New PM bolsters his majority
Fri Jun 26, 2026 2:57 pm
New Concatanive Prime Minister William Rondonson has announced measures to bolster his majority in parliament today.
The bolstering occurred shortly after the announcement, once the measurements had been completed and verified by House representatives. All of the measurements were within acceptable levels of tolerance according to the House Chairman, Mularchy Catspankson, giving the nod to the majority bolstering in accordance with hundreds of years of parliamentary ritual.
Opposition spokesperson, Wendy Boatscomehome, suggested that the bolstering is unlikely to go unchallenged : "We don't really recognise this bolstering as a legitimate bolstering. As a party, our approach is to see the bolstering and pretend we don't know what it is - its our belief that if we don't formally accept this reality the PM will have to back down, unbolster the majority and probably take a new yardstick down to the palace".
Sport >
3rd test, Day 5
Fri Jun 26, 2026 12:38 pm
Day 5 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 35 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 83 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 74, no man down.
It seems fair to assume that the capacity Day 5 crowd at the Durham Massala stadium came expecting another day of fireworks and chucker-dominated test match play, but it was no doubt a surprise to most to witness a day of tense and patient battership.
The day started with Umbria needing only to put the tip of the tail back in the rabbit hole, but the Imaginary tail wagged and wagged like an excited puppy being tempted by a freshly severed lamb's shin. As first morning drinks approached, and the tail resolutely striding the score on to nearly 65, a twinge of concern started to appear amongst the Umbrian chuckers. By the late-morning drinks (Friday, so cider), and the tip of the tail potentially looking to break the 84-year old record final tip stand of 26, the twinge had evolved to clear frustration, with Umbrian chucker Juminda Boson resorting to high, wide and self-addressed deliveries in the hope of exposing a false shot.
Although Boson's tactics didn't immediately produce results, he was able to claim the final prize just before lunch (Rogan Josh) when Sonson stamped a delivery back to the postbox, leaving Umbria with a 48 first innings deficit.
After lunch and a few drinks, and with the Imaginary team cradling an unexpected 48 run lead, the pressure was firmly on the Umbrian openers, both Sonson and Arson powering in and hoping to upset the kettle-cart early doors. But Bruhinda and Cooli had other ideas, settling in for a long stay in the middle and looking more and more assured as time went on, with Umbria finishing the day 26 up on a pitch that looks to have flattened and pancaked after the first two days of lively bounce.
Science & Technology >
Tacobels discovered in distant galaxy
Sat Jun 27, 2026 2:18 pm
At a press conference held today in the Imaginary Institute of Sciencenshit, Imaginary Scientists confirmed the discovery of subatomic 'Tacobels' in the distant galaxy of Andyromeldal, which is over 6 hours' drive from our planet, even at 1000 times the speed of light and then some.
The group of scientists were quick to quash rumours that the 'Tacobels' were just another made-up phenomena, especially relevant as their reputation was so badly tarnished by last year's announcement of a 'Macdonalds Wave' in a small puddle on the University campus, and their still-disputed claim to have discovered the fundamental quantum particle of Time that they call 'Whendies'.
Although the debate about 'Whendies' concluded three years ago, when rival scientists pointed out that the whole idea was nonsense, according to Imaginary Scientists it still rages on in the future, which conclusively proves their point, they claim.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Rare Margrite goes on display
Fri Jun 26, 2026 2:05 pm
Tears FM hits the airwaves
Wed Jun 24, 2026 12:25 pm
Concert performance cancelled after accidents
Fri Jun 19, 2026 12:34 pm
Floral response presentation
Wed Jun 17, 2026 1:07 pm
Channel 362 reveals new line-up
Mon Jun 15, 2026 2:02 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.5 at 4121.8ICU down 0.03% against the Euro
Up 6c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Slide manufacturing output slides
Latest quarterly figures for swings, slides and general playground paraphernalia manufacturing suggest a mixed bag for the industry at £1.25/100g, extra for the fruit and nut.
The newly released figures highlighted a big downward trend in slide manufacturing, swings and roundabout output rates were both indicative of a more volatile trading picture (with prices rising, lowering and going round and round and round for most of the quarter) whilst trampoline sales showed signs of rebounding.
Analyst Kenchu Viamactory from HK-BS was phlegmatic and (after apologising for the heavy cold) was keen to criticize anyone he could think of who wasn't currently in the room and was unlikely to hear what he'd said about them.
Today's Crossword
Tits
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