Kettle of Fish "not pretty" says Skipper of Boat
Thu Jul 02, 2026 2:56 pm
Kettle of Fish stocks are floundering with net profits down - that's the latest analysis from Skipper, the Boat-based market experts.
It was only two years ago that the So-So Media giant reported enormous numbers of users flocking to their new platform. After opening a brand new HQ in Fish, and a big push on the net, Kettle has been bladdering customers.
Combined with the declining Gill, this seems to have caused problems for the executive team.
Anti-rust legislation and pier-to-pier security worries are to blame, according to Skipper's head analyst, Sturgeon McTrout. Sturgeon spoke to us from a bridge in the charming Euronian capital, Boat.
"Gudgeon McTrout was appointed Kettle CEO to make waves in this market," he said. "It was going well, but right now - ok, it ain't pretty, but he's my brother."
When asked about the news, Gudgeon McTrout said, "It is what it is. We do have a new Kettle of Fish logo though, and that is pretty - even Stephen Fryson said so, so it must be true."
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Today's Crossword
Bollocks
Recipe Corner
Traditonal Euronian Casserole
Carefully slice 8kg of onions then discard once tearful, reserving the tears. Down a pint of fish stock, whisk aggressively until tired then discard along with the onions. Brown the pan on a high heat until completely ruined, then discard along with the stock and the onions. Order a takeout and serve garnished with the reserved tears.
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