Prime Ministerial candidates hit campaign trail
Wed May 06, 2026 2:00 pm
Both Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons and rival Margaret Commerson hit the campaign trail today, before heading outside and meeting voters.
The curious parliamentary ritual first began in 1854 when elder statesman Pat the Younger competed for the newly created post of Lord of the Chancellery with his younger brother Pat the Elder, and all Prime Ministerial candidates have mimicked the process since.
Once out with the voters, both candidates discussed political things with constituents and members of their regional parties, with Sir Double-Jamesons - in disguise - repeating allegations of the non-existence of his opponent. Mrs Commerson, meanwhile, was discussing the plight of ex-pat communities on the South Palantic Islands who face an excessive income tax burden due to recent changes in international tax law.
Regional party member, Clive Gibbonson, who questioned both candidates, was undecided : "Both have strong points. Mrs Commerson has a good grasp of the issues, whereas Sir Double-Jamesons gave me a free bottle of whiskey, so I'm currently unsure how I will vote".
The new Prime Minister will be decided in a silent vote of regional Concatanive party members next week.
Sport >
Shuffleov eyes Triple Fives title
Wed May 06, 2026 1:59 pm
All eyes are on Ivor Shuffleov in the upcoming Smacker Magnum Fives this weekend, as the 27-time doubles champion attempts to become the first person to attain the legendary "Triple Fives" title.
Shuffleov - the savant Fives spinner better known as "The Coin" on table - has every major championship trophy under his belt, which many pundits have predicted will hamper him in the final event of 2016. The Coin, however, remains bullish about his chances at the Smacker Magnum.
"Zis is goink to be eazy. Vee shall zee how ze table falls," he commented in a canned telegram delivered to the INN offices. Shuffleov has used his trademarked canned message delivery system since he first broke into the Fives arena in 1987.
The identity of the Fives legend, who always competes wearing snorkelling gear, is still a mystery and is said to be the most important thread in several outstanding suits.
This year's Smacker Magnum takes place at the Royal Obscuratory. The tables, as is customary for premier league Fives, will not be revealed until the morning after nip.
Science & Technology >
"Bigger bubbles are better" - BigCo
Wed May 06, 2026 1:59 pm
At least a quarter of everything now runs "on the bubble", according to BigCo.
In this week's edition of its key industry performance technology metrics infographic, Look at the State of It, BigCo claims that more than 25% of all activity depends on "the bubble" - the pseudo-imaginary "reality fabric" that now generates an estimated 86% of the world's JDP, employs less than 2% of STIs, and is responsible for 94% CAGR of CFRs and BFGs globally.
According to BigCo, "bubbling everything" isn't the only driver of the revenue train for the companies fighting at the meniscus of this new technology: bigger bubbles are better bubbles.
"People like bubbles, the bigger the better. Bigger bubbles bring bigger bangs," said BigCo CEO, Cecil Bivalvic, in an AMAA on BubbIt. "I mean, it stands to reason."
Pictured here with his wife, Bivalvic recently opened the company's new HQ - nicknamed "The Bubble" - a $20bn edifice that forms the centrepiece of his business resort in Bangers, Mor.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Gig Review : Mudpickers at The Tent
Mon May 04, 2026 5:08 pm
Theatre Review: Copperson at the Old Nick
Thu Apr 30, 2026 5:04 pm
TV Highlights : Broken Armchair
Tue Apr 28, 2026 5:29 pm
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Apr 24, 2026 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:26 am
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.8 at 4082.9ICU down 0.05% against the Euro
Up 2c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
C co up high, down low
C co., manufacturers of cereals, crockery and carpets today announced record profits, but revealed a miserable tendency.
Turnover, margins and marginal turnovers were all up at the diverse Imaginary factory outlet, and shareholders welcomed the accounts with a right little knees-up. But C CEO, Philip Carson, just couldn't help getting all down about things, moaning that "it doesn't really mean anything does it? I mean, in the greater picture.. So we've made a load of money.. we've sold loads of cereals, crockery and carpets. But whats it actually mean? We're all still gonna die. I'll have a bit more stuff than most of you lot for a while, but in the end, we're all dust."
C shares rocked all day long to the beat of a distant drum, before rising sharply, sinking slowly then leveling off mid-flight.
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