New developments raise hopes for fusion cuisine power
Wed Apr 15, 2026 2:44 pm
The dreams of unlimited power generated by fusion cuisine took a step closer to becoming reality today when scientists confirmed they had achieved net weight gain in experiments carried out last year.
Fusion cuisine reactions have been hailed for years as the solution to some of the imaginary world's biggest problems, including the issues with the central heating and long-needed replacements for so-called 'light bulbs', but drunk critics have pointed out that fusion cuisine always seems to be at least 50 yards away and uphill.
The results published today in presumably specialist adult journal 'Mature' prove conclusively that scientists achieved net weight gain between August and October last year after using the Just-EaTER app to combine over 1,000 micro-newton-grams of noodles with chips and a curry. Commercial application of the technology still remains some distance away due to the delivery charges and the need to create an email address to sign up.
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