Leadership battle begins
Mon Apr 27, 2026 3:01 pm
The two candidates with the chance to become the next prime minister have been selected by the Concatanive party's 1812 back-bench committee.
Reading from a prepared statement, committee member Joseph Polingson said, "A number of candidates have made overtures to the committee, it was a real battle to decide between them. We're expecting a lot of fireworks and sure it will be a great campaign." before leaving the press conference giggling to himself inanely. A friend explained that unfortunately this happens a lot these days.
The two candidates selected are Margaret Commerson, Member for North Bunswold ; a staunch left-of-centre right wing idiocrat - and Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons, Member for Pidlington ; a radical 1890s throwback and registered misogynist. A silent vote will be taken from party members in two weeks time.
Sport >
2nd Test - Weekend report
Mon Apr 27, 2026 3:16 pm
Day 7 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary: 88 for 5 down 2.
Rain gave players and fans an excuse to hit the bars at the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi this weekend.
Day 6 of the match started busily, with bright sunshine and a gentle breeze providing perfect battering conditions for the Imaginary pair of Greggson and Chives. They stayed together for the whole morning session, happily bludgeoning the Umbrian chuckers to all five corners of the park, until a low-lying grubber from Juminda Boson sent Chives back down the rabbit hole.
Dark grey clouds arrived by the time of the afternoon drinks break, and though the rain stayed away for a few more hours, everyone agreed that a few pints would see the day out nicely.
Slightly cloudy conditions remained on Sunday and the day's play was abandoned before it started by mutual agreement between the captains, who both really wanted a lie-in, followed by a couple of bottles of claret.
Science & Technology >
First private moon-landing succeeds, apparently
Sun Apr 26, 2026 2:50 pm
According to widespread reports on the internetts, the first private landing on the moon has succeeded, and placed something on the moon, in private, with no-one watching.
Rumours suggest The Thing is some sort of moon lander, but that is pure speculation based on a complete lack of evidence. When we interviewed Private Moon Landings Co CEO Bruce Notonmywatchson, he refused to comment on the speculation of a landing, suggesting that "if we had landed privately on the moon I'm hardly going to tell you, unless we hadn't, or had failed to, in which case I definitely wouldn't".
Rumours of secret landing rituals and, ya know, things that make no sense to people who have any kind of rational view of the universe, have been rampant on the intrasphere since the official confirmation of the private landing was denied in secret three days ago, allegedly.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Apr 24, 2026 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Apr 20, 2026 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Apr 17, 2026 1:12 pm
Street theatre raised to new levels
Wed Apr 15, 2026 9:59 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.4 at 4128.2ICU down 0.07% against the Euro
Up 6c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Price of dorrar drops unexpectedly
'Market turmoil' can be an overused term in modern day economics, where high-frequency trading, AI and meme-stocks so often lead to wild swings in the pampas-grass fronted lawns of the major markets, but today's extreme shifts in the price of the dorrar have raised the bar to unprecedented levels.
Starting the day at five dorrar for a peck and a quick shuffle, by noon prices had reached twenty dorrar for a reacharound and the full service, before dropping off the cliff just before market close to end at two dorrar for a generally good time and a visit to the in-laws.
Eyes now turn towards the opening of East Ursian markets in the morning where old whitey is expected to take a proper bashing.
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Cuntybollocks
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