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Profits boost for Urinal Waxing

ImageUrinal Waxing Corp of NY announced greater than expected profits in their first quarter prelims released today.

Jim Tinsonbuntson of analysts Loose, White and Gagging gave the report three oversized thumbs up : "Urinal's first quarter completely blew our expectations out of the water, took 'em to a bar, gave 'em 6 double whiskeys then slid 'em down a well greased rope slide into a pool full of sexy".

CEO Filon Waxing painted a rosy picture for shareholders in FY2017, which was nice of him.

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