C co up high, down low

Tue May 05, 2026 2:57 pm

C co., manufacturers of cereals, crockery and carpets today announced record profits, but revealed a miserable tendency.

Turnover, margins and marginal turnovers were all up at the diverse Imaginary factory outlet, and shareholders welcomed the accounts with a right little knees-up. But C CEO, Philip Carson, just couldn't help getting all down about things, moaning that "it doesn't really mean anything does it? I mean, in the greater picture.. So we've made a load of money.. we've sold loads of cereals, crockery and carpets. But whats it actually mean? We're all still gonna die. I'll have a bit more stuff than most of you lot for a while, but in the end, we're all dust."

C shares rocked all day long to the beat of a distant drum, before rising sharply, sinking slowly then leveling off mid-flight.

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