Aspaniola batch sprung again
Mon Jun 29, 2026 1:03 pm
Twice monthly now since its inception, the aspaniola batch has been sprung, leaving hesitant crowds dismayed.
Here in neighbouring Esta Monte Nuevo Grande Fulvera Popalotapuss, onlookers trudge mournfully back to their shabby little homesteads, reluctantly admitting that it is going to take at least one more clean 30-day period before the the aspaniola can remain unsprung.
Esta Monte Nuevo Grande Fulvera Popalotapuss resident, Snr Estaben Monte Nueve Grande Fulvera Popalotpuss III, confessed to our reporter that his disappointment was manifold, on a purely emotional level, sure, but also that he'd put a large amount of his family savings into shorts positions on an unsprung aspaniola and that this ongoing spring is likely to leave him, his family, all the residents of the town and the majority of the world's population with little reward for their efforts. But feck em, they deserve it.
Sport >
3rd test, weekend update
Mon Jun 29, 2026 12:14 pm
Day 8 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 974, no man down.
In what could be a deciding few days for this test series, Umbria's opening battersmen, Mahwannacup Bruhinda and Noobat Cooli, provided a comprehensive display of high-class battership, remaining completely unbeaten and keeping a steady hand through 9 sessions and 33 drinks breaks.
By mid-way through Day 6, with Umbria pushing their lead past 100 and Bruhinda effectively bringing an armchair, comfortable sofa and a small coffee table to the crease - so much was he looking at home in the middle - Imaginary heads started to droop and the hopes of a rare Imaginary victory started to fade.
By tea and drinks on Day 7, with the lead rolling past 500, a large contingent of the crowd, as well as a number of the Imaginary fielders, had settled down in the many bars around the ground for a good, long, uninterrupted evening session.
Day 8 continued in much the same vain, Imaginary captain Greggson's desperation beginning to show when Jimmy Chives was given the ball for a few overs of his part-time oft-chucking, and his desperation peaking when Greggson started offering the ball to people in the crowd, trying to entice someone new on for a few overs.
An overnight declaration is now likely, with the Imaginary battersmen facing the unenviable prospect of having to batter out the last couple of days on a wearing pitch to avoid defeat.
Science & Technology >
Famous scienceman finds 5G spot
Mon Jun 29, 2026 1:45 pm
Famous scienceman Byron Clocks has revealed the results of the follow-up to his ping-pong Grrravity experiment.
"As we stare up at the night sky, we can only wonder at the enormity of the universe," Clocks said. "It's quite hard to get your head around it, believe me. So I thought I'd look into whether that whole Grrravity thing was related to this modern trend of wireless telephonic devices, the 3Gs and 4Gs and BGs and that."
According to Clocks, this long-awaited test also required the help of his able assistant, Brenda.
"Brenda always got quite excited when I talked about more than 4Gs, so I thought we should go for five," he said.
The team wanted to test the theory that they would get the best reception from Brenda if their peripherals were put in just the right spot to achieve optimal G. The results were conclusive: five or more Gs can be obtained.
"With Brenda we tried our peripherals in many different positions and with different levels of oscillation," Clocks explained. "There is no doubt in my mind that the 5G spot has been found, and it's just a little bit up and to the left of where you'd expect. Sadly, Brenda died of exhaustion, but I think it's how she would have wanted to go."
According to the usual scienceman convention, Clocks' results will need to be peered at for some time before kids get to learn about them at school.
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Arts & Entertainment >
Rare Margrite goes on display
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Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Jun 24, 2026 12:25 pm
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
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Floral response presentation
Wed Jun 17, 2026 1:07 pm
Channel 362 reveals new line-up
Mon Jun 15, 2026 2:02 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.9 at 4151.3ICU up -0.05% against the Euro
Up 2c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Slide manufacturing output slides
Latest quarterly figures for swings, slides and general playground paraphernalia manufacturing suggest a mixed bag for the industry at £1.25/100g, extra for the fruit and nut.
The newly released figures highlighted a big downward trend in slide manufacturing, swings and roundabout output rates were both indicative of a more volatile trading picture (with prices rising, lowering and going round and round and round for most of the quarter) whilst trampoline sales showed signs of rebounding.
Analyst Kenchu Viamactory from HK-BS was phlegmatic and (after apologising for the heavy cold) was keen to criticize anyone he could think of who wasn't currently in the room and was unlikely to hear what he'd said about them.
Today's Crossword
Dagnabbit
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