Indecent hair loss study findings patchy

Mon Aug 31, 2026 1:43 pm

A new study from the Hirsuit Institute suggests a relationship between indecent behaviour and going bald.

Researchers investigated the hair loss and indecency habits of more than eleven volunteers in a secret location in Littlethin, Froomshire. Tests included showing pictures of bald people to people with hair, showing pictures of hair to bald people, and videotaping people when they didn't think anybody was watching. Each test subject was given a stress toy, and measured intently.

"Honestly, the things they did with those toys made me sick, so we're fairly sure that there is some kind of link," said Hirsute Institute CEO, Harry Allover.

"The trouble is, we don't know whether it's your ********* hair falling out that makes you act like a **** and say **** all the time, or that it's saying **** and doing disgusting things with stress toys that makes your ********** hair fall out."

"It's really feckin me off," he added.

Belinda McArty, Minister for Less of This Sort of Thing, called for less of this sort of thing to be going on.

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