Alliteration Virus "violates viral vectors", vows Vesuvius

Tue Oct 13, 2026 5:20 pm

The Alliteration Virus that has baffled scientists since it was first discovered in the New Rain Forest is more dangerous than first realised, according to leading Venezonian Virologist, Victor Vesuvius.

The virus, which is thought to have evolved in the small population of echidna currently resident in Ecclesthorpe Zoo and Library, East Englia - introduced back to the New Rain Forest in an act of selfless environmentalism - is unique in that it appears only to affect humans who engage in extensive written communication.

This tiny group is already on the Government's "at-risk" list and considered Heritage-Only owing to its constant beleaguering by the anarchic forces of the YouthTube, whose stated purpose is to replace all forms of written communication with videos of youths playing video games, bearded youthful vikings throwing axes at melons, and attempts to scare nubile YouthTubers as they exit the shower wearing clown costumes.

In an extensive interview and dinner, Victor Vesuvius told INN that "the virus violates viral vectors" - by which, he later revealed, he means that nobody understands what it is, how it works, or whether it's actually a virus.

INN has instigated an immediate initiative to prepare prophylactic processes to prevent this vicious virus violating the editorial edifice of this venerable organ, while a third party review of INN content over the previous publication period reveals that the organ has so far declined to rise to the challenge.

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