Cross party talks end in argument
Mon Jun 22, 2026 1:40 pm
Long serving members of the Cross Party, representing upset, disgruntled and argumentative members of the community have walked out of talks with each other after representatives expressed anger at their own ability to accept the reality of the stuff they were talking about.
The parliamentary argument started late in the afternoon when the member for frequent mild annoyance clashed with the representative for something seriously disturbing which you can't quite put a finger on. Their argument spilled out into the division lobbies, down the stairs, through the hall and then trickled along into the outside guttering where it was pecked at by a passing buzzard.
Bystanders were standing by and onlookers looked on as the Cross Party group were joined by leaders of the Furious Society, who raised the volume a couple more notches before the members of Calm Down Now, Break it Up intervened and everyone went home.
Sport >
3rd test, 1st day
Mon Jun 22, 2026 2:15 pm
The skies over Durham Massala conspired to provide perfect conditions for Day 1 of the third test, clear blue skies and a gas mark 4 heat, just sufficiently limited by a fan oven breeze of 5mph, blowing east to west over the pure green grass of the sacred turf.
Roll on 11am ('opening time'), an expectant hush descended over the capacity crowd and the centuries-old traditional bell was struck thrice to bring forward the captains ready for the toss. Umbrian captain Majahid Ranmanakoolaban strode out exuding a calm confidence, while Imaginary captain Greggson was still tinkering with his run-up as he progressed to the middle.
And so it began.. Guest umpire Michael Parkinson thrusted the coin skywards, Greggson with a swift forward defensive, Ranmanakoolaban countering with a deep drive from the blanket-cover.. move followed move, defense countered attack, counter-attack flowed into lethargy and soon, first drinks were taken.
By the end of the second session, with the officials moving on to the Rum and Cokes and both captains starting to show signs of wear, Greggson looked to have the upper hand, with even the unlikely prospect of a single day's toss in the offing. But an inspired final session from Ranmanakoolaban kept the game wide-open, with a best of 5 on the cards, and a final first day's declaration before shorts led to both captains able to walk off with valid reasons to be cheerful and a deep mutual respect for an excellent day's play in the bag.
Sparks will no doubt fly on day 2, with Greggson still having the advantage and, although a Pokeham Sweep is likely, the firm possibility of an early toss victory is very much a realistic proposition.
Science & Technology >
Probe launch fails
Mon Jun 22, 2026 2:25 pm
The Imaginary Space Investigation Service (ISIS) confirmed today that the Marrrs-bound, multi-billion sheckle 'Explorer V' probe failed to launch correctly at the weekend because it was not plugged in.
Chief ISIS Orbital Insertion Specialist, Kurt Verngutson, explained that "The probe launch execution remained in a sub-optimal progression state following a static alignment disruption in the launcher power-systems."
The probe later launched 16 hours behind schedule when a cleaning lady mistakenly inserted the plug, instead of her hoover, at which point the earth was facing the wrong direction and the misguided booster sent the expensive probe plunging into the sun and whatnot.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Jun 19, 2026 12:34 pm
Floral response presentation
Wed Jun 17, 2026 1:07 pm
Channel 362 reveals new line-up
Mon Jun 15, 2026 2:02 pm
Christmas Fantastic album review
Thu Jun 11, 2026 1:51 pm
Product Review: 5 litre Elvis
Wed Jun 10, 2026 1:24 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.3 at 4118.6ICU down 0.09% against the Euro
Up 7c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Broadspan futures rosy
Investment future derivative merchants, Broadspan, well regarded all up and down the city line through their years of above baseline fruitfulness, have continued their onward march with a set of rosy futures that are bringing traders to their knees with excitement.
"Broadspan's future portfolio makes me soo happy", said one investor, "I've got a portacabin's worth of joy bottled up and eager to pop just as soon as their futures mature and become the past".
So far, Broadspan (BCAP, CFAR, On the NAD-TRAK 100, Underling) haven't budged significantly, and future imperfect still looks some way off, with little danger of the past tense due to regular massage and an overperforming back catalogue that rarely fails to impress. Impress holdings are down 3, relaxed due to massage all down the line, which is a cyclical usual for this time of year.
Today's Crossword
Balls
