First private moon-landing succeeds, apparently

Sun Feb 01, 2026 2:50 pm

According to widespread reports on the internetts, the first private landing on the moon has succeeded, and placed something on the moon, in private, with no-one watching.

Rumours suggest The Thing is some sort of moon lander, but that is pure speculation based on a complete lack of evidence. When we interviewed Private Moon Landings Co CEO Bruce Notonmywatchson, he refused to comment on the speculation of a landing, suggesting that "if we had landed privately on the moon I'm hardly going to tell you, unless we hadn't, or had failed to, in which case I definitely wouldn't".

Rumours of secret landing rituals and, ya know, things that make no sense to people who have any kind of rational view of the universe, have been rampant on the intrasphere since the official confirmation of the private landing was denied in secret three days ago, allegedly.

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