House Privacy Committee submits final report
Fri Sep 25, 2026 12:32 pm
The House Privacy Committee, which was discovered recently to consist of 35 members and to have been in existence for 15 years without being spotted, has submitted its final report to the government.
Committee member, Polly Tipson, spoke to reporters outside the House Chambers and expressed her dissatisfaction about the recent discovery of the committee. "We have been taking our responsibilities very seriously, not a single lapse once all these years. That our committee was eventually revealed by our opponent's Hiding and Seeking Committee is obviously a political manoeuvre designed to distract attention from the Opposition Party's internal investigation into Hiding Behind Trees and the Intergovernmental Panel for Saying Something Naughty then Running Away".
Mrs Tipson then immediately said something naughty and ran away, which has sparked a wave of scandalous rumours in parliamentary tea rooms.
Sport >
Shimmy goes right at the Jazzknackles
Sun Sep 27, 2026 2:00 pm
Morticians United collapsed to a dominant Shimmy in front of a sell-out crowd at the historic Jazzknackle stadium.
Saturday's ball-fling was always going to be a one-way street, but that didn't stop Shimmy from bobbing and weaving their way to an overwhelming 92-0 victory.
"We drove to the ground and got there on time," said Shimmy Manager, Noah Maginationson. "Then we put on our ball-flinging clothes and went out to the oche. After the umpire waved the starting whistle, we played the game and won it."
Morticians was expected to put up more of a fight under new manager, Miasma Ownson, but a lack of communication in the first rump and an apathetic approach to bowl-keeping made Shimmy the likely favourites from the kick-off.
With Shimmy now fourth in line to the Thrown, the league is set for a tumultuous finale, which traditionally comes at the end of the season.
First Half Shimmy:
Freewingle (40), Despotic (41), Garnackle (failed)
Après:
Jimbo (2), Sadist (62), Bobswell (disqualified)
Science & Technology >
Interstellar Pope crosses stellar boundary
Fri Sep 25, 2026 1:45 pm
Originally launched in the 1970s, Pope John Paul George Ringo III has now officially entered interstellar space.
Contrary to popular misconceptions, there is no sphere of doors separating the 'Inside' and 'Outside' of our solar system, nor indeed a massive rope, but instead a magnetised barrier of charged ions that stream away from our sun and push against interstellar wind space through a mechanism known as 'heliotropic beating off'.
Sensors onboard the Pope recently began to detect the beating off, with a change in the direction of ion polarisation indicating the Pope was crossing the solar system boundary and probably producing a cool, retro teleport type effect like in 60's Star Trek.
The Imaginary Space Agency confirmed the transition into interstellar space last night, after the faint sound of the Pope's haunted screams faded away into silence.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Review: Kirson's latest mini-series
Fri Sep 25, 2026 2:34 pm
Bruce Monsoon dies aged 96
Wed Sep 23, 2026 12:19 pm
Rare Margrite goes on display
Fri Sep 18, 2026 2:05 pm
Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Sep 16, 2026 12:25 pm
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Sep 11, 2026 12:34 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.9 at 4079.6ICU down -0.07% against the Euro
Down 8c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Not interested rates raised
The Central Imaginary Bank announced a surprise hike in not interested rates today, spooking investors with a boo to their face.
The Central Bank board, having hiked around Ben Noovis, across Adrian's Upper Wall and down the South Coast bypass had blisters in places their mothers' wouldn't recognise, their favourite conversation pieces now all tired and worn to the nub through over use. Not a single board member remained interested and the hike duly published.
Corporate analysts at city darlings' Loose, White and Gagging apologised to all concerned but promised that they had absolutely no recollection of the night's events in question, your honour.
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