Imaginary News Network : For when the real news is just too awful to contemplate New Stories Daily

Platinum holdings drop gold

ImageInvestment vestment venture capital holding analyst denture firm, Platinum holdings, dropped gold today like a vegetarian told his quorn burger is made of dingos' kidneys.

The firm have held holdings in gold holdings for months while prices have held steady, Eddie, said Eddie Holdings of Gold Holdings, "Holdings in gold ventures and dentures have held firm for most firms, so I'm somewhat surprised that the bottom has dropped out for Platinum."

Rumours that the bottom had indeed dropped since Platinum gave birth to its Gold fund back in November last year have been rife since the wife of Platinum CEO Alan Dropbottom demanded he adopt the position following the birth of their second child.

All the stocks so far are reacting cordially to the news, with orange, tropical and most varieties of lemon & lime holding above the 1000 FunDAQ base threshold.

Share this story:

Unrelated stories:

Image
World > 73% of world prefers "blooming"
Image
Sci & Tech > Vagisoft break cloud mould

Latest Imaginary News

Business > Chopajonian cuisine outpaces rivals, says Survey
World > Refuse Collection blocked by syntactic error
Arts & Ent > Floral response presentation
Sci & Tech > New DNA evidence reveals early human behaviour
Sport > Bouncing tournament suspended

Today's Crossword

Fucksticks


Recipe Corner


Traditonal Euronian Casserole

Carefully slice 8kg of onions then discard once tearful, reserving the tears. Down a pint of fish stock, whisk aggressively until tired then discard along with the onions. Brown the pan on a high heat until completely ruined, then discard along with the stock and the onions. Order a takeout and serve garnished with the reserved tears.

INN Advertising

We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).