Danoosh Kareeem reaches unprecedented levels
Fri Apr 24, 2026 3:23 pm
The Danoosh Kareeem, which strikes South Marmurnia in a regular seven-year cycle, has this year reached levels never previously recorded.
The giant swelling is now 4 times larger than in a non-Kareeem year, and up 15% on the peak at last cycle.
Local resident, Pini Timpanilim, described how it has affected life in their small village in northern South Marmurnia : "Our village life is normally peaceful and quiet, the seasons come and go, we welcome each winter with eyes open, and each summer with our arms outstretched. In Autumn we sit in circles, and in Spring we have each other round for tea. The Danoosh Kareeem changes our lives, this year we have our eyes downcast.".
Sport >
Snakes level series in overtime thriller
Sat Apr 25, 2026 9:39 pm
Friday's second semi-final playoff match between the Chinoke Snakes and the L.Y. Bears came down to the wire, the Snakes' star centre Carlton Weaksaway snatching victory with a two-pointer 5 minutes into overtime.
Seconds left before the final whistlehorn and with the Bears in posession, the pressure was all on the Snakes. When Lead Cover, Jerome Terrinson, tripped tracking the long-arm it looked all over, but Bear's Halftacker Bobby Harrison's desperate lunge to the line wasn't enough to break the 27-27 deadlock.
There followed a tense overtime period, with both defenses holding firm, before a rapid forearm shuffle from Weaksaway forced the Bear's frontline away, leaving a gap large enough for Weaksaway to sneak through and take the 2 points.
The deciding playoff match between the teams takes place a week today, with the victorious team going on to meet the Diggers on the Holy Ground in December's SuperFinal.
Full scorecard :
Bears - 27
(Buttmews 6 @ 2 (og), Lenson-jenson 3 @ 10, 6 @ 18, Jackson 3 @ 28, Bullwackery 3 @ 52, Jackson 6 @ 79)
Snakes - 29 (ot)
(Wilson 3 @ 4, Weaksaway 6 @ 14, Venison 6 @ 42, 3 @ 57 (+3 pointer), Kopperburn 6 @ 81, Weaksaway 2 @ 90 + 5 )
Science & Technology >
Desk Fan Therapy
Fri Apr 24, 2026 7:39 pm
Until recently, Dr. Heinz Bambercasm's desk fan operated in the key of A, the same as a baby's cry, and like a crying baby this was distressing to Dr. Bambercasm.
Our Chief Science reporter went to find out how this changed : "Dr. Bambercasm answered my knock at his door within a second, like he was waiting for me, even though I had not indicated any specific time for my arrival. I could see by the look on his face, and the trembling of his hand while I shook it, that this was a man under extreme stress.
'Call me Heinz' he said, and proceeded with impatience to take me through to his Study. He flipped the switch on a large box of switches sitting on his Study table (the box, not him). After a few seconds a desk fan rotated into a blurred spin and Heinz immediately relaxed. He slumped into a large comfy looking swivel chair, leather clad with button studs and a tall back (the chair, not him). He went on to explain what just happened. And then wouldn't shut up.
I'll spare you the good 30mo or so where he slowly explained how he had to replace the bearings on his swivel chair, and how hard it was to get the 3bb Uretian ones as oppose to the slightly larger but unusable native variety. And the prolonged monologue on his outings as a Snakes fan, and the large photo album he leafed through to prove it, cutting my politeness to the very core.
It turns out he removed the fan blade and turned it around, and now it sings in the key of C. He says it makes him calm but hot. I took the opportunity to test his claim by flipping back the same switch on the box of switches, sitting on the Study table (there were no other chairs). As the fan powered down, Dr. Bambercasm became more and more agitated, till he was pacing the room, kicking out anxiously at the table and walls. I knew then what would happen if I flipped the switch back on. But was this proof of the method, or just a demonstration of the state of Dr. Bambercasm's mental health? So many questions to ask and answers to find. So much potential for science.
It was at this point I left, and never saw him again."
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Apr 24, 2026 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Apr 22, 2026 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Apr 20, 2026 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Apr 17, 2026 1:12 pm
Street theatre raised to new levels
Wed Apr 15, 2026 9:59 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 1.0 at 4121.4ICU down 0.06% against the Euro
Up 8c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
FINEX markets down on quarterly GIMP figures
FINEX markets around the world closed sharply down this morning, as the latest GIMP figures suggested an increasing slowdown in global confidence avoidance.
Analyst Kenchu Viamactory from HK-BS said "Confidence avoidance levels haven't lacked this much stamina since the heavy depression of 2007, when manufacturers around the world became substantially disheartened by the little plastic things that kept getting delivered". Others meanwhile, including Head of Strategic Confidence at US banker Gordon Charts, James Weiner, suggested the downturn is a temporary setback : "Stare really closely at these figures and they kinda do your head in, but if you take a few steps back.. ideally into another room.. well from that perspective the long-term trend looks pretty flat.".
FINEX was down 6, up 4, with 3 across 'Incomplete? Spend it, perhaps? (7)' still unresolved.
Today's Crossword
Knobcobblers
Infinite Suduko
