Dunslap shares plummet
Mon Nov 16, 2026 12:43 pm
The markets absorbed the news from Dunslap HQ with vigour, initially rising 6 before dropping off the cliff and ending up squashed on the beach along 85 points.
As trading opened this morning it initially looked like Dunslap might hold on, clinging by fingernails to an overhanging ledge while dramatic music played. But the market 'good guy' (of questionable virtue) approached the edge, made some trite comment and kicked Dunslap's share fingers away, casting them down like a medieval king subjugating a dirty peasant from atop his majestic steed.
Analysts at Miggins were unable to comment having had way too many glasses at lunch.
Share this story: Share this story on X/Twitter
Unrelated stories:
Latest Imaginary News
Sci & Tech > Desk Fan Therapy
Fri Oct 09, 2026 7:39 pm
Sport > 2nd Test - Day 5 report
Fri Oct 09, 2026 3:46 pm
World > Danoosh Kareeem reaches unprecedented levels
Fri Oct 09, 2026 3:23 pm
Arts & Ent > "Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Oct 09, 2026 1:34 pm
Business > FINEX markets down on quarterly GIMP figures
Thu Oct 08, 2026 6:00 pm
Today's Crossword
Crapsticks
Recipe Corner
Poached Herring Balls
Tackle 3 herring from behind and remove the stems. Wash thoroughly in tepid water and marinade for 6 weeks in a dark storeroom. Meanwhile, place the potatoes in a tidy baking dish and cover until risen. (This might take some time so encourage them with supportive comments at least daily). When the potatoes are desicated, add to the herring and bake on the middle shelf of an oven at gas mark 12, until the balls are crispy. Serve with a side salad and a chianti to someone you don't like.
INN Advertising
We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).