Politics >

Thu Jun 11, 2026 2:46 pm

Parliament today voted 101-164 in favour of legislation to limit ledge sizes after new properties in north-west cumbertsonshre were found to exceed current ledge depth limitations by over 14 metres.

The issue was discovered by council staff performing initial building control inspections on properties on the newly constructed Arse Farm estate (the inspections being delayed by some weeks due to satnav confusion with nearby Elbow Grange).

The properties also featured skirting boards 15 cm below ceiling height and one had a loft hatch only 9 inches wide. The over-sized window ledges prevented inspectors entering the properties which had to be burnt to the ground before any further harm could be realised. A spokesperson for estate developers Macferson read out a prepared statement very quietly, standing too far away to be heard clearly.

Tue Jun 09, 2026 12:23 pm

Protesters have gathered outside cabinet, near the table and down by the chairs, ready to start their nice big march about the potential replacement of March by June.

So far the protests have been peaceful, almost sleepy, although a small rival group, protesting in favour of the replacement of March with April, did cause a minor fracas when they stole someone's shoes.

Amongst a gaggle of chanting marchers - mostly standing still chanting "March!" and "We've already got enough Junes!" - we were able to catch a few words with controversial opposition MP, Amanda Danderanderson, who is backing the protest. "I'm backing the protest" she said, "but only until June. I mean March!", at which point everyone stomped off in a huff.

Mon Jun 08, 2026 1:45 pm

Purple faced bigot has roundly attacked weeping child, child bites knees, drug mothers; obese begging, dirty, hair in terrible condition, dirty fingernails, nothing free anymore but you can sell your soul to the devil for pittance.

Evangelicals weeping as they beat the living daylights out of daylight robbers - they get away with it all of course but its still daylight robbery. Late night bar stool keepers started with just a few light beers but now have had too much bourbon and they're not going anywhere except to the beds of other stool warmers and some innocent chap who turned up and knew not much better. Clap for him in the morning.

Honest, hard-working, down-to-earth types peering cautiously from behind defensive blinds at the misplaced hobo on suburban street, all voting for the extreme once every few years, compromise candidates no compromise, nothing going to change anyway, world turning, world getting older, someone somewhere gonna do the same for less and with less concern for cutting corners. All hoping for the masked purple faced super hero come to save the day and whisk everyone off to a bubble in mars, no doubt.

Sat Jun 06, 2026 2:35 pm

Controversy struck the political press group today at the welcoming reception for the South Arfenifrican ambassador when a depressed news reporter ate the ambassador's dessert.

Later in the day, the ambassador's driver, McGiver, and his persistent assistant, Keith, made off with a Barista's sister after the former kissed her and the latter was in tatters with grief.

A spokesperson for the government expressed their dissatisfaction with the whole affair.

Thu Jun 04, 2026 2:00 pm

In a heated debate, tonight, the heating was questioned - in the light of global heating, global warming - is it on? Is the heating on? Is this heating necessary when its not even that cold?

"If we shout at each other enough, that'll be alright won't it?" suggests reader Jackie Backseatassinationson, "That'll solve all the problems.". Of course, yes, it's easy enough to act daft and ignore all the many people, way too many people, with different views, way too many different views, on the heating, and debating, but lets put that all aside for a moment in a side-cabinet. Its not the cabinet's decision on a heated debate about the heating or even global warming, after all, thats likely to spark any kind of conclusion now is it?

Aye. Righto, there we go.

Tue Jun 02, 2026 1:00 pm

New ministers on the Committee for Subsequent Affairs have had the whip extended for the first time in 45 years.

The last time the whip was extended was during the notorious, post-war, so-called 'Swinging Cabinet', compromising of ministers from 'both sides of the house' who liked to vote both ways. This time round the extension seems less obviously justified, with no exposed ministers yet being recorded offering their public services.

Rumours from the lobby circuit suggest the extended whip is partly related to a softening pound, possibly due to overuse, but maybe just age, and a rapid recess in the regions might be required to recover some vigour.

Thu May 28, 2026 1:54 pm

At a press conference held this morning in the government's best office, the Imaginary Prime Minister has shocked the world by announcing her immediate resignation.

The surprise announcement comes in the wake of newspaper allegations that the PM was involved in controversial round-handing deals in the early 1990s.

A government spokesperson said that the standard processes for transition of power will now come into force and they are not expecting any hiccups. Speaking to our reporter off the record, the ruling Concatanive party chairman, Sir Withersby Bolton-Limeson, admitted that the move "came as a bit of a shock to the old girl, but she took it gracefully enough. I think she's happy just to get some time off to watch the SuperFinal, and no doubt will be banging about doing dodgy stuff with judges at the Holy Ground by morning".

A meeting of the government's 1812 back-bench committee will take place in the new year and it is expected a new prime minister will be in place by the end of January.