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Growth boost for hedge fund

ImageRockerbilly, a multinational hedge fund broker, has revealed a significant growth in its hedges across the southern hemisphere this winter.

The results sent Rockerbilly shares soaring before financial managers were able to get a grip and bring them back down to earth, but they still finished up 19, with a 3.6 booner.

Hedge analyst, Matthew Baggerstockson, said the news revealed a pattern in hedge fund growth : "We have found that there's significantly more growth in hedge funds in the southern hemisphere during the winter months, while northern hemisphere hedges tend to perform better during the summer."

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