Harbinger of Doom releases disappointing profit forecast

Thu May 02, 2024 7:40 am

Retail giant Harbinger, based in the small West Cortlenish town of Doom, today released disappointing third quarter profit forecasts.

Harbinger CEO Philip Sadface issued a statement to accompany the forecast, but it was just a scrawl in black crayon. Analysts at Loose, White and Gagging suggested, "This kind of forecast from Harbinger is not exactly unexpected. Retail profits have been broadly murky-looking for the past few months and Cortleny in particular has been slow to recover from last year's repression".

Hidden within the figures there is brighter news, however, according to people familiar with the situation. These people are called Optimists and are always cheery while making contact lenses or spectacles. Harbinger was down 2.5% at the opening, but recovered to practically horizontal by the mid-afternoon tea and biscuits.

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