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3rd test, weekend update

ImageDay 8 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 974, no man down.

In what could be a deciding few days for this test series, Umbria's opening battersmen, Mahwannacup Bruhinda and Noobat Cooli, provided a comprehensive display of high-class battership, remaining completely unbeaten and keeping a steady hand through 9 sessions and 33 drinks breaks.

By mid-way through Day 6, with Umbria pushing their lead past 100 and Bruhinda effectively bringing an armchair, comfortable sofa and a small coffee table to the crease - so much was he looking at home in the middle - Imaginary heads started to droop and the hopes of a rare Imaginary victory started to fade.

By tea and drinks on Day 7, with the lead rolling past 500, a large contingent of the crowd, as well as a number of the Imaginary fielders, had settled down in the many bars around the ground for a good, long, uninterrupted evening session.

Day 8 continued in much the same vain, Imaginary captain Greggson's desperation beginning to show when Jimmy Chives was given the ball for a few overs of his part-time oft-chucking, and his desperation peaking when Greggson started offering the ball to people in the crowd, trying to entice someone new on for a few overs.

An overnight declaration is now likely, with the Imaginary battersmen facing the unenviable prospect of having to batter out the last couple of days on a wearing pitch to avoid defeat.

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Recipe Corner


Spicy Chicken Coldpot

Briskly peel 3 raw eggs, whisk then add to your stock along with the live pigeon and the goat's eyes. Simmer gently for 4 minutes then turn the hob on. Once the stock has reached a climax, fellate rapidly and add the raw chicken. Borrow a tenner from an aunt and serve cold on a bed of feathers.

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