Lastminute holidays suffer customer retention issue

Tue Jun 09, 2026 1:31 pm

Lastminute Holidays, a firm offering away-day package all-in-one city-break tours to the terminally ill community, admitted today their business model is suffering from a lack of repeat visits.

The Imaginary holiday firm is well-known for its quirky marketing gimmicks ; Customers on their death beds are welcomed at their destinations by Lastminute reps dressed in tattered cloaks and carrying massive scythes. Variations on the traditional holiday camp greetings ; 'Hi de die!' and 'Don't worry, you ain't got long left now' rarely fail to raise a titter or two, except in those cases where the customer has died during the coach journey from the airport.

A spokescat for Lastminute admitted that "Customer retention has always been an issue for us, especially for the budget return packages, where the guest is cremated and returned in hand-luggage for a great value holiday" but also expressed optimism for the business's future : "we're hopeful of a new and growing market as the world comes to an end.", they purred.

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