Bouncing tournament suspended

Tue Jun 16, 2026 2:25 pm

This year's international bouncing tournament, hosted in San Pellegrino, has been suspended indefinitely following a flurry of accusations of performance-enhancing drug-use, fraud and straight-forward cheating.

Controversy started after the opening weekend when Phalasian contender Bimlap Puchanki failed to return to the ground on his third bounce, requiring state officials to hook him with a big stick and pull him back down to earth. Number 1 seed, Josephy Bungabunga, of the Armenian team, suggested in off-the-record comments that Bimlap had 'swallowed a whole tank of helium' before the event, an accusation Bimlap subsequently denied in a squeaky voice.

Josephy himself was disqualified later in the week after documents were found indicating the team had been in talks with scientists claiming to have invented 'Anti-Gravity Technology'. After a brief search of the Armenian team's locker-rooms, a number of large springs were confiscated and Josephy was ejected from the tournament.

Confused match official Samuel Badsmorg stated "This is the last straw that broke the camel's basket" while hitting a camel, shortly before the tournament was formally suspended on mental-health grounds.

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