Breaking News: PM resigns
Tue Jan 27, 2026 4:39 pm
At a press conference held this morning in the government's best office, the Imaginary Prime Minister has shocked the world by announcing his immediate resignation.
The surprise announcement comes in the wake of repeated accusations of early 90's 'little bootie wearing', and the recent release of a CCTV video that appeared to show the Prime Minister 'wearing little booties' in a Shoho nightclub.
A government spokesperson said that the standard processes for transition of power will now come into force and they are not expecting any hiccups. Speaking to our reporter off the record, the ruling Concatanive party chairman, Sir Withersby Bolton-Limeson, admitted that the move "came as a bit of a shock to the old boy, but he took it gracefully enough. I think he's happy just to get some time off to go to the Test, and no doubt will be banging about doing dodgy stuff with ladies in Jillhadi by the morning".
A meeting of the government's 1812 back-bench committee will take place later in the week, and it is expected a new prime minister will be in place by the end of the month.
Sport >
2nd Test - Day 2 report
Tue Jan 27, 2026 3:14 pm
Day 2 Close
Umbria: 58 for 14 up 9.
It took Umbria just one and a half sessions on the second day to win the toss and take an early advantage over the Imaginary tourists.
With conditions both under and overhead looking fine and the pitch showing early signs of deterioration, it wasn't a difficult decision for Umbrian captain Majahid Ranmanakoolaban, and the Umbrian opening pair of Bruhinda and Cooli were soon on their way out to the middle.
The Imaginary team are missing star chucker 'Big' Timmy Anderson for this tour but that didn't seem to upset their rhythm, with offside dipper chucker Stevie Johnsonson soon breaking the pair and sending Cooli back to the rabbit hole. A drinks break followed (The Umbrian battersmen settling for a swift half each, while the Imaginary team went straight for the wine) and the pace slowed for the latter half of the afternoon.
A decisive shout from Bruhinda took the game to tea - and disturbed a few resting pigeons - both teams sharing the laurels and a lamb curry. The evening session progressed slowly but steadily, a couple for Imaginary's paceman Kimmerson and a few free hits for Simbadbadman of Umbria took the score up to 58, with 14 up 9 back in the hole.
So we'll be regrouping tomorrow for day 3 with the match delicately poised.
Science & Technology >
Probe launch successful
Mon Jan 26, 2026 8:12 am
After a 4 hour countdown hold-up while engineers looked into a problem loading the cryogenically frozen kerosene fuel on to the main booster rocket node, the Explorer IV probe was eventually launched successfully at 01:49 am today, with all systems currently functioning well.
In the next few hours the probe will be placed into a geostationary orbit, before mission controllers on the ground trigger the Marrrrrs Injection Burn (MIB) that will start the probe on its 55 million mile journey to Marrrrrs.
ISA scientist Samuel Poppinson described the launch as being like a "totally massive big flamey thing" while launch controller Peter Peterson said "Sorry for being late, chaps, got stuck in traffic for 4 hours".
We'll be providing regular updates on the mission as they occur.
Unrelated stories:
Arts & Entertainment >
Opening: Fetish gallery contrail nudes
Wed Jan 28, 2026 4:26 am
Music: In My Mouth - Overly Winsome
Mon Jan 26, 2026 10:28 pm
Dead 80's rocker planning a comeback
Fri Jan 23, 2026 1:12 pm
Street theatre raised to new levels
Wed Jan 21, 2026 9:59 pm
New shows coming to Nooplux
Mon Jan 19, 2026 7:33 pm
Markets >
ISE 100 - up 0.5 at 4125.7ICU up -0.04% against the Euro
Down 6c against the PD
We occasionally potter about in the garden.
Business wire >
Profits boost for Urinal Waxing
Urinal Waxing Corp of NY announced greater than expected profits in their first quarter prelims released today.
Jim Tinsonbuntson of analysts Loose, White and Gagging gave the report three oversized thumbs up : "Urinal's first quarter completely blew our expectations out of the water, took 'em to a bar, gave 'em 6 double whiskeys then slid 'em down a well greased rope slide into a pool full of sexy".
CEO Filon Waxing painted a rosy picture for shareholders in FY2017, which was nice of him.
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