Party party parliamentary party
Thu May 14, 2026 1:32 pm
The multi-nationalist and hedonistic Party party has started a parliamentary party to celebrate their first 5 years of Party partying.
The party, which is expected to last 5 years, was officially started by the Party party representative for North Partyton, Dilly Partyon, who has been giving it large since the 1980s and refuses to be beaten down by the heavy stick.
Party party spokesperson Panty Partypantson said "The Party party has proudly represented party parties for the last 5 years and we hope to continue the party Party for long to come. Sorry, i meant the Party party. Can we cut that bit out in the edit?".
Sport >
Jones ready for hitting competition
Fri May 15, 2026 2:18 pm
Semi-world championship contender Fanny Jones has declared himself ready for a full-on hitting competition with someone else of a similar stature.
Semi-world champion, Lion Fantastic, has already nodded a brief acceptance of the proposed hitting competition challenge using his neck muscles under contractual obligation of their mutual promoter, Bighair Jackson.
The hitting competition is expected to last for a period of time, with the hitting commencing in time to some bells and finishing when one of the competitors doesn't want to get hit any more than they have already. The winner will receive a belt and a new pair of socks.
Science & Technology >
Atmospheric unit concentration reaches record levels
Thu May 14, 2026 1:31 pm
The amount of units in the atmosphere has been steadily rising since the 16th century mathematical revolution, and this year measurements suggest it will reach record levels.
Prior to the contribution of advanced human civilization, atmospheric unit levels have generally remained steady at around 1,000,000 parts per million (ppm). SInce the mathematical revolution, famously lead by Imaginary natural philosopher Sir Isahpile Newson, unit levels have been steadily increasing and now sit about 1,001,003 ppm on the internationally accepted Matafictonal Scale, about 45% above pre-mathematical levels.
Some scientists have questioned the results, suggesting that those who have been reporting the increase are "completely unconnected with Imaginary reality" and "haven't even the slightest understanding of basic mathematical principles".
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Album Review: Benny Brucebar: Live at the Smokehouse
Fri May 15, 2026 2:17 pm
Performance artist Michel Pappinion's new show
Tue May 12, 2026 1:41 pm
IBTV scores a hit with new reality show
Sun May 10, 2026 2:16 pm
New cinema releases
Fri May 08, 2026 12:45 pm
Gig Review : Mudpickers at The Tent
Mon May 04, 2026 5:08 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.4 at 4148.4ICU down -0.09% against the Euro
Up 4c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Oil prices shaky, squeaky door?
Oil prices had a turbulent ride yesterday, starting the day up 4% on rumours of so-called "squeaky doors" in the Balarian palace, before suffering a massive presumptious drop when sources cast doubts on the story.
By the end of the day, with both supply and demand having looked happy enough with their lunch, prices had returned to the levels they started at, and everyone went home satisfied with another day wasted.
Analysts at traders Loods, who have been in the oil business since the 13th century, suggested that "There's always a bit of turbulence when squeaky door rumours first appear, but most of the big beasts in this field are happy to ride the bull out up to the barn on this one". Oil closed at 6:30, 5:30 on the weekend.
Today's Crossword
Knobcobblers
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