New developments raise hopes for fusion cuisine power
Wed Jul 08, 2026 2:44 pm
The dreams of unlimited power generated by fusion cuisine took a step closer to becoming reality today when scientists confirmed they had achieved net weight gain in experiments carried out last year.
Fusion cuisine reactions have been hailed for years as the solution to some of the imaginary world's biggest problems, including the issues with the central heating and long-needed replacements for so-called 'light bulbs', but drunk critics have pointed out that fusion cuisine always seems to be at least 50 yards away and uphill.
The results published today in presumably specialist adult journal 'Mature' prove conclusively that scientists achieved net weight gain between August and October last year after using the Just-EaTER app to combine over 1,000 micro-newton-grams of noodles with chips and a curry. Commercial application of the technology still remains some distance away due to the delivery charges and the need to create an email address to sign up.
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Today's Crossword
Shit
Recipe Corner
Poached Herring Balls
Tackle 3 herring from behind and remove the stems. Wash thoroughly in tepid water and marinade for 6 weeks in a dark storeroom. Meanwhile, place the potatoes in a tidy baking dish and cover until risen. (This might take some time so encourage them with supportive comments at least daily). When the potatoes are desicated, add to the herring and bake on the middle shelf of an oven at gas mark 12, until the balls are crispy. Serve with a side salad and a chianti to someone you don't like.
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