Treasury forecast for Treasure Castle
Tue Jun 30, 2026 12:01 pm
Predictions for the Treasure Castle, the leading north-east coastal tourist attraction, have had treasury boffins working overtime calculating likely dividends and standard dends based on the sudden upturn in fortunes for the north-east region, subsequent to previous happy day forecents.
Chief North-East spokesperson, Fanny Tadgerson, was keen to highlight the huge potential all along the north-east coast, "We have around 30 to 40 massive potentials in the region, if we can lever them in to place. The region is crying out for government investment to ride the wave of our massive potential potential".
Visitors to the Treasure Castle are invited to sample a range of slots, chippers and the full range of offensive snack ingredients, as well as the inevitable (and immensely satisfying) donkey derby.
Sport >
3rd test, Day 9
Tue Jun 30, 2026 2:59 pm
Day 9 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 974, declared legit.
Imaginary (2nd Innings): 183, 3 down, 2 in the hole.
As most pundits predicted, Umbrian captain, Majahid Ranmanakoolaban, declared overnight with a lead of 926 already on the board. He declared again before play this morning after realising everybody had been asleep during the first attempt.
And so, out strode Imaginary openers Ian Bullson and Jimmy Chives facing the daunting task of saving the series by battering out 6 sessions and 22 drinks breaks on a wearing pitch, the test equivalent of climbing a mountain in skates dressed in a one-piece banana costume.
It started well enough, with both players looking reasonably steady, but just before the first drinks break a tiddler from fast-slow swing chucker Sharia Boomtacki got through Bullson's inner gap and sent him trudging back down the hole with no tea. When Chives followed not long after, tickling at a chin ball from Boson, it began to look like the writing was on the wall for the Imaginary team.
Cookson and Captain Greggson steadied the ship throughout the afternoon, sticking with light ales and scoring steadily for most of the session up until tea, but with the rate slowing and the heat of a long, humid day draining their energy, a slip from Cookson to slip off a slipper from Ravishastri Poontang, Umbria's left arm stroker, sealed a strong day for Umbria.
The Imaginary team still have a chance to clinch a draw on the final day's play tomorrow, but with the pitch turning and Mandarath looking increasingly deadly, it will be a huge task to bat out the day.
Science & Technology >
Famous scienceman finds 5G spot
Mon Jun 29, 2026 1:45 pm
Famous scienceman Byron Clocks has revealed the results of the follow-up to his ping-pong Grrravity experiment.
"As we stare up at the night sky, we can only wonder at the enormity of the universe," Clocks said. "It's quite hard to get your head around it, believe me. So I thought I'd look into whether that whole Grrravity thing was related to this modern trend of wireless telephonic devices, the 3Gs and 4Gs and BGs and that."
According to Clocks, this long-awaited test also required the help of his able assistant, Brenda.
"Brenda always got quite excited when I talked about more than 4Gs, so I thought we should go for five," he said.
The team wanted to test the theory that they would get the best reception from Brenda if their peripherals were put in just the right spot to achieve optimal G. The results were conclusive: five or more Gs can be obtained.
"With Brenda we tried our peripherals in many different positions and with different levels of oscillation," Clocks explained. "There is no doubt in my mind that the 5G spot has been found, and it's just a little bit up and to the left of where you'd expect. Sadly, Brenda died of exhaustion, but I think it's how she would have wanted to go."
According to the usual scienceman convention, Clocks' results will need to be peered at for some time before kids get to learn about them at school.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Rare Margrite goes on display
Fri Jun 26, 2026 2:05 pm
Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Jun 24, 2026 12:25 pm
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Jun 19, 2026 12:34 pm
Floral response presentation
Wed Jun 17, 2026 1:07 pm
Channel 362 reveals new line-up
Mon Jun 15, 2026 2:02 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 1.0 at 4087.5ICU down -0.06% against the Euro
Down 7c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Parchant market turns
Parchants are up 4, anything, down 4 the shizzle, down with, the kids, up for a kickabout on the green or street corner.
Parchant futures are still some way off, nothing to worry about, Parchant pasts predictable. Parchants in period drama, heavily corseted and wide-mouthed, gloriously scented herb garden. (Well, I would). Sci-fi Parchants chrome-clad, not spot-on, gritty future-urban tales of dirt and destruction not much better off, its the little things that count and no-one knows.
Parchants are 4 across, slack spaced and easy, 3 down, 8 letters, 8 armed aquapod with multiple brains (Sup.).
Kenchu Viamactory from HK-BS called this "Splendid, absolutely splendid" shouting down from the 3rd floor office window refusing to come down and holding 6 children and a cleaning lady hostage, waiting to be extradited.
Today's Crossword
Godammnit
Infinite Suduko
