Has Biteoff bitten off more than he can chew?
Tue Jul 07, 2026 3:00 pm
Markets worldwide rose early this morning to overnight news that unicorn investor Musky Biteoff has dumped a Bitten in a caramel swamp, double underpinned by shorts.
As usual, the news sent markets spinning, in turmoil and whatnot, things going up and down, dividends threatened, charts off the charts, while Biteoff remained content in his position (in the pub) with the Bitten enjoying a Bitter. Biteoff's vast wealth inevitably means the expectation of a healthy round, but starting at 8am? Seriously. Even for him this is a mark.
Analysts at VK Micherangeroo (new division) were nervous but agreed to agree with any statement we attributed to them on the grounds of being fictitious.
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