Dangerous shrinking craze revealed to be 'No serious threat to society"

Fri May 29, 2026 12:15 pm

After a series of reports of dangerously shrunken hipster users causing fundamental damage to society, it has today been discovered that none of it was true.

Speaking to reporters outside Hipster Central, Head Hipster, Felatio Dynamison, confessed "the whole thing has been a great misunderstanding. Those hipsters we thought were tiny were actually just significantly further away, and this mistake was compounded by a series of rather simplistic photoshop jobs".

"We apologies to all those families affected", he claimed, though we have no evidence to believe anything he says anymore, especially without obviously photoshopped pictorial evidence.

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