Woodworking mass-killer jailed
Fri Mar 07, 2025 11:05 am
After a trial lasting 7 days, a unanimous guilty verdict was delivered in the case of Horace Kingson, known popularly by the tabloid moniker, the 'Woodcutter'.
Kingson, 56, of Candar-on-Torrs, was found guilty on 6 counts of murder, 1 of manslaughter, and 3 of carpentry. In his summing up, Judge Edgar Yellinson told Mr Kingson that "you are an awful, most degraded person of the worst type. Not only did you kill these 7 innocent people, your sickened mind lead to you constructing furniture from them too. This perhaps would not have been so bad if it wasn't for the terribly poor quality of the furniture, which I wouldn't even use in the servant's quarters, let alone the main living area, as you yourself appear to have done."
Kingson was sentenced to serve 15 consecutive life-sentences, with a break at half-time for good behaviour.
Sport >
2nd Test - Day 10 Report
Fri Mar 07, 2025 11:06 am
The pre-match debate in the pressbox was all about how long Umbrian captain, Majahid Ranmanakoolaban, would wait before the declaration, but in the end it was a moot point as Umbria were skittled out for just 24 by a devastating burst of fast chucking by Michael Sonson.
The day had started slowly, with the Umbrian battersmen apparently in no rush to force the issue, but the surprise selection of Rum for the mid-morning drinks break seemed to transform Sonson, and the Umbrian battersmen were all back in the rabbit hole in time for lunch (Vegetable Biryani).
The afternoon session began with a solid and positive partnership between Imaginary openers Bullson and Chives (shifted up the order after Jimson's earlier retirement pending drug-use investigations), putting on 65 without loss up till tea. The post-tea drinks break (again, a surprise decision of more Rum), put a dampener on the rest of the day's play, which progressed only intermittently, the Imaginary battersmen adding another 34 with only Bullson back in the hole.
It'll be a tense final day tomorrow, and with the pitch deteriorating and Rum hangovers most likely, the odds will be heavily in Umbria's favour.
Day 10 Close
Umbria (1st Innings): 132 all in the hole.
Imaginary (1st Innings): 102 all in the hole.
Umbria (2nd Innings): 467 all in the hole.
Imaginary (2nd Innings): 89 for 2, up 1.
Science & Technology >
Vagisoft break cloud mould
Wed Mar 05, 2025 11:26 am
Cloud services provider Vagisoft claim to have 'broken open the mould' in a new software release aimed at companies requiring blue-sky cloud services with a hint of silver lining.
The silver lining, derived from artificial sources, non-intelligence, has been in development for over 86 years using the latest machine leaning techniques, themselves developed when one of the Vagisoft servers developed a small incline, being propped up by a little piece of wood.
Vagisoft's Pressperson, Samantha Nonson, proudly claimed to "have absolutely no idea what any of you are talking about", when questioned by uninterested media partners.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Theatre Review: Copperson at the Old Nick
Fri Mar 07, 2025 11:04 am
TV Highlights : Broken Armchair
Wed Mar 05, 2025 11:29 am
"Worst Sects Scene" award awarded
Sat Mar 01, 2025 7:34 am
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Feb 26, 2025 10:26 pm
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Tue Feb 25, 2025 4:28 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.7 at 4069.6ICU up -0.02% against the Euro
Up 9c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Dap-crackers IPO ashamed on FUNDAQ
Dap-crackers Llp, manufacturers of Imaginary pastry-based products, launched their initial IPO, ashamed on FUNDAQ, initially at 180 with 24 takers.
Prices bolted on the news, soon breaking 185 with 35 takers, while rivals J.P.Biscuits plc were down in the dumps, relatively speaking, leaking 6.
Both companies were still up on the market average due to a predicted upturn in pastry-based product demand linked to the Concatanive party's prime ministerial debates.
Today's Crossword
Dagnabbit
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