Dangerous hipster shrinking craze continues to spread

Fri Aug 14, 2026 2:20 pm

A glut of miniature hipsters has meant the recent Imaginary Royal Parks festival could cut costs by using a badly-photoshopped 32inch TV instead of the usual big screen.

A recent survey found that over 70% of youngsters across the world have either been directly involved, or know someone who has been directly involved, or have met someone who had a friend that knew someone who has been directly involved, in the dangerous craze - a combination of drugs that has a permanent reductive effect on stature.

Regular sized person, Jimmy Hitchinson, said "It is starting to become difficult to tell the difference between these tiny hipster users and children who just happen to be very small, especially when they don't have a beard", while 2ft 3in hipster Marcus Gipperson just squeaked like a little mouse and did mouse actions with his tiny hands.

There have now been over 200 fatalities worldwide, with the tiny hipsters frequently falling down the drains and drowning.

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