, Johnson, Moses, Mookowski, Wedgin
Defenderers - Backswipe, Tarpenhaut, Wilson, Carlston

Tue Jan 07, 2025 5:56 am

This year's International Swamp Locating tournament commences tomorrow, with world champion Mikail Godwinson looking to defend his title for the 25th year running.

Godwinson has been at the top of International Swamp Locating leaderboard since he first appeared on the scene back in the early 1990s, demonstrating his ability to locate swamps without even attempting to do so. Monday's tournament won't be so simple though; not only is Godwinson much older - his knees are frail and eyesight not what it was - there's also a number of younger Swamp Locators who will be challenging hard for the title.

Under-18s UK Swamp Locating champion, Alexander Hardybulb, is hoping to be the first to break Godwinson's grip on the title : "At some point the old geezer has got to slip up, and when he does I'll be ready. I've been practising locating swamps all weekend and I reckon I have a pretty good idea what they look like now".

Mon Jan 06, 2025 7:59 am

This year's SuperFinal, which takes place next week at the Holy Ground, is set to be a classic with both teams in top form.

The Chinoke Snakes breezed through their final playoff match against the L.Y. Bears, with star centre Carlton Weaksaway looking sublime as he led his team to a 71-point victory. Weaksaway is ably backed up by cross-liner Matt Venison - the league's leading ballscorer this season - not to mention the world-class wide-reader pair of Bobby Piltdown and Arthur Kopperburn.

If the Snakes have a weakness its in defendering, something Lead Cover Jerome Terrinson recognises : "We know we've got our work cut out with the Diggers. They're a great team.. they're all excellent ballscorers and we know they can produce a rapid forearm shuffle when they need it. But we're training hard and the boys can't wait for the whack off."

Chinoke Snakes Team :
Offensive - Weaksaway, Wilson, Venison, Kopperburn, Piltdown, Burgson, Smith, Bruceybonus, Neanders, Smackerson
Defenderers - Terrinson, Chives, Whittlestick, Brains.

Fri Jan 03, 2025 8:21 am

Round 2 of this year's Ballinhole Open commenced with No. 1 seed Fugal Horne looking to firm up his grip on the title, bringing in a 2 under lead from the first round.

However things didn't go to plan for Horne, who had a great amount of trouble getting the first couple of balls in their holes. Kim Chi, Horne's long-term companion and caddy, had his head in his hands as Horne repeatedly failed to chip in from the bunker at the third, and when he left his handbrake off on the fairway leading up to the fourth, resulting in his little car rolling down the hill into a lake, it looked like it was the end of his title aspirations for the year.

But as usual, Horne's class shone through. He borrowed a little car from a friend, gave his balls a quick polish, and then managed to fill the remaining 8 holes in record time, eventually finishing 4 under the bar with 9 balls in the holes.

Horne's closest competitors, Nick Ballcock and Tiger Melons, had steady days, both finishing 2 under with 8 balls in the holes, leaving the field wide open for the third and final round.

Round 2 Leaderboard
1. Horne | 4 under, 9 of 12.
2. Ballcock | 2 under, 8 of 12.
=. Melons | 2 under, 8 of 12.
4. Bagolimes | par, 7 of 12.
5. Plums | 1 over, 9 of 12.

Wed Jan 01, 2025 12:01 am

The build-up to Tuesday night's decider between the Chinoke Snakes and the L.Y. Bears ended up being more exciting than the match itself, as the Snakes dominated the Bears, finishing the game 25 minutes early when Bear's star centre Mickey Jackson fumbled with the safety ball.

The match had started well for the Bears when Halftacker Bobby Harrison pitched up a doozy to put the Snakes down 12 early. But it went rapidly downhill from there on, the Snakes converting from all 5 corners of the park with consummate ease.

The Snakes will meet the Diggers on the Holy Ground in December's SuperFinal.

Full scorecard :
Bears - 12
(Harrison 12 @ 2)
Snakes - 83
(Weaksaway 9 @ 4, 3 @ 5, 6 @ 16, Wilson 12 @ 18, Venison 6 @ 30, 3 @ 32 (+3 pointer), Piltdown 12 @ 33, Kopperburn 6 @ 41, Weaksaway 12 @ 41, 3 @ 49, (Jackson) 8 @ 55 (safety ball) )

Mon Dec 30, 2024 8:52 am

Coach Leonard Timpson was today removed from his role at the Acton Wasps after being found responsible for an on-field incident that resulted in the death of 19 players.

The match between the Wasps and local rivals the Stenthope Swingers had progressed normally, with the Swingers going in to the halftime break 6 points up. But during the half time prep talk Timpson reportedly told his players to "go out there and fight", and to "take it to the opposition like your life depended on it. Show no mercy!".

Neither team are known for their high levels of intelligence but the bloodbath that followed was still shocking to both spectators. The slaughter was eventually stopped by the arrival of a hotdog van which distracted the remaining Wasps players long enough for them to be rounded up and shot.

Timpson's trial for Incitement to Murder will commence at the County Magistrates Court on the 16th, tickets 4.50, drinks included.

Fri Dec 27, 2024 8:18 am

Semi-world championship contender Fanny Jones has declared himself ready for a full-on hitting competition with someone else of a similar stature.

Semi-world champion, Lion Fantastic, has already nodded a brief acceptance of the proposed hitting competition challenge using his neck muscles under contractual obligation of their mutual promoter, Bighair Jackson.

The hitting competition is expected to last for a period of time, with the hitting commencing in time to some bells and finishing when one of the competitors doesn't want to get hit any more than they have already. The winner will receive a belt and a new pair of socks.