New cinema releases

Fri May 08, 2026 12:45 pm

This week, after a long period of acclimatisation and gradual weaning from their surrogate breast-host, six cinemas have been released into the wild in the marshy peatlands just north of Dumplank. All six cinemas were seen gamboling joyfully before disappearing into the dense undergrowth.

The release comes after years of patient care and training by the volunteer group who discovered the cinemas in a disused mineshaft 8 years ago. It is believed the cinemas were left there after being captured by a rogue gang of confused horse bandits who completely lost track of time.

It is hoped the successful release of the cinemas will encourage the eventual release of other rescued buildings, including a multi-storey car-park that has been hand-reared since being found in a discarded bin-bag when it was just a baby.

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