Ledgislation approved in parliament
Thu Jun 11, 2026 2:46 pm
Parliament today voted 101-164 in favour of legislation to limit ledge sizes after new properties in north-west cumbertsonshre were found to exceed current ledge depth limitations by over 14 metres.
The issue was discovered by council staff performing initial building control inspections on properties on the newly constructed Arse Farm estate (the inspections being delayed by some weeks due to satnav confusion with nearby Elbow Grange).
The properties also featured skirting boards 15 cm below ceiling height and one had a loft hatch only 9 inches wide. The over-sized window ledges prevented inspectors entering the properties which had to be burnt to the ground before any further harm could be realised. A spokesperson for estate developers Macferson read out a prepared statement very quietly, standing too far away to be heard clearly.
Sport >
Barbosiosa hits a fifth-straight homie
Wed Jun 10, 2026 1:00 pm
In the world of Armernican sports, few rival the legendary status of Bobby Barbosiosa, who completed his eight straight match tonight with a fifth straight homie underneath the boardwalk.
With 6 on the plate and 2 more back in the dug-out, the odds looked long on Barbosiosa ; already in his long-johns, with a full field set down and counters on all corners. Many spectators had already begun the long trudge home through the cotton fields out back of the Cottonfield Dome but, striding to the plate like a shark on a travellator, Barbosiosa drew many back to their seats as he slowly wound his pipe back, pointed out a minor discrepancy in the outback, and winked to a younger cousin rising hopefully from the left trench.
The opposition pitcher : twisting, jiving, house-eyed - touched his forelock to his plectrum and launched a swingball down the rocket-length with a third on base and another half waiting to go and Barbosiosa took a long, deep, slow step back, swung his arms and propelled himself into the record books.
Then everyone went home and all was ok.
Science & Technology >
Inventor of telescope killed by close-to thing
Tue Jun 09, 2026 2:08 pm
Investigations into a new hoard of historical documents have revealed the truth behind the death of world famous scientist and inventor, Lord Alfred Tennesse-Williams, and blown apart the established story of death by self-flagellation.
Teams from the Central Squad for Historical Investigations conducted extensive research, and referenced numerous documents produced at the time of Tennesse-Williams' death, and proved conclusively that the renowned scientist actually fell down an unseen hole.
Documents reveal that the unfortunate accident was covered up to avoid widespread panic and fear of looking at things far away - something the government of the day was actively encouraging.
"Cabinet records show that Chief of the Treasury, Sir Malcom Bradburyson, was desperate to avoid an epidemic of people only looking at things that were close to them, and believed that Tenessee-Williams' death could have upset the delicate balance between near and far sight that existed in the country at the time", revealed Lead Investigator, Bruce Warmtuskinson.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Christmas Fantastic album review
Thu Jun 11, 2026 1:51 pm
Product Review: 5 litre Elvis
Wed Jun 10, 2026 1:24 pm
Imaginary man rues interview opportunity
Mon Jun 08, 2026 2:33 pm
Review: Eczemas Bumper Humper
Thu Jun 04, 2026 1:41 pm
Salmon streaming
Tue Jun 02, 2026 2:10 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.3 at 4078.7ICU down -0.06% against the Euro
Down 4c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Platinum holdings drop gold
Investment vestment venture capital holding analyst denture firm, Platinum holdings, dropped gold today like a vegetarian told his quorn burger is made of dingos' kidneys.
The firm have held holdings in gold holdings for months while prices have held steady, Eddie, said Eddie Holdings of Gold Holdings, "Holdings in gold ventures and dentures have held firm for most firms, so I'm somewhat surprised that the bottom has dropped out for Platinum."
Rumours that the bottom had indeed dropped since Platinum gave birth to its Gold fund back in November last year have been rife since the wife of Platinum CEO Alan Dropbottom demanded he adopt the position following the birth of their second child.
All the stocks so far are reacting cordially to the news, with orange, tropical and most varieties of lemon & lime holding above the 1000 FunDAQ base threshold.
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