Coach fired after encouraging players to 'fight'
Mon Aug 10, 2026 2:52 pm
Coach Leonard Timpson was today removed from his role at the Acton Wasps after being found responsible for an on-field incident that resulted in the death of 19 players.
The match between the Wasps and local rivals the Stenthope Swingers had progressed normally, with the Swingers going in to the halftime break 6 points up. But during the half time prep talk Timpson reportedly told his players to "go out there and fight", and to "take it to the opposition like your life depended on it. Show no mercy!".
Neither team are known for their high levels of intelligence but the bloodbath that followed was still shocking to both spectators. The slaughter was eventually stopped by the arrival of a hotdog van which distracted the remaining Wasps players long enough for them to be rounded up and shot.
Timpson's trial for Incitement to Murder will commence at the County Magistrates Court on the 16th, tickets 4.50, drinks included.
Share this story: Share this story on X/Twitter
Unrelated stories:
Latest Imaginary News
Sport > Shimmy goes right at the Jazzknackles
Sun Sep 27, 2026 2:00 pm
Business > Not interested rates raised
Sat Sep 26, 2026 2:20 pm
Arts & Ent > Review: Kirson's latest mini-series
Fri Sep 25, 2026 2:34 pm
Sci & Tech > Interstellar Pope crosses stellar boundary
Fri Sep 25, 2026 1:45 pm
Sport > Pickers pick up Picklington in the draft-excluder
Fri Sep 25, 2026 12:39 pm
Today's Crossword

Wankbasket
Recipe Corner

Grilled BBQ Flatburgers
Put 5kg of chopped mince into a large bowl and beat mercilessly for hours. Once the mince has been thoroughly defeated, add to a large vat of acid and skim off any residue. Drain, then shape the mince into patties using the power of your mind. Grill on a hidden BBQ for 4 days each side or until the neighbours complain.
INN Advertising
We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).



