MP jailed "just to be safe"
Wed Feb 25, 2026 1:18 pm
Concatanive MP Jasper Hugenson was found guilty in the High Court today and sentenced to 6 years in jail on preventative grounds.
Judge Hairson, of the Bar, for most of the day unless theres an important meeting to go to, delivered the sentence standing on an old iron washtub using a loudhailer, declaring that Hugenson "was almost certainly up to no good at some point in the future so it was only sensible to prosecute now and save a whole load of bother". "I thank you", he added cheerily, while dismounting.
Although Hairson's views have proven controversial in the past, particularly the life-sentence he gave to a group of 4-year old boys for not pronouncing their 'T-H's' properly, in this circumstance there was a general agreement that justice had been pre-emptively served and there was definitely no potential for abuse in the whole affair, as everyone was over the age limit and fine about it.
Sport >
Snakes edge Bears to go to SuperFinal
Wed Feb 25, 2026 6:01 am
The build-up to Tuesday night's decider between the Chinoke Snakes and the L.Y. Bears ended up being more exciting than the match itself, as the Snakes dominated the Bears, finishing the game 25 minutes early when Bear's star centre Mickey Jackson fumbled with the safety ball.
The match had started well for the Bears when Halftacker Bobby Harrison pitched up a doozy to put the Snakes down 12 early. But it went rapidly downhill from there on, the Snakes converting from all 5 corners of the park with consummate ease.
The Snakes will meet the Diggers on the Holy Ground in December's SuperFinal.
Full scorecard :
Bears - 12
(Harrison 12 @ 2)
Snakes - 83
(Weaksaway 9 @ 4, 3 @ 5, 6 @ 16, Wilson 12 @ 18, Venison 6 @ 30, 3 @ 32 (+3 pointer), Piltdown 12 @ 33, Kopperburn 6 @ 41, Weaksaway 12 @ 41, 3 @ 49, (Jackson) 8 @ 55 (safety ball) )
Science & Technology >
Artifical intelligence reveals fake real intelligence
Tue Feb 24, 2026 1:42 pm
In a paper to be published in respected journal Nurture, scientists from the Minitopolis Institute of Technarrrbalollogistics suggest that their recent experiments into artificial intelligence have revealed that actual intelligence is most likely artificial.
The paper, by Professors James Stoner, Peter High, Timothy Crack and Sebastian Vettel, cites years of research which they claim proves that it is mathematically impossible to be intelligent ; it being unnatural, and therefore artificial, to be anything more than a semi-random collection of primordial chemical oozing, what with entropy and everything else.
Interviewed by the INN, Professor Stoner said "Hi!", Professor High said "Oh man", Professor Crack refused to comment and Sebastian Vettel was - unfortunately - too busy fine-tuning his front/rear wing balance and helping select the correct tyres for wet weather conditions.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Gig review: Blue Prince at the Complexity Pit
Wed Feb 25, 2026 2:43 pm
Oven all the finds
Mon Feb 23, 2026 12:11 pm
Album Review: Benny Brucebar: Live at the Smokehouse
Fri Feb 20, 2026 2:17 pm
Performance artist Michel Pappinion's new show
Tue Feb 17, 2026 1:41 pm
IBTV scores a hit with new reality show
Sun Feb 15, 2026 2:16 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 1.0 at 4094.1ICU down 0.05% against the Euro
Down 1c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Massive writedown for Billswang
Cornean electronics giant, Billswang, has announced a 45 billion yum writedown on its mobile division after it was found to be largely immobile.
The massive factory was due to be moved down-river at the end of the FY, but engineers found that foundations had become set, barely 6 months after construction and 3 months since inital output began. Billswang share prices dropped a shedload on the news, with analysts predicting a full arsebagging by the Cornean government when it meets again next month.
BIllswang CEO Yim Long Tungsten declined to offer his resignation but did suggest he might set fire to the factory late one night and claim the insurance money.
Billswang closed down 400, with the ITSY split up three-quarters.
Today's Crossword
Dagnabbit
Poetry Corner
