Danoosh Kareeem reaches unprecedented levels
Fri Apr 24, 2026 3:23 pm
The Danoosh Kareeem, which strikes South Marmurnia in a regular seven-year cycle, has this year reached levels never previously recorded.
The giant swelling is now 4 times larger than in a non-Kareeem year, and up 15% on the peak at last cycle.
Local resident, Pini Timpanilim, described how it has affected life in their small village in northern South Marmurnia : "Our village life is normally peaceful and quiet, the seasons come and go, we welcome each winter with eyes open, and each summer with our arms outstretched. In Autumn we sit in circles, and in Spring we have each other round for tea. The Danoosh Kareeem changes our lives, this year we have our eyes downcast.".
Sport >
Snakes level series in overtime thriller
Sat Apr 25, 2026 9:39 pm
Friday's second semi-final playoff match between the Chinoke Snakes and the L.Y. Bears came down to the wire, the Snakes' star centre Carlton Weaksaway snatching victory with a two-pointer 5 minutes into overtime.
Seconds left before the final whistlehorn and with the Bears in posession, the pressure was all on the Snakes. When Lead Cover, Jerome Terrinson, tripped tracking the long-arm it looked all over, but Bear's Halftacker Bobby Harrison's desperate lunge to the line wasn't enough to break the 27-27 deadlock.
There followed a tense overtime period, with both defenses holding firm, before a rapid forearm shuffle from Weaksaway forced the Bear's frontline away, leaving a gap large enough for Weaksaway to sneak through and take the 2 points.
The deciding playoff match between the teams takes place a week today, with the victorious team going on to meet the Diggers on the Holy Ground in December's SuperFinal.
Full scorecard :
Bears - 27
(Buttmews 6 @ 2 (og), Lenson-jenson 3 @ 10, 6 @ 18, Jackson 3 @ 28, Bullwackery 3 @ 52, Jackson 6 @ 79)
Snakes - 29 (ot)
(Wilson 3 @ 4, Weaksaway 6 @ 14, Venison 6 @ 42, 3 @ 57 (+3 pointer), Kopperburn 6 @ 81, Weaksaway 2 @ 90 + 5 )
Science & Technology >
First private moon-landing succeeds, apparently
Sun Apr 26, 2026 2:50 pm
According to widespread reports on the internetts, the first private landing on the moon has succeeded, and placed something on the moon, in private, with no-one watching.
Rumours suggest The Thing is some sort of moon lander, but that is pure speculation based on a complete lack of evidence. When we interviewed Private Moon Landings Co CEO Bruce Notonmywatchson, he refused to comment on the speculation of a landing, suggesting that "if we had landed privately on the moon I'm hardly going to tell you, unless we hadn't, or had failed to, in which case I definitely wouldn't".
Rumours of secret landing rituals and, ya know, things that make no sense to people who have any kind of rational view of the universe, have been rampant on the intrasphere since the official confirmation of the private landing was denied in secret three days ago, allegedly.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Apr 24, 2026 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Apr 20, 2026 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Apr 17, 2026 1:12 pm
Street theatre raised to new levels
Wed Apr 15, 2026 9:59 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.3 at 4095.4ICU down -0.08% against the Euro
Up 1c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Price of dorrar drops unexpectedly
'Market turmoil' can be an overused term in modern day economics, where high-frequency trading, AI and meme-stocks so often lead to wild swings in the pampas-grass fronted lawns of the major markets, but today's extreme shifts in the price of the dorrar have raised the bar to unprecedented levels.
Starting the day at five dorrar for a peck and a quick shuffle, by noon prices had reached twenty dorrar for a reacharound and the full service, before dropping off the cliff just before market close to end at two dorrar for a generally good time and a visit to the in-laws.
Eyes now turn towards the opening of East Ursian markets in the morning where old whitey is expected to take a proper bashing.
Today's Crossword
Fuckbiscuit
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