Remote island wins International Cake-Hardening competition
Thu Feb 12, 2026 1:42 pm
Usually not much happens on the island of Manturpeneyre, an island so remote that the ferry to the mainland calls just twice a year, and the nearest post-office is in December.
So for most of the island's residents it was the biggest event in living memory when one resident, Mrs Marjorie McBagginson of The Road, Manturpeneyre, won the 2016 prize for cake-hardening, judged by UN Inspector General, Bintop Farlarly-Panarly.
Mrs McBagginson described her technique to our reporter saying "Ee, there ain't much to it, to bae sure, and bessie don't seem to mind".
The entire island will be putting out both bits of bunting to mark the occasion of Mr Farlarly-Panarly's visit for the prize-giving ceremony to be held next month.
Sport >
Shuffleov eyes Triple Fives title
Wed Feb 11, 2026 1:59 pm
All eyes are on Ivor Shuffleov in the upcoming Smacker Magnum Fives this weekend, as the 27-time doubles champion attempts to become the first person to attain the legendary "Triple Fives" title.
Shuffleov - the savant Fives spinner better known as "The Coin" on table - has every major championship trophy under his belt, which many pundits have predicted will hamper him in the final event of 2016. The Coin, however, remains bullish about his chances at the Smacker Magnum.
"Zis is goink to be eazy. Vee shall zee how ze table falls," he commented in a canned telegram delivered to the INN offices. Shuffleov has used his trademarked canned message delivery system since he first broke into the Fives arena in 1987.
The identity of the Fives legend, who always competes wearing snorkelling gear, is still a mystery and is said to be the most important thread in several outstanding suits.
This year's Smacker Magnum takes place at the Royal Obscuratory. The tables, as is customary for premier league Fives, will not be revealed until the morning after nip.
Science & Technology >
Wave-particle duality cancels conference appearance
Thu Feb 12, 2026 1:40 pm
Wave-particle duality has cancelled their planned appearance at the annual International Physicists Symposium (IPS) conference due to "irreconcilable differences".
Wave-particle duality expressed regrets but said that it was both unable to attend the conference due to be held in Bernn at the end of this month, and that it was forced to abandon all of their existing plans.
Conference organisers are desperately looking for a stand-in for the key-note event to take place on the conference's second evening, with leading candidates including Bose-Einstein condensate, the weak atomic force and Concatanive party prime ministerial candidate Sir Herbert Double-Jamesons.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Gig Review : Mudpickers at The Tent
Mon Feb 09, 2026 5:08 pm
Theatre Review: Copperson at the Old Nick
Thu Feb 05, 2026 5:04 pm
TV Highlights : Broken Armchair
Tue Feb 03, 2026 5:29 pm
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Fri Jan 30, 2026 1:34 pm
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Jan 28, 2026 4:26 am
Markets >
ISE 100 - down 0.7 at 4125.5ICU down -0.01% against the Euro
Down 8c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
ITSY dippy on shorts forecast
The ITSY dipped below its 5 year low today after the monthly shorts forecast suggested a loosening of the long-trouser belt-tightening that has been restraining price increases since christmas.
Market watcher, Lorraine Popsworthson, said "The ITSY has always been notoriously dippy, and is often volatile when the shorts are off, but this does appear to be a trend. We're advising all our brokers, tokers and back-street jokers to keep an eye on next month's BITSY trade forecast and withdraw early if necessary to avoid infection."
ITSY shorts closed down 5, with two massive swingers.
Today's Crossword
Arsebags
Infinite Suduko
