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Soldier gets Ballsey Cross

ImageAn Imaginary soldier received the Ballsey Cross for bravery during a special ceremony at Waresior Palace this week.

The soldier, who cannot be named for security reasons, was referred to only as 'Sergeant Two'.

When 'Sergeant One' was badly injured by enemy fire, the Ballsey winner led troops on a daring mission to rescue 235 innocent civilians imprisoned by a Foreign Power, which also cannot be named.

The military veteran, who is due to retire next week, shouted at our reporter that he plans to publish an account of the action.

His book,Two's Company Frees a Crowd, should be in shops in time for Eczemas.

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Recipe Corner


Grilled BBQ Flatburgers

Put 5kg of chopped mince into a large bowl and beat mercilessly for hours. Once the mince has been thoroughly defeated, add to a large vat of acid and skim off any residue. Drain, then shape the mince into patties using the power of your mind. Grill on a hidden BBQ for 4 days each side or until the neighbours complain.

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