Harbinger of Doom releases disappointing profit forecast
Wed May 27, 2026 1:40 pm
Retail giant Harbinger, based in the small West Cortlenish town of Doom, today released disappointing third quarter profit forecasts.
Harbinger CEO Philip Sadface issued a statement to accompany the forecast, but it was just a scrawl in black crayon. Analysts at Loose, White and Gagging suggested, "This kind of forecast from Harbinger is not exactly unexpected. Retail profits have been broadly murky-looking for the past few months and Cortleny in particular has been slow to recover from last year's repression".
Hidden within the figures there is brighter news, however, according to people familiar with the situation. These people are called Optimists and are always cheery while making contact lenses or spectacles. Harbinger was down 2.5% at the opening, but recovered to practically horizontal by the mid-afternoon tea and biscuits.
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Recipe Corner
Spinach & Ricotta Pasta Wedges
This dish is all about the preparation, so before you start, travel to Italy and live with a local family for 16 years before preparing the pasta. Once you're ready to start, roll the spinach into thin sheets and hang them over a washing line until dry. Move the ricotta craftily (making sure to use a sharp knife) and then layer all the ingredients in a large pan, slightly too big to fit in the oven. Empty the ingredients from the pan onto a floured surface and curse loudly until they are well mixed. Give up and go to the pub.
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