Imaginary News Network : For when the real news is just too awful to contemplate New Stories Daily

Caspar Wine Burger profits boost

ImageFast food chain Caspar has announced a 44% increase in 2nd quarter profits after a successful launch of its new 'Wine Burger' range.

The new range of alcoholic burgers has been condemned by health-campaigners, who were invited to Caspar's recent AGM and shot. Since then, the new products have helped increase turnover at the chain's restaurants by 67%, but with a corresponding 28% costs increase through having to employ more cleaners.

Shares in Caspar, which have been dead since 2006, have done the full Ronald and are likely to funellate themselves slowly in the 3rd quarter.

Share this story:

Unrelated stories:

Image
Arts & Ent > New shows coming to Nooplux
Image
Arts & Ent > Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Image
Sport > 2nd Test - Day 5 report

Latest Imaginary News

World > Rare footage of Simerian MiniBear captured
Sci & Tech > Waspy microtech tent reveal
Sport > 2nd Test - Day 10 Report
World > Woodworking mass-killer jailed

Today's Crossword

Godammnit


Infinite Suduko


Join the craze thats sweeping the nation : Draw a series of grids of 3x3 squares stretching to infinity and fill them with the numbers 1 to 9, making sure that each number is used only once in each grid and that all rows and columns add up to infinity.

Send your completed grids to 3, The Washtubs, London for your chance to win a couple of quid


INN Advertising

We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).