Satirical character barred from further mention
Sat May 16, 2026 2:21 pm
Imaginary politicians frequently tread a thin line, on one hand wanting to avoid parody, on the other not wanting to appear completely irrelevant, and on the other being sufficiently good at maths and physiology. Today though the high court ruled that the recent visit of controversial Armernican fraudster Dr Farts had crossed that line and Dr Farts was not to be mentioned again.
Dr Farts has become famous in Armernica for doing things that people either quite like or are quite annoyed by, depending on their views of whatever it is he is going on about. It may seem a difficult concept to grasp for Imaginary citizens used to the more sedate political cycle of carefully crafted resignations, installations and sufficient time at the Test, but Armernicans apparently take it all very seriously. (Or don't, because they're all stoopid. Either way).
In accordance with the high court ruling, this journal will in the future only refer to Dr Farts as Mr Poopypants.
Sport >
Jones ready for hitting competition
Fri May 15, 2026 2:18 pm
Semi-world championship contender Fanny Jones has declared himself ready for a full-on hitting competition with someone else of a similar stature.
Semi-world champion, Lion Fantastic, has already nodded a brief acceptance of the proposed hitting competition challenge using his neck muscles under contractual obligation of their mutual promoter, Bighair Jackson.
The hitting competition is expected to last for a period of time, with the hitting commencing in time to some bells and finishing when one of the competitors doesn't want to get hit any more than they have already. The winner will receive a belt and a new pair of socks.
Science & Technology >
Woman says Bigger Pingus doesn't count
Sun May 17, 2026 12:51 pm
A new report proves that yet another popular belief has turned out to be neither popular nor correct.
Professor Woman, head assistant at Oxtail University, has revealed the outcome of three months' intensive testing of various sizes of Pingus.
"I honestly don't know who's paying for this research, but I don't like it," said Woman. "It makes me breathless just thinking about it, but I suppose if you give me the money I'll do it for science."
Prof. Woman tested multiple Pinguses in multiple positions. At no time was the rare Bigger Pingus able to count.
"I really don't know who thought they could. I mean, it's obvious isn't it?" she said.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Album Review: Benny Brucebar: Live at the Smokehouse
Fri May 15, 2026 2:17 pm
Performance artist Michel Pappinion's new show
Tue May 12, 2026 1:41 pm
IBTV scores a hit with new reality show
Sun May 10, 2026 2:16 pm
New cinema releases
Fri May 08, 2026 12:45 pm
Gig Review : Mudpickers at The Tent
Mon May 04, 2026 5:08 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.8 at 4158.8ICU up -0.04% against the Euro
Up 8c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Report Update
Measures of coping with pressure highlighted and recognised by alms, belt-tightening and illegal humours, base shifting. Up and double-up listings prepared by the wealthy.
Further pressures highlighted by the absence of things from the seventies, all legit and above aboard, large swings to the valley.
Six-percent proof, ten-percent proof of that, turbulent and chaotic maths symposium not likely to go down well with the traditionalists.
Up and double-up, full circular. Traffic. Teleport catapult, reflexive potential from off the board, and it's a terrible mess. "Ignore me" said analysts at city brokerage firm Loose, White and Gagging.
Today's Crossword
Cuntybollocks
