Alliteration Virus "violates viral vectors", vows Vesuvius
Tue Nov 11, 2025 5:20 pm
The Alliteration Virus that has baffled scientists since it was first discovered in the New Rain Forest is more dangerous than first realised, according to leading Venezonian Virologist, Victor Vesuvius.
The virus, which is thought to have evolved in the small population of echidna currently resident in Ecclesthorpe Zoo and Library, East Englia - introduced back to the New Rain Forest in an act of selfless environmentalism - is unique in that it appears only to affect humans who engage in extensive written communication.
This tiny group is already on the Government's "at-risk" list and considered Heritage-Only owing to its constant beleaguering by the anarchic forces of the YouthTube, whose stated purpose is to replace all forms of written communication with videos of youths playing video games, bearded youthful vikings throwing axes at melons, and attempts to scare nubile YouthTubers as they exit the shower wearing clown costumes.
In an extensive interview and dinner, Victor Vesuvius told INN that "the virus violates viral vectors" - by which, he later revealed, he means that nobody understands what it is, how it works, or whether it's actually a virus.
INN has instigated an immediate initiative to prepare prophylactic processes to prevent this vicious virus violating the editorial edifice of this venerable organ, while a third party review of INN content over the previous publication period reveals that the organ has so far declined to rise to the challenge.
Sport >
2nd Test - Day 8 Report
Tue Nov 11, 2025 5:18 pm
Day 8 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 102 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 15 for 0, 2 wide awake.
The Umbrian fieldermen had cause for celebration in the morning session on Day 8 as their opponents lost captain Tony Greggson and the entire Imaginary tail for just 8.
Only Imaginary battersman Joe Cookerson managed to keep his calm, nudging a few doubles and planting one fiver over the deep extra bucket, to allow the Imaginary total to struggle past 100. Cookerson eventually fell on 18 when he tickled Umbrian chucker Kismah Banapaddi.
Lunch and the between-innings drinks break soon followed (a selection of daals, rice and Italian reds) before Umbrian opening pair, Bruhinda and Cooli, strode out confidently for the evening session.
Play was abandoned after one hour due to 'prevailing conditions' which caused the players to return to the bar, where promises were made of a full days play tomorrow.
Science & Technology >
Vagisoft break cloud mould
Tue Nov 11, 2025 5:26 pm
Cloud services provider Vagisoft claim to have 'broken open the mould' in a new software release aimed at companies requiring blue-sky cloud services with a hint of silver lining.
The silver lining, derived from artificial sources, non-intelligence, has been in development for over 86 years using the latest machine leaning techniques, themselves developed when one of the Vagisoft servers developed a small incline, being propped up by a little piece of wood.
Vagisoft's Pressperson, Samantha Nonson, proudly claimed to "have absolutely no idea what any of you are talking about", when questioned by uninterested media partners.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
TV Highlights : Broken Armchair
Tue Nov 11, 2025 5:29 pm
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Nov 07, 2025 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Nov 05, 2025 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Nov 03, 2025 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Oct 31, 2025 1:12 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 1.0 at 4080.9ICU down -0.03% against the Euro
Up 6c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
T&N merger options collapse
Merger talks between multi-national T&N collapsed today, requiring a massive 160% floater to be retracted up the shoot.
Despite promising initial signs, people familiar with the negotiations indicated that the merging tank flotation is no longer progressing after interventions from corporate lawyers P.J. Sleepwear related to recently updated FANDAQ rulings.
The news will come as another major disappointment for T CEO, Bruce Vigginson, with his company now abandoning 3 merge flotations in the past 5 months, first with O Llp, then with Cuppa plc, and now with N.
Both T&N shares slumped rapidly after the announcement, before moderately rebounding.
Today's Crossword
Tits
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