Politicians tussle in Second Televised Debate
Mon Feb 16, 2026 3:13 pm
Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons repeatedly refused to acknowledge the presence of Mrs Commerson on the grounds that "she is a damn woman".
Once it became clear that Double-Jameson's position was unlikely to change, Mrs Commerson tried to focus the debate on the candidate's policy differences, while Sir Double-Jamesons entertained the audience with tales of a 1970s hunting trip to Anicafria where he "bagged a rhinoceros and a couple of naughty little minxes from the nearby village".
Sir Double-Jamesons had to leave the debate early when he ran out of whiskey, allowing Mrs Commerson time to answer audience questions on her policy positions, including questions on housing policy, the upcoming Fisheries Act and the ties between the Imaginary Ministry of Defense and the weapons industry.
Sport >
Ballinhole Open Round 1
Mon Feb 16, 2026 2:09 pm
Both spectators at this year's Ballinhole Open were treated to a masterful display by No.1 seed Fugal Horne, as he romped around the 48 acre course to finish 3 under with 9 balls in holes.
Speaking to reporters in the members' club after play, Horne seemed satisfied with his performance : "It was a good round, I was happy with it. The holes were round, my balls were round, all round, it was a good round which I'm happy with. Is it my round?".
Meanwhile, there was a surprise early exit for Jack 'The Mackerel' Nicholson who failed to get any balls in holes.
Round 1 Leaderboard
1. Horne | 3 under, 9 of 12.
2. Ballcock | 1 under, 8 of 12.
=. Melons | 1 under, 6 of 12.
4. Plums | par, 9 of 12.
5. Bagolimes | 1 over, 4 of 12.
Science & Technology >
Probe releases rubbish images
Mon Feb 16, 2026 3:18 pm
The Imaginary Space Agency released the first images from the Explorer IV probe, currently halfway through its 60 million mile journey to Marrrrs.
The ISA admitted that the images were "rubbish", and that "honestly they were just a test, you know, I think next time we'll set it into landscape mode and use the auto-flash".
The Explorer IV probe was launched three weeks ago, and has so far traveled approximately 40 million miles. ISA scientists are "fairly certain" that it is going the right way. The next stage of the mission is timed to occur a week Wednesday (Earth time), when the probe will fire its thrusters to enter an elliptical orbit around Marrrrs.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
IBTV scores a hit with new reality show
Sun Feb 15, 2026 2:16 pm
New cinema releases
Fri Feb 13, 2026 12:45 pm
Gig Review : Mudpickers at The Tent
Mon Feb 09, 2026 5:08 pm
Theatre Review: Copperson at the Old Nick
Thu Feb 05, 2026 5:04 pm
TV Highlights : Broken Armchair
Tue Feb 03, 2026 5:29 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.2 at 4117.7ICU down 0.03% against the Euro
Down 6c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Massive Apple Turnovers turnover boost
Baker Massive Apple Turnovers Ltd revealed a massive turnover boost in their quarterly bandwagon report, which investors immediately jumped on, after a leap in sales of their famously large apple turnovers.
Massive Apple Turnovers CEO, Michael Turnover, announced the boost in a conference call to journalists along with detailed results for its subsidiaries : "Looking forward to next quarter, we're expecting a further massive turnover boost at Massive Apple Turnovers and not trifling profits in our Trifles subsidiary. However, we recommend shorting the Shortcrust Pastry division and expectations are low for Flans."
Shares in MAT Ltd were up 14 on the news by lunchtime, followed by a brief period of regret, before recovering well by tea-time with both the East Asian Diet and NY FUNDAQ registering positive hormones.
Today's Crossword
Arsebasket
