From across the pond: Armernican politics update
Mon Jun 08, 2026 1:45 pm
Purple faced bigot has roundly attacked weeping child, child bites knees, drug mothers; obese begging, dirty, hair in terrible condition, dirty fingernails, nothing free anymore but you can sell your soul to the devil for pittance.
Evangelicals weeping as they beat the living daylights out of daylight robbers - they get away with it all of course but its still daylight robbery. Late night bar stool keepers started with just a few light beers but now have had too much bourbon and they're not going anywhere except to the beds of other stool warmers and some innocent chap who turned up and knew not much better. Clap for him in the morning.
Honest, hard-working, down-to-earth types peering cautiously from behind defensive blinds at the misplaced hobo on suburban street, all voting for the extreme once every few years, compromise candidates no compromise, nothing going to change anyway, world turning, world getting older, someone somewhere gonna do the same for less and with less concern for cutting corners. All hoping for the masked purple faced super hero come to save the day and whisk everyone off to a bubble in mars, no doubt.
Sport >
Big Hoop and a stick final approaches
Mon Jun 08, 2026 1:14 pm
As the lights dim on the big hoop and a stick semi-final rounds and the dust settles on the iconic play area, excitement immediately starts to build for big hoop and a stick fans looking forward to finals day.
This year's tournament has been a big hoop and a stick rollercoaster ; From the cool, almost-too-cool victory of big hoop and a stick newcomer Ronnie Tigerball over fading veteran Ken Talamanson, to the nail-bitingly close deciding frame between the three Whackerplate twins. From the highs of Tigerball's superb second-round double transverse, to the low following Talamson's subsequent arrest and imprisonment, we've had it all.
Imaginary youths up and down the country have been out in the streets, doing the things that you do with a big hoop and a stick, and sporting goods suppliers have been inundated with requests for pro-quality sticks and big hoops. The nation has been gripped by big hoop and a stick fever.
Relaxing in his between-matches jacuzzi, Tigerball looks calm and collected, if we didn't know better we'd have no inkling that he was about to participate in one of the biggest big hoop and a stick finals this century. Meanwhile, one or two of the remaining Whackerplate twins are more workmanlike, practicing for hours on end each day with their big hoop and a stick, doing the things you do with it.
Predictions are that its going to be the most-watched big hoop and stick event of the century, and its unlikely to disappoint.
Science & Technology >
Special Report: Notarsica glacier "dangerously translucent", say naturists
Fri Jun 05, 2026 12:35 pm
The polar regions of our world tend largely to be ignored, although of course the northernmost continent, Arsica, does host the annual Extreme Fire-Starting Games and attracts some attention from minor TV channels as a result.
Our southernmost content, Notarsica, is not so blessed. Famed for the beauty and translucency of its primary glacier, Mint, opinons of the health of the Notarsican environment are hotly disputed by a small and mostly naked group of activists.
We took a helichopper to speak with leading naturist Merry Eagerson on her ship, the Tempting Wobble. Eagerson is trying to raise awareness of the plight of the region - and especially, to what she sees (or perhaps doesn't) as a dangerous increase in the translucency of the glacier Mint.
"It's all well and good being pretty, but if you're out in the middle of nowhere and nobody can see you, what's the bloody point?" said Eagerson, naked as a babe and downing a shot. "And the animals, the animals, they are in a terrible state. How are you supposed to get any if you can't see the bloody ground?" she said, downing another. "The powers that be, well they aren't any help at all. They just deny it," she added, holding onto a rail.
President Troubador of Armenifrica is thought to be one such denier, but said "no I'm not" in a recent statement.
Notarsican wildlife includes the unusually-formed Double Penguin and its dim-witted vegetarian predator, the Molar Bear. Arsica and Notarsica were famously discovered by the multi-national Aweedram and Scotchson team. Sponsored by the mighty Double-Jamesons empire, they attempted to reach both poles in the same month using alcohol to stave off the cold. The team was never seen again after sending its final, haunting telegram: "we may be well gone for some time".
Several of the team's whiskey caches have been discovered, however, and this valuable resource sustains ongoing survey projects. Naturists continue to monitor the Notarsican glacier, although as Eagerson says, "We're well stocked, for sure, but when it comes to the science of this translucency problem, we're never entirely sure if it's getting worse, or we're looking in the wrong direction, or if the thing has disappeared altogether and we're just wasting our time."
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Imaginary man rues interview opportunity
Mon Jun 08, 2026 2:33 pm
Review: Eczemas Bumper Humper
Thu Jun 04, 2026 1:41 pm
Salmon streaming
Tue Jun 02, 2026 2:10 pm
Jackson Jones finds his funk
Fri May 29, 2026 2:34 pm
Book Review: The Turn of the Shoe
Wed May 27, 2026 1:39 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.9 at 4154.6ICU down -0.04% against the Euro
Down 3c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Muchswap bigger wang down
Muchswap bigger wang's CIAO, Italian boss, Goodbye Seeyalater, CIAO, suggests a downfaced lookout for the company is related to recent suggestive movements in the parking area.
Largely influential, up 16 this week but down overall, Muchswap was boosted in past-terms up to the third quarter reports, but has bolted now the full releases have been declared.
Analysts at corporate brokers, HK-BS, obviously have absolutely no idea what any of it means but will cover it up with a detailed and intelligent sounding statement in order to justify their increasingly ridiculous wages.
Today's Crossword
Shitspout
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