Share tips : Performance Guaranteed
Fri Jul 03, 2026 7:20 pm
Analysts at Hengku-BS have revealed their annual list of share tips, picking out companies whose share price is expected to soar in the coming season.
First up is Dunslap, deemed 'thoroughly reliable' and "likely to go rimming around the bull-hole for the forseeable". Also strongly recommended are Muchswap Bigger Wang, who's car park movements show good intentions, and Harbinger of Doom who are predicted to release very optimistic profit forecasts later in the season.
HK-BS also claim to have produced a list of shares to avoid this season but refused to let anyone see it, with everyone else agreeing that they'd produced no such thing and were just lying about it to cover up the fact they hadn't done any work all week.
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Grilled BBQ Flatburgers
Put 5kg of chopped mince into a large bowl and beat mercilessly for hours. Once the mince has been thoroughly defeated, add to a large vat of acid and skim off any residue. Drain, then shape the mince into patties using the power of your mind. Grill on a hidden BBQ for 4 days each side or until the neighbours complain.
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