Politics >

Thu Jan 09, 2025 7:54 am

At a press conference held this morning in the government's best office, the Imaginary Prime Minister has shocked the world by announcing her immediate resignation.

The surprise announcement comes in the wake of newspaper allegations that the PM was involved in controversial round-handing deals in the early 1990s.

A government spokesperson said that the standard processes for transition of power will now come into force and they are not expecting any hiccups. Speaking to our reporter off the record, the ruling Concatanive party chairman, Sir Withersby Bolton-Limeson, admitted that the move "came as a bit of a shock to the old girl, but she took it gracefully enough. I think she's happy just to get some time off to watch the SuperFinal, and no doubt will be banging about doing dodgy stuff with judges at the Holy Ground by morning".

A meeting of the government's 1812 back-bench committee will take place in the new year and it is expected a new prime minister will be in place by the end of January.

Tue Jan 07, 2025 5:55 am

Newly sworn in Prime Minister Margaret Commerson was given little time to settle in to her new role, as newspaper reports suggest she was involved in controversial round-handing deals in the early 1990s.

Attending her first Prime Ministerial Questions Debate, Commerson was immediately on the backfoot when long-serving opposition member, Wilson Jimsonson-Leeson(son), raised questions about the reports. Commerson refused to answer the question directly, preferring instead to suggest that there was some surprising, unlikely object appearing behind Mr Jimsonson-Leeson(son) just out of his view, and if he were to turn round he might catch a glimpse of it. Jimsonson-Leeson(son) refused to be drawn by this tactic and persisted with his questioning, at which point Commerson handed over to Deputy PM, William Nackerson, citing urgent official business in the Foreign Office.

Newspapers have been pouring over the leaked details of 1990s deals, which suggest Commerson was paid large sums of money to provide round-handing services to senior judges while a junior minister at the treasury office.

Mon Jan 06, 2025 7:58 am

Environmental campaign group 'Animals are People Too' will be leading a march on parliament today seeking measures to ban the use of the controversial 'Atkins Trap' by farmers, which they claim "unfairly targets large-headed pregnant female squirrels".

Farmer, Hubert Hammerson, defended his use of the trap saying "ooh ay oots daenna far bae noose don oh skirrels, tae ba sur, ayt oot dawn oon lin ta forrnae ban tae hoogis, nae" but was later arrested by the police division responsible for the enforcement of the confused regional accents bill, the repeal of which does not come into force until January.

Atkins Trap manufacturers VerminCo released a press statement highlighting "Independent scientific research commisioned by our company and using our own independent scientists" that confirms the traps are gender and head-size neutral, despite all evidence suggesting otherwise.

Wed Jan 01, 2025 7:18 am

Concatanive MP Jasper Hugenson was found guilty in the High Court today and sentenced to 6 years in jail on preventative grounds.

Judge Hairson, of the Bar, for most of the day unless theres an important meeting to go to, delivered the sentence standing on an old iron washtub using a loudhailer, declaring that Hugenson "was almost certainly up to no good at some point in the future so it was only sensible to prosecute now and save a whole load of bother". "I thank you", he added cheerily, while dismounting.

Although Hairson's views have proven controversial in the past, particularly the life-sentence he gave to a group of 4-year old boys for not pronouncing their 'T-H's' properly, in this circumstance there was a general agreement that justice had been pre-emptively served and there was definitely no potential for abuse in the whole affair, as everyone was over the age limit and fine about it.

Tue Dec 31, 2024 7:42 am

Margaret Commerson, Member for North Bunswold, will be sworn in as the 668th Imaginary Prime Minister in a ceremony at the House of Cords later today.

Mrs. Commerson was declared the winner in a national vote of party members, with Commerson taking 68% compared to opponent Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons' 24%. A further 8% of the votes were 'spoilt' including the one submitted by Double-Jamesons himself.

Speaking at party headquarters, Mrs Commerson thanked "all those who have worked so hard for this victory. I will endeavour to serve everyone in this fine Imaginary country to the best of my ability" before rubbing her hands together and cackling maniacally. Defeated opponent Sir Double-Jamesons was too drunk to speak.

House of Cords CEO, Timmy Mansperson said "We're flattered to be hosting such an event. Its not often that a minor retail store in North Bunswold gets much attention so its great to be in the news. 50% off on all cords this weekend!".

Sat Dec 28, 2024 8:21 am

Imaginary politicians frequently tread a thin line, on one hand wanting to avoid parody, on the other not wanting to appear completely irrelevant, and on the other being sufficiently good at maths and physiology. Today though the high court ruled that the recent visit of controversial Armernican fraudster Dr Farts had crossed that line and Dr Farts was not to be mentioned again.

Dr Farts has become famous in Armernica for doing things that people either quite like or are quite annoyed by, depending on their views of whatever it is he is going on about. It may seem a difficult concept to grasp for Imaginary citizens used to the more sedate political cycle of carefully crafted resignations, installations and sufficient time at the Test, but Armernicans apparently take it all very seriously. (Or don't, because they're all stoopid. Either way).

In accordance with the high court ruling, this journal will in the future only refer to Dr Farts as Mr Poopypants.

Thu Dec 26, 2024 7:32 am

The multi-nationalist and hedonistic Party party has started a parliamentary party to celebrate their first 5 years of Party partying.

The party, which is expected to last 5 years, was officially started by the Party party representative for North Partyton, Dilly Partyon, who has been giving it large since the 1980s and refuses to be beaten down by the heavy stick.

Party party spokesperson Panty Partypantson said "The Party party has proudly represented party parties for the last 5 years and we hope to continue the party Party for long to come. Sorry, i meant the Party party. Can we cut that bit out in the edit?".