Protesters gather for March march
Tue Jun 09, 2026 12:23 pm
Protesters have gathered outside cabinet, near the table and down by the chairs, ready to start their nice big march about the potential replacement of March by June.
So far the protests have been peaceful, almost sleepy, although a small rival group, protesting in favour of the replacement of March with April, did cause a minor fracas when they stole someone's shoes.
Amongst a gaggle of chanting marchers - mostly standing still chanting "March!" and "We've already got enough Junes!" - we were able to catch a few words with controversial opposition MP, Amanda Danderanderson, who is backing the protest. "I'm backing the protest" she said, "but only until June. I mean March!", at which point everyone stomped off in a huff.
Sport >
Big Hoop and a stick final approaches
Mon Jun 08, 2026 1:14 pm
As the lights dim on the big hoop and a stick semi-final rounds and the dust settles on the iconic play area, excitement immediately starts to build for big hoop and a stick fans looking forward to finals day.
This year's tournament has been a big hoop and a stick rollercoaster ; From the cool, almost-too-cool victory of big hoop and a stick newcomer Ronnie Tigerball over fading veteran Ken Talamanson, to the nail-bitingly close deciding frame between the three Whackerplate twins. From the highs of Tigerball's superb second-round double transverse, to the low following Talamson's subsequent arrest and imprisonment, we've had it all.
Imaginary youths up and down the country have been out in the streets, doing the things that you do with a big hoop and a stick, and sporting goods suppliers have been inundated with requests for pro-quality sticks and big hoops. The nation has been gripped by big hoop and a stick fever.
Relaxing in his between-matches jacuzzi, Tigerball looks calm and collected, if we didn't know better we'd have no inkling that he was about to participate in one of the biggest big hoop and a stick finals this century. Meanwhile, one or two of the remaining Whackerplate twins are more workmanlike, practicing for hours on end each day with their big hoop and a stick, doing the things you do with it.
Predictions are that its going to be the most-watched big hoop and stick event of the century, and its unlikely to disappoint.
Science & Technology >
Inventor of telescope killed by close-to thing
Tue Jun 09, 2026 2:08 pm
Investigations into a new hoard of historical documents have revealed the truth behind the death of world famous scientist and inventor, Lord Alfred Tennesse-Williams, and blown apart the established story of death by self-flagellation.
Teams from the Central Squad for Historical Investigations conducted extensive research, and referenced numerous documents produced at the time of Tennesse-Williams' death, and proved conclusively that the renowned scientist actually fell down an unseen hole.
Documents reveal that the unfortunate accident was covered up to avoid widespread panic and fear of looking at things far away - something the government of the day was actively encouraging.
"Cabinet records show that Chief of the Treasury, Sir Malcom Bradburyson, was desperate to avoid an epidemic of people only looking at things that were close to them, and believed that Tenessee-Williams' death could have upset the delicate balance between near and far sight that existed in the country at the time", revealed Lead Investigator, Bruce Warmtuskinson.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Imaginary man rues interview opportunity
Mon Jun 08, 2026 2:33 pm
Review: Eczemas Bumper Humper
Thu Jun 04, 2026 1:41 pm
Salmon streaming
Tue Jun 02, 2026 2:10 pm
Jackson Jones finds his funk
Fri May 29, 2026 2:34 pm
Book Review: The Turn of the Shoe
Wed May 27, 2026 1:39 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.8 at 4136.6ICU up 0.08% against the Euro
Down 9c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Lastminute holidays suffer customer retention issue
Lastminute Holidays, a firm offering away-day package all-in-one city-break tours to the terminally ill community, admitted today their business model is suffering from a lack of repeat visits.
The Imaginary holiday firm is well-known for its quirky marketing gimmicks ; Customers on their death beds are welcomed at their destinations by Lastminute reps dressed in tattered cloaks and carrying massive scythes. Variations on the traditional holiday camp greetings ; 'Hi de die!' and 'Don't worry, you ain't got long left now' rarely fail to raise a titter or two, except in those cases where the customer has died during the coach journey from the airport.
A spokescat for Lastminute admitted that "Customer retention has always been an issue for us, especially for the budget return packages, where the guest is cremated and returned in hand-luggage for a great value holiday" but also expressed optimism for the business's future : "we're hopeful of a new and growing market as the world comes to an end.", they purred.
Today's Crossword
Dagnabbit
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