Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback

Fri Sep 06, 2024 7:12 am

Managers and marketing types for 80's rockers, the Dead 80's, fronted by recently deceased frontman Kit Spankbasket, have announced a new album, a crematorium and a new 45-date global tour, despite the ongoing rumours of a split in the band.

Spankbasket and co-songwriter and bassist Alex Benson have not been on speaking terms since Benson died of a drug-related cheese overdose in a Las Ongelese hotel 35 years ago, a split which many thought would not have been improved by Spankbasket's death last week at the hands of a sexually aroused binobo. Late drummer Pat Buckson (1954 - 1989) remained unavailable for comment and the Dead 80's lead guitarist, 'Bone' (presumed to be the last surviving member of the band) has refused to speak to anyone since 1993 and was last reported living in isolation in a sealed pod 15 miles beneath the base of the Apalacian mountains.

Dead 80's manager, Mountain Cashflow, promised that "the boys are all in for this. I spoke to em all just yesterday, honest. Now get down on the floor. I.. they.. just need you to hand the money over first. Put your hands on the floor, put the money in this bag. And don't get any funny ideas".

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