Bouncing tournament suspended
Tue Nov 05, 2024 8:25 am
This year's international bouncing tournament, hosted in San Pellegrino, has been suspended indefinitely following a flurry of accusations of performance-enhancing drug-use, fraud and straight-forward cheating.
Controversy started after the opening weekend when Phalasian contender Bimlap Puchanki failed to return to the ground on his third bounce, requiring state officials to hook him with a big stick and pull him back down to earth. Number 1 seed, Josephy Bungabunga, of the Armenian team, suggested in off-the-record comments that Bimlap had 'swallowed a whole tank of helium' before the event, an accusation Bimlap subsequently denied in a squeaky voice.
Josephy himself was disqualified later in the week after documents were found indicating the team had been in talks with scientists claiming to have invented 'Anti-Gravity Technology'. After a brief search of the Armenian team's locker-rooms, a number of large springs were confiscated and Josephy was ejected from the tournament.
Confused match official Samuel Badsmorg stated "This is the last straw that broke the camel's basket" while hitting a camel, shortly before the tournament was formally suspended on mental-health grounds.
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Traditonal Euronian Casserole
Carefully slice 8kg of onions then discard once tearful, reserving the tears. Down a pint of fish stock, whisk aggressively until tired then discard along with the onions. Brown the pan on a high heat until completely ruined, then discard along with the stock and the onions. Order a takeout and serve garnished with the reserved tears.
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