Politics >

First TV debate ruckus

Wed Apr 29, 2026 1:47 pm

The first televised debate between the two Prime Ministerial candidates resulted in a ruckus when Sir Double-Jamesons accused opponent Margaret Commerson of "not actually being there".

Sir Double-Jamesons has repeatedly refused to acknowledge that female politicians exist, quoting extensively from 19th century historian David Mullarkson's "Why Ladies Cannot Function Correctly When Asked to Provide Rational Arguments for Serious Subjects", and perpetuating the argument that having a female Prime Minister would be impossible as there would be a great disaster every February when they "have their time of the year".

Double-Jamesons also attacked Mrs. Commerson's ability 'to hold her drink', suggesting that it would be dangerous to elect a Prime Minister who was incapable of getting at least 5 times over the limit before vomiting. Mrs Commerson, meanwhile, tried to emphasise the benefits of her economic plan for the country, which includes increasing export duties on North Atlantic Cod.

---

Leadership battle begins

Mon Apr 27, 2026 3:01 pm

The two candidates with the chance to become the next prime minister have been selected by the Concatanive party's 1812 back-bench committee.

Reading from a prepared statement, committee member Joseph Polingson said, "A number of candidates have made overtures to the committee, it was a real battle to decide between them. We're expecting a lot of fireworks and sure it will be a great campaign." before leaving the press conference giggling to himself inanely. A friend explained that unfortunately this happens a lot these days.

The two candidates selected are Margaret Commerson, Member for North Bunswold ; a staunch left-of-centre right wing idiocrat - and Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons, Member for Pidlington ; a radical 1890s throwback and registered misogynist. A silent vote will be taken from party members in two weeks time.

---

Candidates throw hats into ring

Thu Apr 23, 2026 3:21 pm

After the recent resignation of Prime Minister Cumberson following a series of allegations of inappropriate fuffering behaviour in the early 90s, four candidates from the ruling Concatanive party have, in a surprise development, thrown their hats into a ring.

The four candidates, in alpahabetical order, are:

• Member for North Bunswold, Margaret Commerson (Fedora)
• Member for Pidlington, Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons (Bowler)
• Member for Carmoothen South, Edgar Edgarsonsonson (Bearskin cap)
• Member for the Isles of Skoot, Barmog and the Outer Hurmerners, James McSpargonson (Pork pie)

The hats (and others contributed by excited onlookers) were collected by a disgruntled member of the House's cleaning staff, muttering to himself about the behaviour of MPs these days, and correctly identifying the actual procedure for submitting their applications for the Prime Minister's position involving the 1812 back-bench committee.

---

Breaking News: PM resigns

Tue Apr 21, 2026 4:39 pm

At a press conference held this morning in the government's best office, the Imaginary Prime Minister has shocked the world by announcing his immediate resignation.

The surprise announcement comes in the wake of repeated accusations of early 90's 'little bootie wearing', and the recent release of a CCTV video that appeared to show the Prime Minister 'wearing little booties' in a Shoho nightclub.

A government spokesperson said that the standard processes for transition of power will now come into force and they are not expecting any hiccups. Speaking to our reporter off the record, the ruling Concatanive party chairman, Sir Withersby Bolton-Limeson, admitted that the move "came as a bit of a shock to the old boy, but he took it gracefully enough. I think he's happy just to get some time off to go to the Test, and no doubt will be banging about doing dodgy stuff with ladies in Jillhadi by the morning".

A meeting of the government's 1812 back-bench committee will take place later in the week, and it is expected a new prime minister will be in place by the end of the month.

---

Leaked video appears to show PM 'wearing little booties' in the 1990s

Fri Apr 17, 2026 3:03 pm

A video has appeared online that appears to show the Prime Minister 'wearing little booties' in a Shoho nightclub in the early 1990s, some 20 years before it was made legal.

Long-serving opposition member, Wilson Jimsonson-Leeson(son), who has campaigned against the 'wearing of little booties' for many years and recently raised questions about the Prime Minister's involvement in parliament, said "This video is pretty shocking. I've watched it a few times now. It's shocking. I'm shocked. I showed it to my wife in bed last night and she was shocked a couple of times too. The Prime Minister has serious questions to answer, it now seems indisputable that he has been 'wearing little booties' for a long time while denying it, on the record, in parliament."

We asked the Prime Minister's office for comment but they were all really busy all day.

---

Protests over planned opening closure

Thu Apr 16, 2026 2:13 pm

Protesters carrying placards gathered outside parliament yesterday to condemn the government's decision to close the opening between two Imaginary places.

The gap in the long fence between the Imaginary North and South Commenswolds has been used for many years by commuters, dog-walkers and local businesses as an efficient method of transit between the two locations. The government's review into the opening recommended closure after investigations by the Open Closure Committee for Rural Affairs concluded that the opening was a disruption to normal services, and congestion would be reduced if traffic were directed towards the newly constructed Herts Bypass.

---

PM disputes opposition 'bootie' claims

Wed Apr 15, 2026 10:03 pm

A bad-tempered debate erupted in parliament today, with the Imaginary Prime Minister aggressively disputing allegations raised by the official opposition that he had been illegally 'wearing little booties' while a junior member of the government.

Long-serving opposition member, Wilson Jimsonson-Leeson(son), raised the topic during the hourly recess between scheduled debates, claiming that the Prime Minister (at the time a junior minister responsible for 'agricultural activities') had been engaged in illicit and unnecessary 'little bootie wearing' in the early 1990s, when it was still listed as a class C offence. The Prime Minister disputed this, stating that he "had never 'worn little booties' before it was decriminalised in 2012" and that "all the subsequent cases that did take place were perfectly legal and had the full consent of everyone involved".

---