Woodworking mass-killer jailed
Thu Jul 23, 2026 5:05 pm
After a trial lasting 7 days, a unanimous guilty verdict was delivered in the case of Horace Kingson, known popularly by the tabloid moniker, the 'Woodcutter'.
Kingson, 56, of Candar-on-Torrs, was found guilty on 6 counts of murder, 1 of manslaughter, and 3 of carpentry. In his summing up, Judge Edgar Yellinson told Mr Kingson that "you are an awful, most degraded person of the worst type. Not only did you kill these 7 innocent people, your sickened mind lead to you constructing furniture from them too. This perhaps would not have been so bad if it wasn't for the terribly poor quality of the furniture, which I wouldn't even use in the servant's quarters, let alone the main living area, as you yourself appear to have done."
Kingson was sentenced to serve 15 consecutive life-sentences, with a break at half-time for good behaviour.
Share this story: Share this story on X/Twitter
Unrelated stories:
Latest Imaginary News
Sport > Shimmy goes right at the Jazzknackles
Sun Sep 27, 2026 2:00 pm
Business > Not interested rates raised
Sat Sep 26, 2026 2:20 pm
Arts & Ent > Review: Kirson's latest mini-series
Fri Sep 25, 2026 2:34 pm
Sci & Tech > Interstellar Pope crosses stellar boundary
Fri Sep 25, 2026 1:45 pm
Sport > Pickers pick up Picklington in the draft-excluder
Fri Sep 25, 2026 12:39 pm
Today's Crossword
Wankbasket
Recipe Corner
Grilled BBQ Flatburgers
Put 5kg of chopped mince into a large bowl and beat mercilessly for hours. Once the mince has been thoroughly defeated, add to a large vat of acid and skim off any residue. Drain, then shape the mince into patties using the power of your mind. Grill on a hidden BBQ for 4 days each side or until the neighbours complain.
INN Advertising
We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).