3rd test, Final Day

Wed Nov 20, 2024 6:02 am

Match Tied
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 974, declared legit.
Imaginary (2nd Innings): 926, 9 down, 5 in the hole.

An historic series that has thrilled fans and drinkers alike culminated in a truly astounding final day spectacle at the Durham Massala stadium in Umbria.

With Umbria needing just 7 more wickets to win, and the Imaginary team needing to batter out the day for the draw, Imaginary captain Tony Greggson and #5 Keeper-Wilson started the day stoically, defending everything in sight, with no suggestion of anything but a slow, solid decline to affect the course of play.

But when Keeper-Wilson was back in the hole after fingering a loose tiddler from Boomtacki, and Greggson being joined in the middle by Debutant Dimson, Greggson seemed to switch into another gear completely. Stretching out his arms and winding up his clock, Greggson began flailing the Umbrian chuckers to all 5 corners of the park. Never before, and probably never again, has a test match witnessed such rapid, destructive battering.

Greggson continued relentlessly, powering straight through lunch (Lamb Biryani, Shiraz) and deep into the afternoon session, even at one point refusing to partake in the mid session single malt whiskey (which triggered consternation and objections in the Umbrian coaching house, but which was ruled legal by the third umpire after review), while the Imaginary score ticked rapidly up past 400... 500... six..

At the other end, Greggson slowly lost partners through the day as Dimson succumbed to a Mandarath giggly, Jamal Jackson picked up an infection from Boomtacki, Johnsonson - after a spirited defense - putting one in the deep cover bucket off Poontang. Then, with an hour's play remaining and Umbria still with a lead of 180, Michael Sonson got a top edge to fly out large to Banapaddi in the deep wide distance and it seemed the end was near.

But Greggson fought on and #10 'Brucie' Arson began to put up a wall, which was almost complete by the time of the last over, Umbria still 30 ahead. Greggson drove once, twice, three times a lady and on the very last ball a massive sixer all the way over the backstands triggered eruptions of pure joy all around the ground, from both Umbrian and Imaginary fans alike. Not only the first ever tied test match but done in such spectacular fashion. Those at the ground will remember this day for the rest of their lives, tell their children and their grandchildren about it, books will be written, films made.

Everyone in the world will live happily ever after.

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