Dunslap shares plummet
Mon Oct 21, 2024 6:43 am
The markets absorbed the news from Dunslap HQ with vigour, initially rising 6 before dropping off the cliff and ending up squashed on the beach along 85 points.
As trading opened this morning it initially looked like Dunslap might hold on, clinging by fingernails to an overhanging ledge while dramatic music played. But the market 'good guy' (of questionable virtue) approached the edge, made some trite comment and kicked Dunslap's share fingers away, casting them down like a medieval king subjugating a dirty peasant from atop his majestic steed.
Analysts at Miggins were unable to comment having had way too many glasses at lunch.
Share this story: Share this story on X/Twitter
Unrelated stories:
Latest Imaginary News
Business > Kettle of Fish "not pretty" says Skipper of Boat
Thu Nov 21, 2024 8:56 am
World > South Marmurnian Leaders Conference begins
Thu Nov 21, 2024 8:27 am
World > Stupid country invades itself
Wed Nov 20, 2024 8:45 am
Sci & Tech > Inverse telescope views own destruction ahead of launch
Wed Nov 20, 2024 8:42 am
Arts & Ent > Bruce Monsoon dies aged 96
Wed Nov 20, 2024 6:19 am
Today's Crossword
Bollocks
Recipe Corner
Traditonal Euronian Casserole
Carefully slice 8kg of onions then discard once tearful, reserving the tears. Down a pint of fish stock, whisk aggressively until tired then discard along with the onions. Brown the pan on a high heat until completely ruined, then discard along with the stock and the onions. Order a takeout and serve garnished with the reserved tears.
INN Advertising
We haven't yet plastered this site in ads and stuff like that coz no-one knows about it. Tell all your friends and we'll carefully select some based on your unique personality profile (as long as you like dirty videos and weightloss pills).