House Privacy Committee submits final report
Fri Apr 10, 2026 12:32 pm
The House Privacy Committee, which was discovered recently to consist of 35 members and to have been in existence for 15 years without being spotted, has submitted its final report to the government.
Committee member, Polly Tipson, spoke to reporters outside the House Chambers and expressed her dissatisfaction about the recent discovery of the committee. "We have been taking our responsibilities very seriously, not a single lapse once all these years. That our committee was eventually revealed by our opponent's Hiding and Seeking Committee is obviously a political manoeuvre designed to distract attention from the Opposition Party's internal investigation into Hiding Behind Trees and the Intergovernmental Panel for Saying Something Naughty then Running Away".
Mrs Tipson then immediately said something naughty and ran away, which has sparked a wave of scandalous rumours in parliamentary tea rooms.
Sport >
Pickers pick up Picklington in the draft-excluder
Fri Apr 10, 2026 12:39 pm
Its draft-excluder week in the IFL and backrooms across the country have been full of the traditional horse-dealing, house-trading, banter and biscuits that go on before the transfer sticker deadline at the end of the month.
In early movements, the Pickers swapped Picklington for their biggest draft-excluder while the Diggers capitulated and gave up a big first hole to the Iona Rockets, where they'll expect to pick up Ricky Trousers if he passes the medical and starch-test.
Nothing is unlikely to deter hotshot college star Heston Armatrading from joining the resurgent Snakes, but the press room is still full abuzz with questions on who the Snakes will pick up on their second bite, possibly Contagious or Lethal if either are still available. Bobby Contagious of M.Y. State refused to be interviewed on the speculation while Jackie Lethal, though happy to talk, was incomprehensible.
One thing is for sure, next season is going to be awash with new talent eager to prove their chaps in the opening matches.
Science & Technology >
Interstellar Pope crosses stellar boundary
Fri Apr 10, 2026 1:45 pm
Originally launched in the 1970s, Pope John Paul George Ringo III has now officially entered interstellar space.
Contrary to popular misconceptions, there is no sphere of doors separating the 'Inside' and 'Outside' of our solar system, nor indeed a massive rope, but instead a magnetised barrier of charged ions that stream away from our sun and push against interstellar wind space through a mechanism known as 'heliotropic beating off'.
Sensors onboard the Pope recently began to detect the beating off, with a change in the direction of ion polarisation indicating the Pope was crossing the solar system boundary and probably producing a cool, retro teleport type effect like in 60's Star Trek.
The Imaginary Space Agency confirmed the transition into interstellar space last night, after the faint sound of the Pope's haunted screams faded away into silence.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Review: Kirson's latest mini-series
Fri Apr 10, 2026 2:34 pm
Bruce Monsoon dies aged 96
Wed Apr 08, 2026 12:19 pm
Rare Margrite goes on display
Fri Apr 03, 2026 2:05 pm
Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Apr 01, 2026 12:25 pm
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Mar 27, 2026 12:34 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.9 at 4146.3ICU up 0.02% against the Euro
Down 10c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Not interested rates raised
The Central Imaginary Bank announced a surprise hike in not interested rates today, spooking investors with a boo to their face.
The Central Bank board, having hiked around Ben Noovis, across Adrian's Upper Wall and down the South Coast bypass had blisters in places their mothers' wouldn't recognise, their favourite conversation pieces now all tired and worn to the nub through over use. Not a single board member remained interested and the hike duly published.
Corporate analysts at city darlings' Loose, White and Gagging apologised to all concerned but promised that they had absolutely no recollection of the night's events in question, your honour.
Today's Crossword
Fuckballs
