3rd Test preview
Fri Nov 08, 2024 7:08 am
The third and final Test of the historic 50th Umbrian series commences on Sunday at the Durham Massala Stadium, with both teams hopeful of getting their hands on the Nude Gandhalli Trophy.
The traditional wash-out of the first test and the tense draw of the second leaves all 6 results still a possibility, though bookmakers have Umbria firm favourites. Test pundit (and ex Imaginary Captain) Ian Boson agrees : "Much as I hate to say it, the Umbrians have a big advantage here.. The bars, the spectators and the pitch are all leggy-friendly and will suit Umbrian Leggy Chucker, Barswat Mandarath. The Imaginary attack is good but the pitch's under-hole and Umbria's tendency to fall leg-side negates much of the threat from Stevie Johnsonson (Imaginary Offside Dipper Chucker)."
Imaginary captain Tony Greggson, sipping on a pre-match manhattan, remains optimistic, "We have every chance here. The lads have been working hard all round the bucket during training.. everyone is fit, raring to go.. There's no reason we can't go out there and do something that is highly unlikely and no-one has ever done before".
Meanwhile, the Umbrian squad has been drinking heavily behind closed doors in preparation for the first day's play.
The Umbrian and Imaginary teams have faced each other in Tests in Umbria every four years since 1814 (stopping only during the 1st, 3rd and 4th Hundoo wars). This is the 50th such encounter between the two teams, with Umbria having won the last 7 series at home.
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Today's Crossword
Bollocks
Recipe Corner
Traditonal Euronian Casserole
Carefully slice 8kg of onions then discard once tearful, reserving the tears. Down a pint of fish stock, whisk aggressively until tired then discard along with the onions. Brown the pan on a high heat until completely ruined, then discard along with the stock and the onions. Order a takeout and serve garnished with the reserved tears.
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