It's International Kiwi Floating Day
Wed Apr 22, 2026 3:49 pm
Kiwiland's annual celebration of Kiwi Floating gets underway today with hundreds of people already gathering around lakes and large puddles, kiwi in hand, ready to see if they float.
The tradition has been a yearly event in Kiwiland since the 12th century, when Dutch pioneers first discovered the birds resting next to a lake in the province of Watunatonger. Back then the Dutch sailors were a superstitious and cautious people who believed many of the birds contained the spirits of witches ; by throwing the flightless birds into the lake they were able to determine which were witches and which weren't witches - which ones floated were witches, and the others that didn't which weren't witch.
Though the tradition continues today largely unchanged, in our more enlightened times we know that all Kiwis float and all are witches. Still worth chucking them into a lake before eating them though, just to make sure.
Sport >
2nd Test - Day 3 report
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:27 pm
Day 3 Close
Umbria: 116 with 9 down 12.
In a grueling day's play at the Costcuttle ground in Jillhadi, Umbrian battersman Mahwannacup Bruhinda launched a vicious assault on the Imaginary chuckers, scoring a rapid fire 14 in the 4 hours before drinks and 26 more afterwards.
After play, Imaginary's captain Tony Greggson spoke with reporters and said "You have to give it to him, it was a magnificent performance. We may have had a few too many in the interval but when you come up against a player like that sometimes you just have to sit back and admire it". Bruhindi was equally gracious, "The Imaginary chuckers made it difficult all day, particularly after the whiskies, but I just set out to play my natural game."
The day ended on a positive note for Greggson's team, when offside dipper chucker Stevie Johnsonson forced an unexpected error from Bruhinda's partner Simbadbadman, who chipped a short one to big wide leg and had to go back down the rabbit hole with no tea.
Day 4 will bring up the Umbrian tail, and Greggson will be hoping his chuckers knock them out early.
Science & Technology >
IEye "will change the way we see" says Ivanian visionary
Wed Apr 22, 2026 12:25 pm
After days of speculation, Ivanian visionary Isiah Ayeaye has finally revealed the "must-have" technology that pundits claim will either make or break Ayeaye, Inc.
The IEye, according to Ayeaye, "will change the way we see the world". During a prestigious press conference at Vision House, in Acton's fashionable West End, Ayeaye - sporting his trademark turtleshell trousers - wowed attendees with a presentation that was as breathtaking as it was brief.
In just 20 seconds, we saw a mind-blowing montage of cafe hipsters, zealous developers and robotic assemblers bringing the IEye to life. "From warehouse to wear-house in under 20 seconds", Ayeaye claimed.
We were treated to a ten second on-hands demo with the new device, which has a sensuous feel to the eye and a rubbery feel to the nose. Once installed, it was hardly intrusive - and, while our demo was brief, we can assert that it certainly changed the way we view the world.
Mass production is "commencing", Ayeaye said. We hope to bring you a full review when our NDA expires in 2024.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Apr 20, 2026 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Apr 17, 2026 1:12 pm
Street theatre raised to new levels
Wed Apr 15, 2026 9:59 pm
New shows coming to Nooplux
Mon Apr 13, 2026 7:33 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.7 at 4065.7ICU down 0.08% against the Euro
Down 7c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Profits boost for Urinal Waxing
Urinal Waxing Corp of NY announced greater than expected profits in their first quarter prelims released today.
Jim Tinsonbuntson of analysts Loose, White and Gagging gave the report three oversized thumbs up : "Urinal's first quarter completely blew our expectations out of the water, took 'em to a bar, gave 'em 6 double whiskeys then slid 'em down a well greased rope slide into a pool full of sexy".
CEO Filon Waxing painted a rosy picture for shareholders in FY2017, which was nice of him.
Today's Crossword
Shitbags
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