Global warming debate in cabinet
Thu Sep 25, 2025 2:00 pm
In a heated debate, tonight, the heating was questioned - in the light of global heating, global warming - is it on? Is the heating on? Is this heating necessary when its not even that cold?
"If we shout at each other enough, that'll be alright won't it?" suggests reader Jackie Backseatassinationson, "That'll solve all the problems.". Of course, yes, it's easy enough to act daft and ignore all the many people, way too many people, with different views, way too many different views, on the heating, and debating, but lets put that all aside for a moment in a side-cabinet. Its not the cabinet's decision on a heated debate about the heating or even global warming, after all, thats likely to spark any kind of conclusion now is it?
Aye. Righto, there we go.
Sport >
E-sports gains record audience
Thu Sep 25, 2025 2:14 pm
'E-sports' - the quasi-olympic-style series of sporting events in which all the participating athletes are off their faces - achieved record viewing figures for its biannual international event this weekend.
Leading E-sporter, Sean Ryderson, off his face on Es and whizz, entertained the crowd in the triathlon by falling 10k short of the distance in the 10k run. He then stole a bike from fellow competitor, Ben Jenson, got nowhere, and finished the swimming portion of the event by drowning.
Over 16 billion Imaginary viewers tuned in to see Frussian E-gymnast, Natasha Pimpinlikitov, stand in the middle of the floor repeating a subtle, little OCD hand movement for 5 hours, grinning like a Cheshire Cat and muttering subversively ; having a genuinely great time until her particular cocktail began to wear off, when she got a little paranoid and dashed out of the stadium to hide in a corner.
Science & Technology >
BREAKING: Unknown virus strikes Imaginary reporters
Wed Sep 24, 2025 1:53 pm
In a worrying development for INN, Imaginary journalists are being afflicted by a virus of unknown origin.
Details are scarce, except it appears that the new disease causes reporters to publish stories that are little more than random streams of consciousness bearing little if any relation to reality.
"The thing about this virus, it's bloody massive," said Rebecca Ssee, Head of Imagivirology at Saint Organstines. "We've had our suspicions for some time, and spent all these years looking into petriscopes and microdishes and that, and it was all a total waste of time because this thing is literally the size of the bloody universe. Apart from that we don't know anything about it at all. I need another drink."
We remain vigilant and we will keep you updated as this story develops.
Have you been affected by an unknown virus, or do you know an Imaginary journalist that has? Great.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Review: Eczemas Bumper Humper
Thu Sep 25, 2025 1:41 pm
Salmon streaming
Tue Sep 23, 2025 2:10 pm
Jackson Jones finds his funk
Fri Sep 19, 2025 2:34 pm
Book Review: The Turn of the Shoe
Wed Sep 17, 2025 1:39 pm
Imaginary news site pulls really offensive headline
Tue Sep 16, 2025 11:56 am
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.6 at 4124.5ICU up 0.08% against the Euro
Down 9c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Euronian currency crisis pending
Reports trickling slowly out from the offices of the Euronian Council for Economic Affairs suggest another well-planned currency crisis is in the offing.
Euronian economists have frequently found bottling the currency, hiding it in the basement and then telling no-one about it for a few weeks has proved an effective method of restoring interest rate differentials and, ah, i dunno, off-sheet balance buyback futures or something.
The crisis is likely to start some time next month, when Mrs Euronia notices the gate has been left open and all the chickens have run off to go skateboarding and hanging around on street corners causing trouble.
Today's Crossword
Knobcobblers
