Imaginary News Network : For when the real news is just too awful to contemplate New Stories Daily

FairAir offers passengers opportunity to stand with their arms outstretched

ImageFairAir's CEO has released plans to allow passengers to stand with their arms outstretched on all its short haul long flights starting next month.

The announcement came after much speculation on the next steps the popular airline would take to increase the level of unpleasantness for passengers. "It came after much blue sky thinking" said the CEO Patrick Padderson. "We were worried that it wouldn't fly well with Health and Safety lawyers, but after inquiries and investigations, it looks like the idea is air tight." he said. "If passengers can stand standing with their arms outstretched, the reduction in cost should sit well with them." he added.

We asked a regular customer what they thought about the announcement. "I don't mind standing with my arms outstretched, but I'm worried about the landing.", said Arabella Fonty. "What if it's rough? Will there be hand-rails and stuff? Maybe the floor and walls could be padded." she added, "Or maybe we could have seats, so we don't fall over."

We asked Mr. Padderson to comment, but he had gone to get a sandwich.

Share this story:

Unrelated stories:

Image
Arts & Ent > Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Image
Sport > 2nd Test - Day 8 Report
Image
Business > Price of dorrar drops unexpectedly

Latest Imaginary News

Sport > Latest scores from the Primary League
Arts & Ent > Jackson Jones finds his funk
Sci & Tech > Grrravity deflection detected by top scienceman
World > Dangerous shrinking craze revealed to be 'No serious threat to society"

Today's Crossword

Wankchops


Recipe Corner


Spicy Chicken Coldpot

Briskly peel 3 raw eggs, whisk then add to your stock along with the live pigeon and the goat's eyes. Simmer gently for 4 minutes then turn the hob on. Once the stock has reached a climax, fellate rapidly and add the raw chicken. Borrow a tenner from an aunt and serve cold on a bed of feathers.

INN Advertising

We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).