South Marmurnian Leaders Conference begins
Thu Nov 21, 2024 8:27 am
Tribal leaders from across South Marmurnian have gathered in the Marmunian capital for their once-every-decade conference which decides future political direction across the continent.
Topics being discussed this time around include the postulation of the grievances of the Higher Plapoon, the segmentation of Dameshilapan, how to address high levels of tarpinbandwat in the River Diplongu and the construction of the world's largest Jamesh.
The conference takes place over 12 days, concluding in a giant fireworks display where all the leaders stand hand in hand before the Head Chief lights the final Hootabanti.
Sport >
3rd test, Final Day
Wed Nov 20, 2024 6:02 am
Match Tied
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 974, declared legit.
Imaginary (2nd Innings): 926, 9 down, 5 in the hole.
An historic series that has thrilled fans and drinkers alike culminated in a truly astounding final day spectacle at the Durham Massala stadium in Umbria.
With Umbria needing just 7 more wickets to win, and the Imaginary team needing to batter out the day for the draw, Imaginary captain Tony Greggson and #5 Keeper-Wilson started the day stoically, defending everything in sight, with no suggestion of anything but a slow, solid decline to affect the course of play.
But when Keeper-Wilson was back in the hole after fingering a loose tiddler from Boomtacki, and Greggson being joined in the middle by Debutant Dimson, Greggson seemed to switch into another gear completely. Stretching out his arms and winding up his clock, Greggson began flailing the Umbrian chuckers to all 5 corners of the park. Never before, and probably never again, has a test match witnessed such rapid, destructive battering.
Greggson continued relentlessly, powering straight through lunch (Lamb Biryani, Shiraz) and deep into the afternoon session, even at one point refusing to partake in the mid session single malt whiskey (which triggered consternation and objections in the Umbrian coaching house, but which was ruled legal by the third umpire after review), while the Imaginary score ticked rapidly up past 400... 500... six..
At the other end, Greggson slowly lost partners through the day as Dimson succumbed to a Mandarath giggly, Jamal Jackson picked up an infection from Boomtacki, Johnsonson - after a spirited defense - putting one in the deep cover bucket off Poontang. Then, with an hour's play remaining and Umbria still with a lead of 180, Michael Sonson got a top edge to fly out large to Banapaddi in the deep wide distance and it seemed the end was near.
But Greggson fought on and #10 'Brucie' Arson began to put up a wall, which was almost complete by the time of the last over, Umbria still 30 ahead. Greggson drove once, twice, three times a lady and on the very last ball a massive sixer all the way over the backstands triggered eruptions of pure joy all around the ground, from both Umbrian and Imaginary fans alike. Not only the first ever tied test match but done in such spectacular fashion. Those at the ground will remember this day for the rest of their lives, tell their children and their grandchildren about it, books will be written, films made.
Everyone in the world will live happily ever after.
Science & Technology >
Inverse telescope views own destruction ahead of launch
Wed Nov 20, 2024 8:42 am
Three years ago, Imaginary Space Agency scientists began work on a new 'Inverse' telescope designed to peer forward through space and time. Now, 6 months ahead of its launch, the telescope has revealed its own inevitable failure.
Over the past decades the Imaginary Space Agency has launched a number of telescopes that look back to the origins of the universe because of Science. Unlike those that detect primordial light in the deep infra-red zx spectrum, the new 'Jackie Neilson Telescope' uses green light and microwaves and stuff to look The Other Way.
Scans during pre-launch testing confirmed the telescope will be successfully launched into space on board the ISA's massive Boner-IV rocket, but will be placed into an incorrect orbit that will lead to its demise shortly after launch when it inadvertently intercepts the sun.
"Not much we can do about it but carry on regardless." said head of the project, Matt Mattson, rather despondently.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Bruce Monsoon dies aged 96
Wed Nov 20, 2024 6:19 am
Rare Margrite goes on display
Fri Nov 15, 2024 8:05 am
Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Nov 13, 2024 6:25 am
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Nov 08, 2024 6:34 am
Floral response presentation
Wed Nov 06, 2024 7:07 am
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.3 at 4064.5ICU down -0.02% against the Euro
Down 1c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Kettle of Fish "not pretty" says Skipper of Boat
Kettle of Fish stocks are floundering with net profits down - that's the latest analysis from Skipper, the Boat-based market experts.
It was only two years ago that the So-So Media giant reported enormous numbers of users flocking to their new platform. After opening a brand new HQ in Fish, and a big push on the net, Kettle has been bladdering customers.
Combined with the declining Gill, this seems to have caused problems for the executive team.
Anti-rust legislation and pier-to-pier security worries are to blame, according to Skipper's head analyst, Sturgeon McTrout. Sturgeon spoke to us from a bridge in the charming Euronian capital, Boat.
"Gudgeon McTrout was appointed Kettle CEO to make waves in this market," he said. "It was going well, but right now - ok, it ain't pretty, but he's my brother."
When asked about the news, Gudgeon McTrout said, "It is what it is. We do have a new Kettle of Fish logo though, and that is pretty - even Stephen Fryson said so, so it must be true."
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