Woman says Bigger Pingus doesn't count

Sun Nov 01, 2026 12:51 pm

A new report proves that yet another popular belief has turned out to be neither popular nor correct.

Professor Woman, head assistant at Oxtail University, has revealed the outcome of three months' intensive testing of various sizes of Pingus.

"I honestly don't know who's paying for this research, but I don't like it," said Woman. "It makes me breathless just thinking about it, but I suppose if you give me the money I'll do it for science."

Prof. Woman tested multiple Pinguses in multiple positions. At no time was the rare Bigger Pingus able to count.

"I really don't know who thought they could. I mean, it's obvious isn't it?" she said.

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